This blog page is dedicated as a Dairy to the Author's daily life and walk as a witness to the Lord.
All contents are written by the author's witness and own undertstanding from the bottom of the heart. Any error or misunderstanding, the author appologize the cause. Any misusage of contents or spoken out, may judgement be fair.
Verses Coded in Red represents the Words of Christ Verses are all written in NKJV Bible (Coding of other version will be mentioned after verse.)
May your day be blessed by the Journal of the author. AGAPE
1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
What are good friends? When you in times of trouble and depress, take a look around you. Only those who are there to comfort you are the friends. They are those you can speak from heart to heart.
Living with Ability brings Responsibility. Dying with Ability reveals Irresponsibility - Rev.Dr. Kong Hee
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship. (Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) - Joshua Harris
Up Coming Church Events:
Cell-Group Event:
Job/Task:
NSF(National Full Time Service) 35th Singapore Combat Engineers Boat Coy Platoon 3 Amber 3 2 I/C 3SGT
The Preliminary Round 1 is coming, yet I have manage to remember close to 15 verses. Just that the Cor is hard to get into my mind. The other 5 new verses, I've manage to get 1 into my mind, and was tested last Service, 8 May.
Somehow I do felt the pressure to do well in this, not only for myself, but also for my Lord. Another pressure is that 'she' did very well for all the 20 verses, very few errors. Well I'm very proud for 'her'... ha ha... but still, I have to buckle up myself, don't want to disappoint 'her' by doing badly for the Word Power. I do realize the focus for the grand prize for winning... ha ha... Do have to meditate the verses well with the verse numbers, otherwise would be very disappointing. Have to seek my Lord to for His guidiance.
The Lord is my strength and my shield. He gives the right amount of providence to His people. Amen.
I think my style of posting a journal have to change. So I decided to put date to the event that actually took place as a memo. Well, it's practicing a new style, so don't find it awkward. Thx. God bless.
04 May '04 (Tues)
I guess this is the day, which I'd hop of school. Was at home the morning. Then called Colin up to have a game of Zero Hours.
At 2pm, Colin and I were suppose to meet EJ up to pass him the Mircosoft update against the recent Internet Virus outbreak and EJ's com was infected with it. So we reach Yio Chu Kang MRT at sharp, but EJ was very late. He reach there at 3pm.
So I passed him the disk, but he then told me that his PC is running on Windows XP. Then I realize, the files in the disk won't help him, cuz it's for Windows 2000. Haiz... then we're feeling down about it, but then EJ left with the North train despite of our persistence to ask him to take the South train. He's going to Church to meet up with his other classmates for the School of Parade that is to come on the Emerge Conference.
Then Colin and I hop into the South train to Douby Ghout station to meet up with Mitch. Through the journey, I was confinding my 'relational' problems and fears to him as to share the burden out. So the end, I decided to ask 'her' for dinner with us (Colin, Mitch and I.) after 'her' class, which ends at 6pm.
It was through the short walk to Singapore Plaza to meet Mitch, which I'd shared the problems and decided to msg 'her' to meet us for dinner. We'd reach the 6th level of the building to find Mitch, who is playing pool with his friend. And I played a total of 2 games, one with Mitch the other with his friend. Was great really.
At 4.15pm, Mitch wants to end his game with his friend and they tried to settle the bill. So it was settle by 4.30pm. Then Colin, Mitch and I left the place, leaving his friend playing alone in the pool house.
After that, we leave the building talking and chatting. And I shared with Mitch about the youth hunt which I need to find sponsors. So Mitch suggest that we look for them as soon as possible, so we walk down to Peace center and discuss and plan the things that should be done.
Once we're done, we approach MacDonald's first, then Starhub, and Golden Villiage, and other 2 clothing companies.
So our search was fine, just need to do follow up with the sponsors. Later 6pm, 'she' gave me a call to my cell phone and asked me where were we, and what time to meet and where to eat. We settled part of the sponsor side now and took a one stop train ride down to City Hall to meet 'her', who is in Suntec City after lesson.
Things went out great. and we decided to go to the food court to fill ourselves up for dinner... ha ha... Well then was fun fellowshipping. The truth: I'm not doing any dating or what, but we're in group, so it's fine.
After dinner, Colin and Mitch felt like going to the washroom. So they went, so I was with 'her' alone and we decided to get outselves some ice-creams. So we went to MacDonalds, which is neighboring next to the Food Court, and bought 2 cones. I took initiative and paid for the cones and bless 'her' with it. Though the cost of the cones may not be expensive, but I think that 'she's glad for the little thing I can at least do for 'her', even we're still students. (I do not want to assure this thinking, but that's how I 'can' describe at tha moment.)
