This blog page is dedicated as a Dairy to the Author's daily life and walk as a witness to the Lord.
All contents are written by the author's witness and own undertstanding from the bottom of the heart. Any error or misunderstanding, the author appologize the cause. Any misusage of contents or spoken out, may judgement be fair.
Verses Coded in Red represents the Words of Christ Verses are all written in NKJV Bible (Coding of other version will be mentioned after verse.)
May your day be blessed by the Journal of the author. AGAPE
1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
What are good friends? When you in times of trouble and depress, take a look around you. Only those who are there to comfort you are the friends. They are those you can speak from heart to heart.
Living with Ability brings Responsibility. Dying with Ability reveals Irresponsibility - Rev.Dr. Kong Hee
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship. (Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) - Joshua Harris
Up Coming Church Events:
Cell-Group Event:
Job/Task:
NSF(National Full Time Service) 35th Singapore Combat Engineers Boat Coy Platoon 3 Amber 3 2 I/C 3SGT
Transmission Location: At Home To: Unknown Location 1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
The verse of today.
It took me quite a long time to realize that loving someone does not meant that you have to be with him/her. While it means that always hoping that the greatest thing will always happen to her, knowing that God is always there with him/her.
Well... ... some people might disagree with me, but that is how I do know now... :p
The truth is that if you have decern about what might happen a few years down the road, it is best that it will not happen. And to prevent it is to prevent yourself from getting into it. To me, being single is a blessing from God, there is no worry if you would drag your partner down with you and you do know that you will never adapt to become your father.
No offence in the last phrase to all other fathers out there, but just to prevent the theory of "what you sow, you shall reap." for myself... A sentence keep poping out in my mind "I will become what my dad is." yet another persuassive voice says "you are not your father." True or not true, I have decided that being single, solitude is the best to avoid that.
To also escape from tapping to fall in love with another girl, I have also reminded myself not to tap into a girl's life. Just stay at the border of normal friendship and that will help.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
03 Jan'04
This morning, I woke up with a terrible emotional depress. Didn't have a nightmare or bad sleep even, yet woke up with such depression. I never had such breakdown for the last 20 years in life, but now I'm experiencing it.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
21 Nov'04
Today, I went out with Mitch to get a new SIM card to replace the lost SIM card in that phone at Starhub Center at Plaza Singapura. Things went quite alright and fixed all the SIM card problem: and the good news is that I don't have to pay a single cent to replace it! ! ! Whaoo... Sounds good, but not for the second time. Well let this be the first time and the last time I loss a handphone; May God help me. :)
After that, we went by a VCD store and saw the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Special Extended) poster, and... Whaoo... it's out already, still I'm wondering when it will be out. I was thinking to buy one, well maybe not now. So we went to watch Blade Trinity at GV, Plaza Singapura. We bought the tickets for 4.10pm then decided to go to the food court a level below to eat.
I'd got myself beef noodle and Mitch got himself a 'over-sauced' base fried noodle. Oh my, can't you believe it? The uncle actually added to much of the sauce for our friend... ha haha... a bit to 'sweet'. Then in the end, he did not eat much of the fried noodle and went to the SAME stall again and bought a place of fried carrot-cake.
After a short lunch break, we went to the cinema and watch the movie. It's a great movie I presume. Somehow, the movie is also like to copy some part of the Bible; e.g at the beggining is him, then everything ended with him... ... er... sounds very familiar don't you think...
After the movie, we went to look for handphone shops to get Nokia 660i to replace my lost Hp. BUT... ... I can't believe the price of that handphone is $380++ without plan: oh my...
So we went to Thomson Plaza and look for handphone shop. The first one, well not really good. Then we went to another and finally changed my mind to look for another cheaper model. Then Mitch suggest the Samsung SGH-X430. The owner also suggest it, since I don't have the budget to get Nokia 6610i. So I've decided to purchase it. It cost me $290. Well at least now I have a handphone to use. Then went to LAN shop and left for home. ha ha... Thank God for the great day of advanture.
Oh ya, want to share a good news here also: I got to know from 'her' that 'she' scored 4 points for 'her' N' Levels, Whaoo... Also 'she' also have won a scholarship award for that: ha ha ha, felt really comfort for that; Thank God for answering that prayer of mine. Amen. May the Lord continue to work in 'her' life more and make 'her' who He wants 'her' to be. Amen and Amen again. :)
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
17 Dec'04
Whoo... haven't been updating quite often, ha ha... well don't worry about me, I'm doing fine. Things are working great at home, less trouble now. I guess it's a time of reconciliation back home. The one great thing I can share is; God is always Faithful, even when sometimes you fail to be Faithful to Him, but it does not mean you can take it for granted.
