This blog page is dedicated as a Dairy to the Author's daily life and walk as a witness to the Lord.
All contents are written by the author's witness and own undertstanding from the bottom of the heart. Any error or misunderstanding, the author appologize the cause. Any misusage of contents or spoken out, may judgement be fair.
Verses Coded in Red represents the Words of Christ Verses are all written in NKJV Bible (Coding of other version will be mentioned after verse.)
May your day be blessed by the Journal of the author. AGAPE
1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
What are good friends? When you in times of trouble and depress, take a look around you. Only those who are there to comfort you are the friends. They are those you can speak from heart to heart.
Living with Ability brings Responsibility. Dying with Ability reveals Irresponsibility - Rev.Dr. Kong Hee
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship. (Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) - Joshua Harris
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NSF(National Full Time Service) 35th Singapore Combat Engineers Boat Coy Platoon 3 Amber 3 2 I/C 3SGT
After leaving MH's house, went to Ben's grandmother's wake at Clementi. Half-way journey at City Hall, I was planning to wait for 'her' to enter the station and might catch the train together to meet the others.
But then receive a msg from 'her' that 'her' class is going to end late, because the teacher start late. So did actually waited for 'her' for half-an-hour then left, cuz there is a time limit to stay in an MRT otherwise you're have to pay a $2 charge for overstay.
Receive a msg from 'her' that 'her' class has ended, so I can only tell 'her' that I'll tell the others to wait for 'her', when I reach. So I was the one to reach there first, before hand, Colin msg that he and Jolin will be late. By 5pm, JL came out of the station. Then Colin came from the bridge and Jolin came out of the station.
Then later Jolin felt like grabbing some bits, so Colin went accompanied her (was sick yesterday.) And JL was asked if he want to follow them. A few mins later, 'she' arrive. tried to say hello to 'her', but it seems 'she' a bit troubled and is angry with something.
I got to know that some guy who is with a low self-esteem, in school is bothering 'her' with counciling. So it was the first time I ever seen 'her' getting so angry, but I thank God for showing another side of 'her', which really get me to know 'her' better.
So I accompanied 'her' and we walk down the stairs, then Colin called, and realize that they going up to the station, so I said to 'her' that they're waiting for us up there, so 'she' turn around and followed me. A while later, Colin crash towards me and we met up together.
We took the escalator up to Clementi MRT station again and walk towards the other side of the road to the HDBs. Then we continue our journey down to the site of the wake. It was a Christian ceremony, then I realize that 'she' was very troubled by this felle 'she's counciling. I was worried about 'her' because of it and so I stood a short distance away from 'her' so that 'she' may have privacy.
The other 3 of them walk towards my direction as we look over 'her' direction. Jolin then start telling us some of the problem about that felle. That's how I got to know about it.
After 'she' had finish the conversation, 'she' came towards us with quite a 'sad' yet frustrated look, so we walk towards the wake site. Then we start looking out for Ben.
We'd found him, and he warmly welcome us to a table where we can settle down. Then we fellowshipped together, and he asked us about the how's our Cell-Group been doing and we rough go over it, then I asked him about his relationship matter, which wasn't a approve by leaders of both CG (The truth: they're still a brother and sister, so don't anyhow imagine of this, thx). Then I got to know how it went roughly as well, and it's the matter of time and when the fulfillment as a single towards God's calling.
Later I did observe that that felle is still msg 'her' and apologizing, so I asked 'her' to switch off 'her' handphone for the moment, otherwise it looks distracting to our host or so.
Though 'she' didn't switch it off, one thing is that 'she' just keep it in 'her' pocket and not answer any msg. Well thank God for that. Then our conversation become some laughter and and joke about NS, people, this and that. Then I asked Ben if he knows that person who is sitting behind. But then, that person was not there already, and Ben didn't spot him.
Later, that person walk pass us, then I hastily asked Ben about him, then Ben called him to come over (they're cousins, their fathers are brothers, relatives.) And out of my surprise, my guess was correct: it is Kim Leng my secondary school days friend, we got to know each other through a classmate and he just live quite a few blocks away from me.
I do know that his family is still an idol worshippers, and is not yet saved. Then Ben told us how many of his father's side is not saved yet, I remember is close to 3 of them, and Kim's father was one of them. Yet Ben did shared that his families are still trying to get them saved.
After the topic, Ben then asked if we want to stay for the service. At first, I was thinking of staying, cuz I haven't attended a Christian funeral service before. That was what I mentioned, after Jolin replied that we're leaving later, cuz of POS and Word Power then next day.