And of course, the best of all, we must not forget God. Later we walk towards Tower 3 of Suntec direction and chat along our way. Then Mitch saw a bag or something (Like a purse, but yet slightly bigger to be a purse) which he thinks that he wants to buy for Mother's Day present. In the end, he made a big joke of embarrassment in the store. He accidently knock down a stand about the detail of the 'bag' and it causes a 'dropping' sound, loud enough for people around to notice.
But thank God, the sales person wasn't mad about him... ha ha... When we reach Tower 3, we turn and walk back to Tower 2 then 1. Between 2 and 1, there is a LifeBook store, so we entered it. This is the part which I say, we must not forget God... ha ha... Amen.
We walk around the store to check out books and bibles. And at the end, Colin decided to purchase one book about about the Holy Spirit. Amen for that.
Then we left the place and suddenly feel like entering Harvey Norman to look for at things. It was like an advanture when in the store as we discover things they sell.
After that, we decided to go home. I was like meditating the verses for the Word Power and 'she' follow up with me meditating the verses. And was fun... ha ha... and of course the sad thing is, I just can't get the 2 verses in Cor into my mind. ha ha... Got to pray that God will enhance and teach me a way to meditate on these 2 verses.
On the way back, I met a very unexpected person to see there: Wins. I thought I would only have the chance to see him serving in Church in the future, but he was there. Walking to his workplace. About him, I really feel sad for him, cuz he have quitted school. And moral seems to go down with the debts.
I ran up and caught him and said hello to him and chatted a while and waited for the others to catch up. Then they intro themselves to him and him to them. And he parted with us as he's working that night.
So we went and took the NS train back home. Like usual, I would always try to walk 'her' home and of course most of the time, Colin would be overlooking for 'us' to be our witness that we did not do anything that dishonor the purtiy of God. I believe, I know the rules, and I guess 'she' too knows the rules.
The Truth: I will never put to any guess, thinking, self-believing, judement... etc. to say that 'she' does likes me, unless 'she' said so. Well, that's how I am. Unless the person say so, then I will not make any assurence or guess a certain way. But I do know that the time God have plan, will reveal the answers. Still, I will still continue to serve 'her' as a brother and to grow in the Lord through sharing of our own testimony. Amen.
After seeing 'her' off to 'her' home, Colin and I evaluate how I fair myself and if I did step over the line as a brother. There's still an embarrass feeling in me that day towards 'her', due to the conversation between Isaac and that sister. And somehow, I think I foolishly msg some words that really make 'her' wonder last weekend and seem to overreact myself too much. But somehow, the foolishness seem to help to build closer bond (Not other things) toward one another.
So Colin and I parted when we reach home. Amen.
When I reach home, I receive a msg from Will (My CG Brother) to get the updated verses asap.
So I sms 'her' if 'she' have receive the msg from Will, then asked if 'she' wants to to help 'her' get the new 5 verses for 'her' and pass it to 'her' personally.
The reply was positve; will need to get the verses for 'her' as well.
5 May '04 (Wed)
Went to my Leader's place at Ang Mo Kio to get the 5 new verses. My ZS(also my Leader's husband.) was also there so chatted a while and then went off in a hurry to school for lesson.
In school, told my working partners, who are also schoolmates, about the sponsorship things and about Mitch. Their reply were quite negative about another person to join in, but still gave what I could to explain.
After lesson, a final and last General Meeting for these semester is held. And for us, the year 2 councilors, it would be our last before graduation. Good news for us... ha ha...
It's also the meeting that the next batch of Ex-Cos to be announce. And the result was quite 'unpredictable' in a sense. (Not going to detail.)
Then I'd received a msg from 'her' what time I would be there. Then replied a rough time of 7pm. So when the meeting with year 2 memebers end, I went off with 2 other schoolmate to Tampines Interchange and board on to bus 969, just on time. The number of people lining up for this bus is so incredible that the que was very long. Well thank God that most of the people lining up, don't wish to stand for the entire journey to Yishun, so the people in que stop entering the bus. But for me and others, who don't mind standing throughout the journey, just cut the que and board the bus... ha ha...
On the bus, sms 'her' again to know where to meet etc... then also asked if she'd taken dinner. I guess these is the part which have really change our attitude towards one another. It seem that the 'foolish' words and things I msg 'her' last Sunday about the conversation, seem to make a strong and straight forward, yet easy to be 'notice' that I do care and concern about 'her' and how I really treasure our friendship, which also seem to say that I do like you.
So I met 'her' up for dinner alone... one on one. Then we walked together (with integrity of no touchy business, except helping 'her' to carry 'her' books.) towards the nearest food court in Khatib, which in the next 2 years, I would be a 'casual' customer (The Camp I'm serving NS is near that area.) We'd shared about the things we have gone through today, and talked about other things through our journey towards the coffeeshop.
I can say that, we do have alot of things to talk about and joke about to the closest thing to share; how our own, indivisual family members been going.