Still, I'm waiting for my final examination result; either a pass or fail will decide the next 1 month - which is either to the army or to repeat another 6 months.
I believe that both won't really affect me, but I do pray for a pass for the paper and quickly finish serving the army, and maybe by God's grace, things in the future will change for the good - if you know what I mean (The problem which is still a stumbling block to me.)
On the 11th Dec, which is a Sunday, I went out with the Isaiahians, cuz we won the first prize for the Zone Outing - a $120 Sweenson Voucher. The team that were present that day: Brendon (team leader), Debby and a brother - both (E168), Elijah (Sis Docas's younger brother), Michelle (from Bro. Vic's CG, now multiplied), 3 other little girls (2 of them from my CG), 'her' and of course me. Well, too bad Colin isn't there... ha haha... He's serving the army now in TEKONG BMTC 1 ! ! ! :p
The day begins as we were 'suppose' to meet at 1pm at Bugis MRT, then Brendon pass down for a change in time to 12noon, cuz Brendon have to go by 1pm. So I reach there 15mins early and so I decided to msg 'her' if 'she' had already reach or if anyone is there. Then as I was about to turn around, 'she' appeared from behind waving 'her' hand at me. Then I was surprise of that. Also that day, 'she'd also asked me to help 'her' chose for a guitar to purchase.
Then both of us did chat a bit (not much). I guess it takes time to accept the fact that I love 'her' or did the rumour something about me going after Candy... ... duh... Thx to JX and another rumour about me leaving Church... ... also Thx to Mitch. Both of them seem to 'spread' the rumour to 'her' ears, which I was very surprised when 'she' asked me if I did ask Candy out for a movie with some other friends, and about me backsliding???? ! ! ! ! Duz... ... Guys, I got to be clear on this: I will no matter keep my word. I have promise to wait for 'her' completing 'her' studies and 'her' reply if 'she' wants to be with me or not.
To clearify, I was asking Candy out to fellowship and take chance to council her and bring reconciliation between her and the CG. I do know that she have a tough time whether to return to CG or not, but I believe through working a friendship to bring her back, not just telling her to return straight away.
The thing is that, if she does not want to be in W261 under Ange, no matter how much you push in, she won't turn back. For me, I believe in one management: For the best of someone's growth, put him/her under someone whom he/she is able to communicate through.
Ok back to main topic. So I talked with 'her' (not much, only little to say) Then the brother from E168 came (Forgotten his name... aiya...) Then Elijah came and there's more noise to be heard... ... ha haha... we have a great excitment to know each other, 'she' called for Debby then she came and the coner we stand, become more noisier... ha haha... . Then Brendon arrive and the 2 little girls from my CG. One discovery is that, I find them quite 'attach' to 'her', hmm... cuz usually, both of them would be quite quiet. Then we proceed to Sweenson Cafe at Bugis and we found a place to settle our group.
Then all of us have a hard time choicing what to eat... ha ha... well, in the end we'd all ordered baked rice lol... except for Elijah, who chose Fish and Chips. Then came the food. Then we finish our saying grace and start eating. Then Brendon's way for Fellowshipping comes, which is a really seems more like a diciplining meeting - hmm... ... that's how I feel. Then Michelle came... late... by 15mins if I'm not wrong. A while later the other little girl, whom I still don't know from which CG, came: the sad thing is that, most of us have finish our food and she have to eat alone...
Still, I do enjoy the meeting. We have photo taking in groups with the help from Sweenson's staff. And lastly, Ice CREAMS! ! ! :x
So all the things cost us $130+ dollars along with the service charge. Then Brendon left to do some staff. The 3 little girls also left for home. I'd promise her ealier to go with 'her' to chose a guitar - 'her' budget range within SGD$100. The others also join us, since they to don't know where to go next. Michelle have StrikeForce training later as well, so all of us walked to City Hall to Peninsular Plaza: Our first stop, Davis Guitar - which most often CHC members would go to, Bro. James also go there, and I heard he have a special 20% discount for his purchase.