That was what I told the others after Jolin's reply, then 'she' said that 'she' had been to two Christian funeral before... and one of it... was 'her' mother's... ...
Out of the sudden, I felt very sorry for mentioning it, and I said sorry to 'her' in front of the guys. Was a very low moment, but 'she' accepted my apology by saying, "It's already a long time, and is used to it." (Something like that, sorry.)
So I was thinking a way to bring up the atmosphere, so started joking about other things to actually cheer 'her' up and the others as well (Not going to details.)
Ben then asked us if he can get us some more drinks, so I asked him in a joking manner, "can you bring us drinks with colors in it? (Flavour drinks)"
"No problem," Ben replied. And he went to get some 'colored' drinks from the cooler.
Then our group conversation become more interesting. Ben returned with the drinks for 5 people, 2 chrysanthemum and 3 soursoup.
Colin then offered the chrysanthemum to Jolin then she said, "2 chrysanthemum for sisters and 3 soursoup for brothers."
Then I took the soursoup, bu then 'she' offered 'her' chrysanthemum for exchange for mine (no idea, but giving some reason, which does not seem to sound any sense.) So I took that drink from the exchange.
So we continue our conversation, then it come to the most funniest part: So we decided to leave the place, before doing so, someone (I think it was 'her') mention about taking the more sweets, then actually I become over radical and so I took almost all the sweets there and place in front of 'her' then 'she' said, "wait, let me open my bag first."
Then I said, "aiya, take the everything on the plate lah." So I took the plate and was about to pour everything into 'her' bag. 'She' looked up and heard what I say, 'she' was shocked by saying, "Wei ! !" (or don't do it.)
It was just a joke... ha ha ha... so we place everything even the sweets back to the original position. After that joke, we stood up and I walk towards Ben who is now at the table next to us as he play host to the NP POS people, and told him that we're leaving due to somethings we have to attend tommorrow.
So Ben thanked us for coming down and so in turn as well. So I asked the others about why don't we go and see his grandmother's before we leave as a form of respect. So the others followed me, except for JL.
We stood before the deceased and bowed our heads. I prayed in my heart as well as I close my eyes. After the moment, we thank Ben and start to leave the place.
Then 5 of us took the short walk towards the MRT station. Jolin then asked us to have dinner together, so we agreed. We pass by a otak otak stall and was hocked by the enormous smell that was so great. So I think it was Jolin who bought 4 of it for one dollor (Should be her.) and it was great business for the boss for there was another customer.
I asked JL if he wants to come with us for dinner, but then he rejected. Then he and Colin have some little problem, cuz he wants to lend Colin's handphone to call someone, but then Colin offered him a ten cent for him to call from public phone. But then JL turned angry for it. (Some misunderstanding I think, but most of us really have enough of JL of lending handphones to call out to people talking for a long time through the phone. Not going to detail.)
Then JL left for the train with us accompanying half-way (Can't enter the station with the food we're eating... ha ha...) And so we took a cut down through the traffic light to the opposite side.
We're chatting and talking along the way and so, was quite a moment of sharing both spiritual and casual chat.
We arrive at the market which Jolin said. (Cuz both me and 'her' does not really know Clementi very well.) Thank God that one table is empty when we arrive. So we decided to order chicken rice together and sugar cane drink. 'She' went to the washroom alone (Fastfood resturant), Jolin went to order the food, while Colin for the drinks (if I'm not wrong) and I look after the table and the stuffs.
Then Jolin returned and asked where 'she' was and I told her. Later 'she' return from the washroom and Colin return. Then the food arrive, and I was about to ask who I should be paying my share to?
Then 'she' realize from Jolin's look that she have paid for the both of 'us'. At the moment, I don't really understand what 'she's saying, but then realize that Colin have paid for the 'two of us'... er... don't really know what to say, and Jolin kept saying keep it as a blessing... then... so be it... then...
But I took the initiative to say grace for the dinner, then 'she' reminded me to include CL's missing handphone and the fasting 'she' had today... ha ha... well... So I say grace thank God for everything and about 'her' fasting and CL's missing handphone.
After dinner (if I'm not wrong), Jolin suggest that we sent a birthday greetings together to Ruth, altogether the same time with the same words and fonts... ha ha... Then we start taking note words of what to say etc... and finally we sent altogether to Ruth at the same time.