These was when we'd settle down in the coffeeshop. So I'd help to order 'her' meal, but seem to order from the less famous store... haiz... a big bo bo made... .... but netherless, I did seek for forgiveness... :)
After our meal, we took a walk till we decided to get Ice-Creams for desert... ha ha... well... ... maybe got addicted to MacDonald's cones... ha ha... This is I guess, be both of us, a 'poor' stage of finance time as 'students'... ha ha... well... that's not the point. It a simple theory: if there is a need to spend money, use it, but also wisely look out from spendings too much. I guess, every Christians have to be taught with these lesson, that's why the Lord always encourage us to give and aid, yet also calculate and plan wisely the spedings, before giving and aidding. But most importantly, if coming to lending aid to the poor, give in faith. Giving is an aid to the Lord.
So after buying the the 2 cones for each other, I walked 'her' home. It was close to 9pm. We continue to share jokes and laughters... and through the short walk. Also I did asked if 'she's fulfilling 'her' study hours.
Then I pass 'her' the new 5 verses and also did check if the words are correct (cuz we come across one verse, which seem very 'blur' and so I took out my bible and we check it out.)
After that and seeing 'her' in the lift, I left and take a bus ride home.
Coming to a point to share is that; does this consider a date?Does seem so, but seem that we'd shared what God did for us more, so if you ask is it God honoring? I would say yes and Amen. But I do have to account these to my Leader to bear the responsiblity.
May God be glorify through any incident and case. Amen.
Well, It seems I got my com fixed and is also upgraded to P4 2.8Ghz... ha ha... Praise the Lord, Amen.
Good things is that I'm back online, but of course there's a new stupid ver. of Blaster worm spreading online... now my school com are indeed down for good, due the connections...
Thank God that it won't affect this com, cuz it's protected 'well'. There's a good face that says, "No matter how tight is your defences, there is always a weakness."
No matter what, So be it.
Relation Trouble Time
29 April '04 (Sat)
Seriously, I have no idea what's going on last week. Had tried to sms 'her' for a short chat, but there's no reply, and it really makes me wonder why?
Then on Sat Service, no sight of 'her' coming or replying my msg. Then my heart starts to worry... ...
After Service, tried to call 'her', but was never answered... that even troubled my mind more...
Most of the members and I went down to the Esplanade to support Sun who is performing there and through the journey, every one was chatting about this and that and also a new friend, who attended Service, brought by Ruth is with us.
Then I took notice of my good brother, Isaac, who is serving his NS, and who he's talking to on the train down to City Hall almost through out the journey down. But didn't took notice what he and another sister is talking about... ha ha... well not in the best of my interest in their conversation... later in these part, Ruth did take notice of his approach.
We reach City Hall and went our way to fill our stomaches for dinner. We have to finish dinner fast as Sun is going to perform for the Labour day event concert outside Esplanade.
The last event is the fireworks. It was spectacular in sight. The fireworks were great and beautiful to look at in the night sky.
After that, all of us walk along the paths to the entrance of the Esplanade and looking at the time, was quite 'early' close to 9pm+. Then we'd no idea where to go, so all of us sat in the main hall of the Esplanade, overlooking the escalator down towards CityLink.
Sat down there and chatted for quite a long time, but I seem to be the 'listnener' rather than the 'talker'. I feel that someone took notice that I was quiet through out. Or I should say, I don't feel like talking the whole night cuz of some worries: I was thinking and confused of why 'she' did not reply my message through the week or is 'she' trying to avoid me or what. Didn't see 'her' in CG and in Service.
Then I took notice of Isaac again talking with that sister. Well no idea about that. But one thing is for sure; when we decided to leave the place to go seperate ways home, overheard Ruth disciplining Isaac about the incident about drawing a line.
So when Colin and I went up to take a bus home instead of MRT, he spoke to me something very shocking; which is Isaac and that sister's conversation. Colin was there by chance and when he heard my name mentioned in their conversation, so he went up to them and asked what they're talking about: About almost everything she have observe and dig out if there is something between me and 'her' - the truth is, there's nothing. We're only building better bonds without crossing the line as a brother and sister.
But seriously for me, I'm a person who only fall for the inside character. And it really feels good if you can see the inside character of that person rather than being attacted by the outside look of that person. That's also the main reason what I see in 'her' and is attracted to 'her'.
I believe there is still a need of more interection between us needed to unreveal our true self and intimacy that is shared, but of course, be accountable and try not to go out one on one. Go in groups as fellowship.
Something that Colin spoke about what Isaac shared with him and that sister, really suddenly seem to boast my self-confidence. What he said was what I did not imagine of, cuz the both, Isaac and Karen knows that there is another guy, Fran, seem to like her as well...