I'd asked 'her' what guitar does 'she' wants: either Classical or Acoustic. at first, 'she' was chosing Acoustic, then the price of the Acoustic seems to stop 'her'. Then on the Classical side, all of us have comments about it. So 'she' decided to stick to Acoustic. As we look for the guitars, all of us have a try of it, listening to the sound, and knowing if it's worth it. I only have one comments: that is if you like the sound of the guitar, just purchase it, it's the most simple thing for those who are learning.
'She' found a guitar which I do know 'she' seems to like it, but it cost $100, Fina Acoustic. Just right amount, but adding a good guitar bag, it's $138 - that hinders her, I know that, but I'm ready to pay part of it for 'her'. I find that the Lord is true on one thing, "Where your treasure is, ther also is your heart.' Pst. Kong also amplified it in his life, which on service that day, he preach it to the whole Church - he shared that if's just like him spending most of his money on Pst. Sun, his wife, one reason, because he loves her.
It's very true that where you spend most of your money at, that's your first love. I was very touch by that message. With Rev. John's visit to our church, I realize about the Jehovah Jireh (The place of where you have made your faith in, which is not one of God's name.)
I too have faith that what is between me and 'her', will be a long run, it won't be easy, that's what I know, but I know something will happen for a change.
Back to topic: So we thanked the uncle and went to another guitar shop look around, then another, and another (all in that area.) Still we find none of the guitar there really meet 'her' range, but Elijah seems to have the fun of some 'showing off' on his skills, ha ha ha... ... well don't forget who his teacher is - Bro Cliff and his sister.
I know that the $100 will fit for her for that moment, then finally, I asked 'her' if 'she' do like that guitar, if so, just buy it. When we return to Davis, the guitar was sold to another person, then the uncle tell us that he'll get another one for us. Then I shared with the guys about the Fina 2003 and like what Bro. James recommanded it to us as the best budget acoustic guitar.
A while late, the uncle return with the Fina guitar, which 'she' wants. Then to do a final sound result, Michelle tried the guitar and listen to the sound: she to was impress by that guitar, but the Fina 2003 impresses all of us, comparing the quitlity of sound. Still, the $100 Fina Acoustic will do for 'her' to practice and train. Thank God for that. 'She' took out the cash which all 'she' have, then short of $5, then I was already prepare to take out my wallet: Michelle gave a comments saying, "whaa... you so brother ah...". Debby also comment about it. Still we're glad that 'she's able to have the guitar. Praise the Lord for it.
At the mean time, Michelle also purchase some picks. Then for 'her' to pay for the guitar. So I offered to carry it for 'her', then Michelle starts to comment again... well... I can only say that I do it out of love.
So as we were about to go by Long John Silver, we'd decided to settle there for a moment. The guys have a short 'tea' break there as well. Then a surprise visitor makes his appearence: ISAAC! ! ! We're all very surprise of him coming in saying 'hi' to us... ha ha ha... Then after a short chat, he left for his 'walk' around. Elijah kept on making some joyful noise which really makes us laugh about.
Then we took some photos again (when Isaac was there with us, he help us took some photos before leaving.) After that, we return to each of our later journey, Michelle went with Elijah for the East train, the brother going with along for Outram Park to change North East line. I decided to accompany 'her' all the way to 'her' block. Debby was with us.
We were surprise to find that the North train have alot of people, so we decided to go South to Marina and hop to a new train towards the North. We too find the cults of Jehovah Witness. So I shared with them about the encounters and why Jehovah Witness are not consider as Christians. Then later we each have our sharing towards the view. Debby too have some confusion about the tithe and offering, but I treat tithing is too the Lord not to the Church - just like what the people in the Old covenant do. Offering goes the same: if you do tithing and offering because you are a member of a Church, rather, don't do it, it will only make you feel like the church owe you something, but the truth: all of us owe God everything, but He just want to see that we give back the 10% of what is His back to Him.
We're just steward of His money. But I was glad of the sharing section. We reach Khatib then we bid Debby goodbye. I walked 'her' along then 'she' told that 'she' can go alone, but I did not do as 'she' say, instead, I walked 'her' home along listening to what I'd missed out in 'her' life. I felt great in my heart about that walk, even though it's a short distance. Then come to the departing moment when reach 'her' block and I gave 'her' guitar back; to confess, that moment, I really felt like giving 'her' a big hug, showing 'her', I do treasure 'her' accompany along my Walk.
That's still the stumbling block which I find it very hard to overcome.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
5 Dec'04
Today & yesterday, regrettably fallen ill. A cold shower running over my head; outside is feeling cold, yet inside is 'feverish'. No that serious I say. ha ha ha...