So we left the place, and Ruth replied to 'her' only, I think she knows that we're together same place and same time... ha ha... We continue to proceed to the MRT station for the ride home from Clementi. Colin was then joking that he and I would be taking bus home, cuz there is a straight bus home from Clementi (joking about taking the bus home.) Then Jolin argued with us for showing no manhood. Well it was a joke, ha ha.. So we took the train together to Jurong East to take the NS line.
So we took the NS line home, and continue to fellowship till Jolin drop of at her station. Then the 3 of us proceed to Khatib to sent 'her' home (Well, or should I say Colin was with me to sent 'her' home, because I do care for 'her' safety home. Not going to detail.)
When we reach Khatib and drop off, and we walked 'her' home. Have alot of interesting conversation and spiritual sharing as well... etc...
After 'she's home sweet and sound, we left for our home. Then Colin and I have our evaluation for the day's event then we part from one another. Most importantly, Thank GOD for everything. Amen.
18 May '04
Woke up late today: was suppose to meet Colin at 7am, but woke up at 7.33am. And when I check the number of miss calls, it was 11 of it. 3 mins per call?? what the... ha ha... well nvm... So immediately gave Colin a call to apologize.
Around 7.55am, after taking a bath, went down to meet Colin. Later we waited for Bus 165 for quite sometime until gave up and took Bus 74 to a stop close to Clementi. I'm accompanying Colin to his school today and he's returning his keys only... ... and that's the lamest thing you can imagine taking a journey so far from home just to return key to school.
So that was how we spent the whole morning, traveling by bus.
The time was close to 11.30am when we reach our home block, later went to school alone to settle some school fees problems, but can't get to my class advisor... haiz...
After that, went back home (not really back home, but just to meet Colin.) Then we went to Toa Payoh to meet well... Jolin again... and later with other ITE POS people. We reach there before 3pm, and we'd hop off to find some super glue for POS usage later. Then later went around to look for POSB, which is a bo bo... journey... (not going to details.)
Later meet up with Jolin at 3.30pm at Toa Payoh MRT control and got to know that some of them are going to be late. Well so be it... Then by 4pm we're gathered, so we're set off to look for the their POS 'uniform' or team clothing. Later, Colin asked me what time I'll be meeting 'her', cuz if things go late, both of us gonna be late for the Preliminary Round 2. So I'd msg 'her' then later called 'her' to chat and meet at Khatib MRT.
Close to 4.30pm, I said farewell to the guys and left by train from Toa Payoh to Khatib. So reach when I reach Khatib, I tried to call 'her', but 'her' phone is engage. So step out of the train to wait for 'her' at the platform.
It was around 5.15pm when I finally saw 'her' coming up the Platform. Wanted to say hello, but seem like 'she' is pretty upset with that friend on the phone again. I was really worried for 'her' seriously, cuz this was the 2nd time I saw 'her' getting angry over these friend.
After 'her' conversation, I talked to 'her' as a councilor's manner, asking how's that friend been going, at first 'she' does not feel like saying, so I just told 'her' that I'll be waiting for 'her' to share when 'she's ready. Well that was my reply to 'her'.
We skip topic as well, by asking how's the memory of meditating the verses.. etc... also sharing what we have gone through today and so. Was really a very bless conversation, cuz it shows that we're sharing our problems and incident and what have God did for us. So we continue to meditate the verses and so, but for me, the verses seem to be hard to go in... erm...
When we reach Jurong East, we hop off to catch the EW line to Boon Lay. Then we continue to meditate the verses, but was also joking about other little things. When we were almost at Boon Lay, I asked 'her' if 'she' wants to have a quick bit or a dinner? Well then 'she' gave an anything look. Then I say that why don't we take our dinner near the Church area coffeeshop.
'She' agreed with me at first, but then think about the time, we decided to take a the quick bit at Jurong Point. We ate some easy grabing food and took Bus 179 to Church. So I was sitting beside 'her' as we meditate on the verses.
We reach the Church by 5.40pm and find a place to settle down. Then we settle down at Rivera for someone give up a table for us. So the 2 of us settled and continue practicing the verses.
After that, we're still worried for William if he can reach on time. So we went to one corner and prayed together for the Word Power and for William, before we go down to do the 'battle'.
We reach the Audi and went in to settle down and I went to register our names, except for William who is not here yet. So the 'registrator' inform me that William have to report to her personally when he comes.
Then I went back to my place to prepare for myself.
So the 'battle' begins. Was a hard continue, cuz suddenly lose track of the verses. And it's not 40 verses that was test. It was the new 15 verses... ... duh... so what's done is done, there's no more thing I can do as well, so I did it quite 'badly'... haiz... felt disappointed of myself and sorry to God and the faith of the CG and to 'her'... ... haiz...