From Colin's mouth; Isaac said that there is no hope for him. Cuz who have more chance to interect with 'her? And 'she' should know what the Word say and he to knows. (I guess what he means should be 2 Cor 6:14 - "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" )
A bad news is that the com at home is down... some software problem and everything is corrupted... well by accidents? Seriously, I have no idea about it.
Thank God that I can still blog in and check emails in school.. ha ha... well does not mean that you can only depend on home PC to log in to net... ha ha...
Well the Word Power 1st preliminary is coming... got to prepare myself 'fit' to do it. Each CG is going to sent 3 members as a group to take part. For my CG; William, 'her' and me are sent to take part.
Seriously, I wasn't in the team at first, then Colin felt like giving up on it, cuz of having a tough time remembering the verses... hmn... No idea... then he'd just 'recommanded' me to take his place... well, 'thx' bro... for the good 'treat' ha ha... It will be a challange for me to remember verses and somehow I feel the 'pressure' as well.. ha ha... not only because of the preliminary, but also 'she's in it... ha ha... sounds like got to push myself on form and spritually fit.
God did call Man to take the lead, well a bit 'ashame' of as well is that 'she's at better stage of remembering the verses... hmn... ha ha... well got to push myself up to another level... ha ha... may the Lord be my guide to it and I'll only measure myself to the calling which is upon me, how far is it. That's the goal. Maximize yourself, Ray. You can do it. Don't lose focus. Amen.
I also sign up for another challange: Extreme Sports Challange.
A physical strength challange sport. Would be tough and need training... ha ha ha...
After Sat Service 24th Apr '04
Was 'pulled' aside to have a short one on one chat with Ruth. I was questioned about the 3rd night of Isaiah after the 'complain' from some; "why you need to wait for 'her' (identity not to be disclose.) to come down?" (something like that)
Well, I'm not a 'good' excuse giver or should I say I don't really lie well... ha ha... well the truth is you should not have a lying tounge.
So she'd told me what she'd know between me and 'her', cuz as I know; she's the key helper in the CG. So I was silent and was 'embarrass' by the truth.
So I'd just confess how I feel and so... etc .. not going to details. Then she start to take notice and 'complain' about 'her' 'secretly' staring at our direction about our conversation. Also shared about the confused feeling about 'her' towards me. As a third party observation, she told me her view and gave one example of that 'interest': about the chatting through the phone almost through out the Saturday 11pm - 4am on Sunday : which both of us(me and her) know it's not a right 'thing' to do as a brother and sister. Also if it is just a 'crush'. Well for me, I'm assured of myself after what God have answer through His signs, but I still have to let God slowly reveal His plans, rather than to plan a plan which is not in His Will.
Also receive an advice from her: "I don't wish to see you sticking around with 'her' (not to be named) or see 'her' sticking around with you."
Everyone have the responsiblity to keep the House of God in purity - it is also reminded by Mr Joshua Harris to every single individual.
I do agree with what he says. I'll have to watch out for myself as both of us are not very spiritually mature yet and there's duties to fulfill - Studies. Also there's no green lights from leaders that both of us are ready for further commitments.
Entering Word Power Challenge for Emerge Conference II. I say it is a big challange to me, yet, it also a good time to meditate on verses. Here are the verses:
Gen 8:22 While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summur and winter, and day and night shall not cease.
Exo 19:5-6 Now therefore, if you indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant ,then you shall be a special treasure to me above all people. You shall be a kingdom of priest and holy nation.
Lev 11:45 For I am the LORD, who brings you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God. You shall therefore, you shall be holy, for I am holy.
Num 6:24-26 The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Deu 28:13 And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them.
Jos 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be disamay, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
Jud 5:2-9 When leaders lead in Israel, When the people willingly offer themselves, Bless the Lord! My heart is with the rulers of Israel Who offered themselves willingly with the people. Bless the Lord!
Mat 28:19- 20 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
Mk 10:43-44 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.
Lk 10:19-20 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.
Jn 15:16 You did not chose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should bear fruit, and that the fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.
Acts 1:8 But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come uopn you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.
Rom 10:9:10 That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
1 Cor 1:27-28 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are.
2 Cor 4:17-18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Through the whole Monday, I'd did also of praying that the Lord will show me a path to plan for the path and and favour for our company, which still need to be registered first. Also yesterday after reaching home, I'd receive a sms msg asking me which day of the book of Isaiah I'll be going. Then I'd replied, "Tues."
At that time, my heart have somehow felt that God is going to stop and end the deeper relationship building between me and 'her'. I'd asked my God that if it's His will that 'she' isn't the one He have planned for me, just end it up by knowing that she's going for the Wed book of Isaiah, so that I could repent and forget that I have 'feelings' for her once.
Yet, upon the name list of whose on Tues and Weds came. So I read the msg and got to know that she's going on Tues as well. Is this a sign from my God? Or is it just by chance?