Didn't went to service and work; and now the Part-time manager, Daisy, just 'blew' up with anger, thinking that I'm lying or so... Well... don't try me; it's a Sin to lie.
I'd nicely told her that I'm sick and need a break from work at home, yet she assumes that I'm lying... ... de... ... thanks to the previous staff, Farhan, who is a 'great' liar. Well anyway, to me, the weight of telling me to transfer out is still higher, cuz I find my shedule being shorten down... ... duh... ... thanks to the thing call 'labour burst'. guess I might not be working there sooner; when my result is out. Either to transfer - if I fail the subject... again... - or work till end of Dec and quit - if I pass the subject - then I'll have 15 more days time... ha ha...
Well... also a sad news I recieve just now after a convesation with Candy is that, she have quited her job, which really gave me another side of impression on her. I guess everyone too have tough discouragement period. After the conversation, I get to know about the 'someone', she like. Seems like having some 'problem' - what problem? I do not know. Need more time to talk to her I guess. Any influence to bring her a step closer back to Christ, I believe is worth it.
Another friend, that suddenly pops up my worry is a guy name, MH. Seems like he's gaining more weight than Colin losing more weight I guess... ha ha... Well... (If you're reading ah... Don't try to be hero and force your body to 'early' 'destruction' ah.... ) Well... that's all I can say.
For my Spiritual Life, well so be then. Can't be a CG guitarist, well nevermind. Can't be can't be loh... Anyway... I play it to the Lord. Somehow it gives me the 'disgust' feeling, why I'm like serving men more. Get burned out if you're serving Man I say. Well not really that serious. Somehow, thoughts still fly in and out of my mind clouding me to leave the CG. I still fight that I will stay in Church for this cost.
Another thing is that, I felt that 'she' and I are really drifting very far apart. I really breaks my heart to tell the truth about this. Can say that as though we're turning as though being strangers. I guess is too much pressure on me and 'her' on what to talk, speak and share. Well... I have no idea what is ahead, seriously, the road ahead is not very clear.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
25 Nov'04
Well, tomorrow is examination date; yet... didn't prepare much... haiz...
Oh.. ya... just want to make note that I might be transfering outlet, either to J8, which is at Bishan or Forum, at Orchard. Really feel like transfering, cuz I'm getting pretty 'used' to the slag time at HGP. Want to go somewhere less 'slag' ha haha...
The good thing is that, I've got Mitch and EJ into the J8 Outlet there, while another is that Candy, Winny and JX had entered Forum side, so maybe can join them there for time.
Another reason why I feel of leaving HGP outlet is also about the people: a few picky staff, are backstabbers... slanderers... all the ugly side of man you can see 'yet'.
Well reason I thought going to J8: like I said, I got EJ and Mitch in there. Also I have some good pals there, like the mangers, Lady and Jim (Neutron... ha ha...), staff like Mirmi, Robin, Lionel etc... all of them contribute to the teamwork around the outlet. Doing this doing that... whoo... when I'm attach there, I feel more fun than just working or can say the fun during working hours.
Reason going to Forum: Well, maybe like EJ said, if he is working with the 3 girls at Forum, at least there is some 'protection or take care. Another reason I find is that... Candy is there. Well no idea: I've been hoping and praying that she'll return to the CG one day. Some encouragement, some care. Still... I think it's pretty silly of me... ha ha ha... oh... yesterday I was attach there for OT. The Assistant Manager, Vicky, a guy actually, is a pretty nice guy. I find that there is the 'connection' through our conversation. Like the guys at J8. the only downside is that, the team members there, are attach there as well. From Takashimaya, Scotts and Wheelock place.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
6 Nov'04
1st Service of the month:
Today was quite a different day, somehow I feel something good is going to happen. Before service, I start to feel have a little awakward feeling when I saw my Leader walking up the stairs to where our CG is sitting (The Slope sittings, South West of the stage): which 'It' tells that she's pregnant.
The first thought that ask back is an 'er... ... serious'. Then nevermind, I believe the CG will know soon, when announce.
This week is also Holy Communion week and I believe that something great is going to happen during service; and it is true, God's Spirit filled the whole auditirum, like what it describe in Acts 2.