After the 'battle' ends, I collected all the paper and 'she' told me William was sitting there, which I don't know where... ha ha... well then 'she' pointed that direction and I try to spot him out, then I say William waving at me at the floor area of the Audi. I ran up to him and collected the paper from him and pass it up to the regisration counter.
When I return back to the sit, I said to 'her' sorry for failing... haiz... 'she' was aggitated at first, but then said, what's done is done... well... so be it then... Wiliam met us up and when Pst Zhuang gave the signal the that we can leave, we walk out of the Audi.
I realized that a younger member Pri, was very angry and frustrated for the paper, then 'she' told me that she have not receive the verses from her Cell-Group members... haiz... I think it's bad Cell-Group coordination again.
Can't really council her at this state of frustration as she left Church hastily. So I was with 'her' waiting for William to meet us then William was missing, then found him again at the tithe giving machine.
Then we also met up with other Zone members and we leave the area. They asked us (me, Will and 'her') if we want to join them for supper. William was going with them, then I look to 'her' for 'her' answer, I think 'she' was flowing with my thoughts; which is nope, not going. So we took Bus 242 back to Boon Lay Interchange to MRT. I and 'her' have a chat and also evaluation about the 10 short answering questions: then I took out my bible (NKJV) cuz 'her' bible is a (NLT) bible. Papers are tested in (NKJV) bible.
We shared what we written on the paper when we're on the bus, then 'she' flip through my bible for the answers. The bus was turning here and there for the moments, and I saw that 'she's not standing very still when 'she' flip through my bible and I was felt like holding on to 'her' or so so that 'she' won't have to worry about falling down... ... it was a temptation I confess, but I did not do it, unless 'she' going to fall... and I pray not.
So everyone drop off at Boon Lay MRT and we start to went seperate ways with the Zone members. William joined them as well. So I and 'her' went off together by train. We chatted and shared spiritual thoughts and stuffs. Then we switch to NS line.
When we're on NS line, finally 'she' shared about that 'friend' of 'her's. So I counciled 'her' about counciling to that friend about my experience. I did told 'her' that if he wants to meet 'her' out, try to inform another sister or brother to accompany 'her' and also inform our Leader.
Also 'she' did confess that 'she' did a bad job to council that friend; I repiled 'her' that 'she' did well for it, and no need to feel bad about it. And also continue that there's always place for improvement. I tried to cheer 'her' up as well by sharing my experience as well. Then I felt that 'she's don't seem to be responding, so I shared with 'her' about responding towards people when someone is sharing; like always put your point of view when the person finish sharing, try things to improve the conversation.
That was the point where I feel that I got the message into 'her', and I felt very glad for it, cuz in our later conversation, we really respond towards each other's sharing and conversation.
Later in the cabin, a couple come from the station, so they stood opposite the both of us; hugging each other, sweet talking... etc... (those mushy things... not going to detail.)
I guess the devil does not seem to be happy towards how we broke the spirit of quietness between us. Why I say so? Well, I guess the actions of that couple was really seem to tempt me and overreact myself towards 'her', and 'her' towards me. I can really feel that from 'her' looks, cuz 'she' was trying to ignore glancing at that couple. Well I was also trying so... Well I can say that we have improve our conversation, it's already a great improvement, yet the devil wants make things overboard by destroying the purity in God's house.
I guess it's one of the biggest temptation for us. (I'm not saying that we're a couple or what, but it's tempting me to really cross the line.) So I kept continue to share about other things and so, and 'she' did as well also trying to avoid spotting that couple opposite us.
Well I can say this, "nice try devil. Now go off now in Jesus name !" And I guess we did quite a good job guarding one another's heart and mind from running wild into the tempation.
Thank God that the couple left a few station later. Thank God that He has help the both of us to live in His purity. Thank God for everything and the things that is to come.
Finally we reach Khatib station and we drop off together. 'She' asked if I'm hungry. So I asked 'her' as well, so we decided to take a supper together. Then we went to MacDonald's together chatting and sharing things that have gone by.
At MacDonald's, I asked 'her' if 'she' wants to eat here or walk home to eat. So we stayed. 'She' was going to order a burger to eat, then 'she'd asked what I'm going to get. I told 'her' that I'm not very hungry so would just get some fries to eat. Then 'she' asked me about the size of the fries. "Medium," I said. Then 'she' said to me that 'she's going to buy fries as well, plus a cone.