As I read the name list, I saw JF's name on Tues as well. (Not trying to say something bad.) Well like I posted earlier, JF is a very good friend, brother and buddy to me, but he does not really know the truth about my feelings yet. I too have the intention to send her home by N2, but also if JF is there, I'll take NE1 in order to stop his letting him have a wild thinking why I took the N2.
On Tuesday morning, I still feel about her going for the Tues is just by chance, so I'd asked the Lord in prayers that if she's really the one for in His will for me, please show me another miracle of a sign by doing something or someway that I'll be taking N2, or if not, I'll take the NE1 with JF to know that she's not the 'one'. That I may forget about it. Of course that if God have planned something for you, He will not show only one sign, but also many to assure you that He have said it.
At the time I made these prayer, it was in the morning around 6am. After that, went to school for lesson.
Around the afternoon time, I'd receive a call from Colin and he asked me if I'm going for the seminar so I'd gave him my answer and so then we hung up. Then he called me again and told me that he's also going for that day and asked me what time I'll be leaving school. So again told him the answer etc... and we hung up.
So went and took the train down to meet Colin in Bugis with Ben and JP (another 2 church member in my school.) So met Colin on train and got to know from him that JF is not coming today, then I asked why. He said that JF is willing to exchange with him for Wed so that he could come for Today's.
I was very surprise that moment and was thinking if God have perform this sign to assure that between me and 'her' is a promise (not at the time fulfil.) I had thought of sharing these with Colin, but don't feel like, cuz my 2 schoolmate is beside.
Got to Church and look around. We'd saw QY at the lobby and so we ask of who is here already and who's not yet? Well only one person is not here yet, that is 'her'. So Colin called Karen and I called 'her' to know the situations of both side.
Karen needs the guys down to take the seats, so I ask Colin and QY to go down first, while I'll stay to meet her down to B4. Waited for quite sometime and I saw a quite long time no see friend in Church, Sebastian (sorry if spelt wrong.) Talked to him for a while etc... then Karen called and ask me to go down for the seats before there's none left. She's not here yet and I was looking around, but yet, I think I have to go down then...
Reached B4 and went to look for the guy then moved in to take my seat then 'she' came in... ... er... should I have wait a bit longer in the lobby? Think not...
Then Karen talked to me and I thought that she needs me to move to the top rows of the Audi to seat so I'd moved out after moving up, I saw my Leader sitting there, then I thought that I was going to seat beside her, yet 'she' is also moving in. Then I was thinking if my Leader wants to talk to me of something, but nope. Then Karen asked me and 'her' to move to the previous seats at first. So finally settled the whole thing and still like usual, someone will be between me and 'her' seat, well that's the strange thing that seem to happen for 2 or 3 weeks of SVC and 1st night of Isaiah. (3 weeks of SVC and 1st night of Isaiah between us is JL, then 3rd night is QY. hmn... ha ha... strange... well that's not the point to think about.)
After the seminar, told EJ to wait as we wait for Colin to come up (he's seating at other place of the very pack Audi with KC.) So met Colin and again, Colin just 'flow' with me to take N2. EJ was happy about it, cuz got people to fellowship on bus. 'She' was surprise as well, answering me if I'm serious.
Well we just took the N2 bus and fellowship on the bus... ha ha... chatted and talked about things and I'd shared part of my future plan and the event company some friends and I are opening. I was seating beside 'her' while Colin and EJ sat in front of us. The four of us have a great time sharing what Pst shared for the 3rd night and chatted on other stuff...
At the stop of Sembawang, EJ dropped off. So left the 3 of us and we just continue to chat about these and that... etc... (not going to details.)
Reached Khatib at 11.39pm. We had to drop off then. I'd helped her to throw away some rubbish stuff and hold her books for her. I guess Colin was observing that time... So again, we'd come to talk about the business company my friends and I are setting up. So far, we have a number of 4 people, but for now it's up to a strength of 6 people.
Then we cross the road and chatted, then she felt like going to buy some appetizers for supper or should I say for her 'dinner'. All the coffeeshops are closed and so we went to the closest 7'11 store. Colin entered the store to look for something to buy, and I stand beside her as she chose some dougnuts. She asked me to chose one dougnut, so she could give me a treat (Cuz I gave every note I have to tithe and offering in the seminar. I felt that the Lord asked me to do so and I obey.)
And again, I was trying to reject or so, but... somehow, she's to insisting so I just gave in for that dougnut. So she'd bought 2 dougnuts: one mine the other her's. And when I step out of the store after Colin and her, I asked my Lord that one day, I'll bless her back muti-fold of treats etc... , but of course, I believe that I can only do it with the help of my God for He is my provider.