After the Service, the truth is reveal to everyone~ ! ! ~ And it seems that I knew it before announcement, it's like the Spirit have spoken the mystries which not many knew yet. The first reaction I had is telling myself, "you must be joking to myself." I fell into a disbelieve that I had actually foretell in Spirit to know something before hand~ ~ ! ! But, what must come, still have to come.
8 Nov'04
Prayer meeting week:
During the prayer meeting, somehow I visualize what I really yearn for, which seems that only He can give; His embrace, His Love. I'd seen in a vision of Him giving me a very warm hug, which filled up that empty heart in me that is yearning for a deep sense of love which I am looking for. No man or woman can touch that place which is missing in my heart, except Him. Ever since Pst Mike Conner's visit to our Church, I really felt Him filling up that gap (that is love) in my heart. And I have to confess that I've been looking for such love, which I now find in Him. I felt the love and embrace; I can't run away from it (Even though that I have been running away from what God wants me to be.)
Somehow I too know that I can't share such intimacy feeling with others.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
31 Oct'04
The day of an Evangelistic Combine CG meeting and BBQ for E39 & W261. I begin the day waking up at 7.30am, whooo way to early. Aiya... haha... well no idea, seems like my human alarm clock still wake me up at that time.
I'm meeting JX, a member return to CG after backsliding, at 9.45am, at Jurong... duh... well in the end, I reach there at 9.15am: and is so.... early... So I got to wait for JX to meet me up with the things. During my wait, I got 'interested' to want to find out how big is the CBTL outlet at Jurong Point: man... the outside tables and chairs are a lot... imagine doing closing there... and if the only male staff doing closing.... duh... take an hour... like that.
It seems that the assistant manager there is a male: well quite hardly to see male managers in this line, mostly are females.
So walked back to the station to wait for JX there. When the time strikes 9.45am, no sight of her... where is she?? Well... late... I had called her 3 times to know where she is, and she arrive 10.15am... duh... nice one... then the next suprise is that we have to go to Clementi to get trash bags, and it is a time consuming trip, cuz I could have get the trash bags instead from my outlet, which is easier, when I offered the assistance yesterday's discussion, but was rejected... ... well... then after getting the trash bags, we took the train back to Jurong East Interchange, where the gang is waiting at IMM building waiting to get the BBQ staff. We arrived at IMM building at around 10.45am, and straight away, JX lead me to Long John Silver where the gang is meeting.
I only saw EJ and 'her' sitting there. Then we caught up. Well the thing is that, everyone was late. CL was also late... ... so we have to begin our expedition asap. We went around looking for the food that was plan at first and it seems things went over budget. But we're still glad, cuz we have got all the food we need for the BBQ. So the guys going to catch a cab to CL's place to deposit all the food there, but, I was given another task: that is to look for a farewell card for Bro. Dharni and Bro. Glady.
Out of suprise, 'she's also meeting Winny so the guys catch the cab and left me and 'her' alone to our own task. The only thing I can discribe is that somehow, we're far from each other's thoughts, after the incident. Still, we have some short conversions on work and things that is seen on the way.
The charter bus from IMM reaches Jurong MRT, so we board off the bus for the MRT station. And Popular Book store was just in front... whaooo... That great... I might find the cards I need to complete the task... then later we bid each other off as she goes to Bukit Batok MRT to meet Winny, while I continue search for the cards.
After purchasing the cards, I went to catch the train to Bukit Batok MRT. Boarding off, I was going to rush off to the Bus Stop, then I bang into 'her' again at the traffic light: Halo again...
So I got to know that 'she's looking for JX and the others at the MacDonalds and 'she' also informed me that Angela, Winny and Fernanders is wating at the left side (outside) the MRT station. So 'she' left to MacDonalds while I went to meet the 3 up.
Then our Mr Fer. tries to 'crap' around... ...
That's the time I have now, just stay tuned for further.... ha ha... God bless.
Transmission
Location: At Home
To: Unknown Location
25 Oct'04
Heard of the term call 'double crosser' ? If you don't understand what it means, let me explain. It simply means going opposite of what is agreed at first or in other words; going back your own words.
I had called EJ if he wants to change to Bishan's CBTL outlet, yet guess what he goes back on his word AND decided to take another job in the hotel line... ... duh... don't ask me to help to look for CBTL next time... duh...
Well quit talking about 'double crossing'. I had went down to Davis to strap my Classical guitar, thinking might cost much cheaper, but guess what? They charged it $10 ! ! ! What the... duh... well... well at least bought a good looking strap which cost only $6. That will do... ha ha...