So we'd alot of laughters and jokes and spiritual things to share of... When I was about to see her off at the lift, she'd hint me that the Passion of the Christ movie is still with her (we're thinking of ripping one copy.) So it was the first time I took the lift up to her house and of course with my dear Sam (Colin... ha ha... just joking.) So we'd waited outside her house as she passed us the disc and Colin and I then left. So as we walk towards the MRT station, I shared my thoughts and the doubts I have between Fran and her and I'd ask forgiveness from the Lord and what happen after last Service. Colin to share about his thoughts.
Then we reach the station, we thought there won't be a last train, but then I asked the personal handling there to confirm if there is still a train: Yes, praise the Lord. Then I shared the prayers I'd made as a testimony what God have done and assure that His Word will help me. (the prayers I'd shared earlier.)
Then Colin asked me about what time did I pray about JF and the bus things, and I told him around that time. With a shock and unexpected phenomenon: Colin said that this morning as he woke up, he felt a sudden great burden that he have to come for today's book of Isaiah, but he don't feel like. In the end, he gave in and asked my Leader and some others if he could come for Tues instead of Wed. And it come to now... and I was really starting to wonder, God now I know that you are true. I will not doubt you, and I will continue to seek you for the answers you have.
Seriously, the guys hope to set up a production company.
Well... the idea was great, but then, Wins and I also shared about it and I was thinking of joining his, cuz I feel more assurence with him even though sometimes, he fails to meet up the needs and failed to pay up his stuff. Yet still, I think he's going to assist Will's event company. If it's going to do it with Will, that's great, but if Wins going to start his own, I think he'll need think about it first - the financal problems etc...
When I heard the idea, I felt that it's sounds really great, but yet they want me to take charge of leadership? Oh... man it's a big task to handle for me. I'd not have much experience on these and that... handling people or customers... etc... yet still, it's a very big stretch to go...
There's still an NS to go, yet I start to see big visions in it and is thinking to sign on for an adventure to rise in ranks and leadership building. It's a place which I feel like wanting to share the Gospel in, but yet will need to build a strong bottom line first. I'm still praying if it's the Lord's calling for me to go in there, so far, I can only see a dream there and a made run of physical test.
One of my dream was joining the Air Force, but it seem so far from me due to some 'eyesight' and glasses. Will have to try to reduce the short-sightness. And it would be a dream come true, but still... it's a long way, I say... May the Lord be with me and guide me to it if it's His master plan for me.
Yet I hope to at least have good result in Khatib Camp for PTP (mono intake) and Samuel's also going to report at that camp with me at the same date and time. I too hope and pray that he's in the same platoon and bunk as me, so I might influence him back to focus on the Lord and may the God do something about his relationship problem with his gf.
Mt 6:33 - But seekfirstthekingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Well been hearing about people around me don't like about Mono intake and would rather have their BMT done in Tekong Camp than in their respective camps. I have no idea what's the difference, but I would rather have my PTP & BMT on the main island, well should be also in Khatib Camp, than taking close to an hour of ride to Tekong Camp on that remote island. (No offence.)
Also Khatib Camp is close to 'her' house, a 100 meters plus of walk, seriously, but I think it won't be really disturbing her studies or so... maybe after booking out, give Sam a call and meet him up to go to the nearest place in Khatib to have our dinner settle there ha ha.... I wanna also take these time to go for driving lessons.
The Lord be the wind of my ship to stir the path which is at His please and as the captain of this ship, let my spirit take control of the wheel and have control over the vessel (the flesh) to guide it to where my Lord is guiding me towards.
Well one last thing to say, Khatib Camp here I come..! ! ! ha ha... The Lord's servant is coming to do something great for His Kingdom in there... Let leadership training start and improve even more in there... Amen. :)
These period of time, I feel that its the time I repent for being over desire of certain 'thing' while forgotten about what should I focus on: that is focusing on my Lord to lead me rather than a decitful heart of mine. Throughout the afternoon, I've been questioning myself about being over desire.
Though I seen the vision that lies ahead, I seem to force things to go a bit 'fast', which is not a right thing at the right time. I'm not going to make things clear here, but after in the school lab, something made me want to look for another good word of wisdom from the Joshua Harris: Boy meets Girl.
I'd posted the proverbs beside the site and I'm going to repeat it here again:
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship.
(Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.)
This proverb really makes me wonder and somehow it have a bit reminder in my mind throughout the afternoon.
A Selfless Desire?? Somehow I try to look back on what's my desire and is it a 'self' desire of is it a selfless desire? I realize that my desires are starting to fall towards a self desire. You might question me what desire I have, but the truth, I believe it will only be shared between me, God, my Leader and 2 good buddies of mine, which everytime I try to talk to Isaac, something or someone would be around... haiz... no privacy... ha ha... well got to let God plan these schedule.
It's better to confess to someone that is muture and yet also wise Christian, for it's better to have someone overlooking the progress and problems then stiring the the ship yourself. Now I do understand the meaning that there should not be a Lone Ranger Christian, cuz he/she can never really stand alone unless there is another to lift him/her up the way.
The Problem that now lies sharing with them:
To God: I believe there is no barrier.
To my Leader: A bit no courage to speak in words, feel like sharing in spiritual report, but still I feel like sharing it on the spot, just a bit puzzle on how to start.
To Isaac: Yo Bro, I think there's still a need of time for you to do important things around when you're free from camp. Yet still feel that we don't really have the chance to chat one on one since you'd entered NS.
To Colin:
Well it seems that I'm more of his listener when talking about games... ha ha... Still sometimes when I try to share the intimacy as a pal, he'd somehow 'change' subject, instead of questioning me why you have these or that feeling. Find that he's changing a bit after the closest ever conversation we could have during the trip back from Khatib to the level one stone chairs of my block.
Yet still, I believe that he's the one that really understands why sometimes I do these and that and react that way since that conversation which even JF sometimes don't understand.
Lets take an e.g. hmn... let me think seriously, there's too many ha ha... lets just take the case on Easter Eve Saturday night after the Easter Service, it's already close to 11pm close to midnight, so Colin and I was thinking of going to Mitch's house for a night stay for fellowship. Mitch decide to halt for a cab home by paying all the cost, cuz he was just blessed that day financially. So there was 3 of us taking the cab North to Mitch house, then a thought just came into my mind and it seem like Colin was already reading my mind what I going to do: was going to lend 'her' a fast free trip home.
So after finish the my sentence, he'd just give a simple 'why not' look and Mitch is ok with it as well. Should I say Mitch flows with Colin as well? ha ha... They're also buddies as well. So I'd went up and asked 'her' if she wants to tag along with us for a cab (sending 'her' home first.) Things just go smoothly... like I say. We'd took a long walk from Indoor Stadium to around Geylang area to halt for a cab (alot of people halting cabs at IS)
Through the walk from IS, we'd encounter people and etc... just my pal seem to understand again what I want to do, so he walked with Mitch chit chatting and laughing all the way and also try to inject some spirit between the both of us to talk... well he's just went the wrong topic though again... ha ha... pulled me of chatting with them... haiz.... ha ha... that's not I want to say or so... or what.
Just want to thank him for being my 'ring' bond companion... ha ha... Frodo and Samwise... ha ha... we'd somehow was joking about this when we have our private conversation... He's just too observant over what's going on between me and 'her' or so what I'm going through. Got to thank him for being a friend, pal, listener, 'disciple' (If I can say that.) wise yet too observant (ha ha...) and last of all a believer of Christ, a man can ever have in life apart from Christ. Amen.
It feels great to be home, but also with a certain pressure of stress with people around:
Relationship with mum: Not bad, at least she listens to me, but still doesn't know why I love the house of God so much more than my own life... ha ha... but I do pray that she'll understands why. I've been serving in helping some part of the household when she's working outside... thats what I felt good about.
Relationship with dad: Pretty bad... no idea what to say to him even when he's around, maybe is the fear that was caused... haiz... may one day God will somehow help me overcome these big 'rock'.
Relationship with Sister: Well not much to talk with her, or somehow when tried to have a conversation with her, she'll somehow reject to talk...
With Leader and ZS (Sorry not to mention name. Protecting ID): I'm very glad to have a great leader placed in my life and thank God for it, but still, I find myself troubling the both of them with my problems. Yesterday before going for charter bus home, talked with my ZS and updating what I'm going through at home and about the new handphone number I've signed: now felt a bit more ashame of myself when he told me to sent the billing address to his house for him to settle the bill. I pray that one day when these big 'rock' of problem is taken away, I'll be able to serve them with all I can all of my days.
I'm also glad that I was able to fellowship with my Leader during these period, cuz it really made me pour out my thoughts and dreams in confession to her, but yet there's still more I want to pour out: like how 'her' and I been going... any improvement opening up conversion with 'her'? Did I break the line between a brother and sister relation etc...? Still I think it's better for me to account out rather than to let things go undone.
With Isaac: Well I really pray that we really have another chance that we can pour out what we have been through and done all these time and our ideas and aspiration for the future. Still there's still a national duty as a Singapore man, he have to fulfill. 2 more months will be my call to NS, really pray that God will show me if I should sign on or not. I believe during these NS period, God will show me.
With JF: Well, God have really somehow brought our flow together since Isaac went to NS. I believe God wants to tell me that He will always sent another person as a pal and good friend in life. I really want to thank him for everything he have helped me along these period of troubled times. You'll a good pal and brother to me, man... ha ha... you earn it... ha ha... Thank God for you.
With Colin: Another good pal of mine. Seriously, I didn't really made him the best friend to be with when I brought him to know Christ. It really takes time to know him through trials and test, but I believe God have made him true as a pal I can really trust all my burdens and spiritual stuff I'd learnt with.
During one of the night when we sent 'her' home, I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to share more of myself and the truth why I come to believe in Christ and what He have done in my life. Also I've told him the biggest secret only God, my Leader and I know about me: Finally shared burden. After this experience with him, our relationship a brothers grew even stronger then ever, if I can discribe, I say it's like Frodo and Samwise in the Lord of the Rings. Really thank God to sent a person like him into my life.
With other members: Thank God for you guys, lets keep on growing the CG... and glorify God's Name... :)
And finally 'her': Sometimes I really don't understand and how to discribe our relationship as a brother and sister. We're always have the on off attitude towards one another: e.g when members are around, we're shy away from one another, but when either with Colin and our own good pals (except JF) of our own, we're chat as much as we can... It's really somehow 'confusing' on last service when Fran came for SVC 3, things just went like 'crazy'. Fran kept calling 'her', no reply, then Fran called JF to get to 'her', something just went very 'wrong' I say, I can feel even JF and Ruth felt that as well.
Something fishy? No idea, serious, but only guessing games running around my mind... my heart just went very bitter with the word 'jealous' going in my mind... and that night returning home, I confess every of what is causing the burden of 'pain' going in my heart and really wanted to just cry out. After these Sunday afternoon, I realize what God is trying to do: He wants me to focus on Him more even when things don't seem to go 'right' for me, trust His divine guidence and calling that is going to come upon me. But still, I still pray that He will look after that 'fishy' thing that is now going around... haiz... I can only end these: I'm seriously, deeply, unknowingly, very confused the present that is going on with her... ...
Last of all, with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ: I believe that He have done signs and wonders in my life that really make me sometimes wonder why He did it, but one thing is for sure, there is always a meaning a purpose of it. I can feel His presence with me through these period even stronger, which I really don't want to lose it. And best of all He is always faithful and listens to my confessions and prayers and repents. He is always watching, trust me... no faithful Christians should lie about that, cuz lying is aready a Sin.
He'd made me overcome my own Sins and He rise me out when I felt that I was nothing on this earth. He is the best of all friends, a man could ever have in life. He's my EVERYTHING! ! ! Amen ! ! ! Praise your Holy Name... :)
Well no idea why the other two guys also start writing thanking msg to classmates. So here's mine :)
Classmates:
Winston: Well I really don't know in what way I can help you with your problems, but seriously, please consider you studies 2nd after God then let other commitment come in. Really thank you for listening to my problems and confessions about myself. I really pray that you'll come back for lesson and let God guide you to solve your problems. Trust God.
Gary: Well seriously, I believe that you would be a great person one day, but something is holding you back from serving God, which I believe it's the desires of your heart and the relationship you seek for. Just a piece of advice: how you have reacted is like what I might reacted, but when I got the counciling and advices I need, I learn to put back my own desires first to serve God's Kingdom (even though I failed to sometimes.) I read your blog just now and you might still wonder who this 'her' is, the only few clue I can give is: She's not the 'lemon2'. She's one of my CGms, the one I cared alot for and pour my prayers for her needs. Like you, I've account to my Leader as well.
You might be wondering why I did not go for her?: the truth, I believe Joshua Harris says about having the right thing at the wrong time is a wrong thing. Well I can say that we're still young, not only just in the Lord, but also in age and maturity. Like Mr Harris also wirtten and said abiut the duty of a guy, it's also my duty to guide and to guard her heart and also not forgeting other sisters'. Some more there's still many characters and habits about the both of us, we have to explore still. So it's not the right way to honor God's rule and timing. Patience is the Key: If God have something or someone for you, He will ensure that things goes by His way of planning, cuz He's the Chief Cook. Enjoy the process and the course of it. I pray that you'll too follow what God have for you.
I'll have to build myself up as a Real Man after God's own heart and build out a career first before once again account again to my Leader and having a green light or so, but finally it's God's Answer is the most important, cuz only God have the blue print of each indivisual's life no matter a Christian or a non-believer: He can cut off the oxygen tank, taking away our life straight away, but He does not do that, cuz He is a Good God. Amen
Ming Hui: Thank for being a good pal man... ha ha... well really thank you for accepting to come for Sun's concert even though was not sitting beside you... ha ha ha... well really hope that you're come visit my home Church one day for church service. :)
Also thank you for backing up alot of things and attandence etc... stuff... also thank for the hospitality in you house... ha ha ha... 'Ta ka la hala' (draw arrows.) :p
Don't forget to keep contact even during NS days huh... remember to tell me which camp you're posted... ha ha... Then might easier to contact for lunch, dinner or whatever... ha haha...