Then I asked 'her' why she's not getting the burger, yet 'she' just ordered the the things straight away. So that was how, then I also add in a cone for myself. Then 'she' gave me two bucks for 'her' share (a small fries and cone) and I told 'her' that 'she's over paying but a few cents, but 'she' told me to keep the change as well, then I tell 'her' that the next time, I'll bless 'her' back in the next treat (when we're together.) Then I paid the money of our share together.
So we find a place to settle down in MacDonald's. Ate the fries together and cones (indivisual cones.) So I shared with 'her' about people who lend aid to us, how should we repay them, for the both of us, it would be Colin and Jolin, for me, JF was the most important of all. I shared with 'her' that though at this time period, that people lend aid to us, we have know that one day, we're be able to prosper in the will of God, and bless them back as well. It will be in the near future.
Then 'she' asked me about yesterday's dinner, who did actually settle the bill, then I told 'her' probably Coilin settle the bill when the both of us do not know about it. I guess the both of us have to thank God for placing the two of them (Colin and Jolin) for being our aides. After the little supper, we went off together out of MacDonalds. Continued to chat... etc... it was close to 9.30pm by then.
At the traffic junction, I asked 'her' if that supper was filling, I know that those fries can't really help much. Yet 'she' said that it's ok, so I know the answer. So we continue our conversation as we walk together to 'her' place. When we arrive, I see 'her' off and went my way home.
Evaluation:
I believe that God has help us to break into another level of fellowship between the both of us, and I can feel it and I can feel the frustraion of the devil, when he tries to make things over done. But thank God for His faithfulness.
One thing I have to make clear, that is the both of us stand in integrity and purity before the Lord's sight, though temptation may come, we survive it through. And again got to make clear that, there is no touchy business involve even there is the temptation. I can say that the both of us are 'scholars' of the Word and we understand where we really stand. I do really pray for 'her' welfare and 'her' studies. That's what I really want 'her' to focus now.
About the future? Well I have to say, let God be the judge and our Chef Cook for our meal, and I can only share that, the extreme thing if and (IT'S IF! ! ! Please take NOTE! ! !) God allows our courtship, the only thing I will do is holding 'her' hands, and that's all. That's what I want to really protect from ourselves from our own flesh. Amen and Amen and Amen.
Daniel 3:17-18 If that is the case, our God whom we serve who is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will worship the gold image which you have set up.
It's Cellgroup day... Amen and Praise God for that.. he he... After taking a retest, went to MH's house with Gary and we have bought quite a bottles of F&N drinks. The most 'lame' was the grape juice, but it really taste good... ha ha... So we a movie there till 5.30pm, which I have to leave for Cell-Group meeting in my Leader's house, Amen for it... ha ha... have been quite a long time meeting was not in my Leader's house.
After 5.30pm, I walked towards Simei MRT station to catch a train. Then board the train. At the next station, I decided to check out what 'she' was doing at the moment. So I msg 'her'. Then knowing that 'she' was at Jurong, not the Jurong in Boon Lay, but Jurong East.
That puzzled me, but then got to know that 'she's studying Maths there, so I'd asked how was it going so far, yet was a 'stress' of studying there 2 hours and wasn't really fruitful. So I tried to encourage 'her' to pray about it and so to 'relax'.
So we kept contact through SMS knowing where we were through the journey. Then later at Jurong East Station, a surprise guest came in... ha ha... well no other than JF. Wasn't really expecting him to hop on the train in the same cabin with me at that time. I was still meditating the verses as well, cuz the next 20 verses would be tough.
So talked with JF and so. Then I receive a msg that 'she's in Boon Lay now and is going to my Leader's place. JF and I got of the train and we saw Bus 179; so we chased after it, yet also I found 'her' on board as well. So we took our journey to the nearest bus stop to my Leader's place. Then I tried to talk to 'her', but then it seem like 'she's was pretty troubled, but I didn't realize that time. So we also met up with the other sisters.
The sisters went up to my Leader's place first, while I accompany JF for his dinner. Didn't really feel like eating seriously, but JF was insisting that I should go grab a bite using his money as a blessing. I rejected, not because of pride or so, but I felt really burden with it.
So after he finished his dinner, we caught up with William and PY, then we went up to my Leader's place for meeting.
Before the meeting start, we have a prayer meeting for the Indian outreach and members. After the prayer meeting, we got ourselves prepare for Cell Group meeting.
Before having it, we have a round of games. It's a new style of playing 'animal game', cuz we're using bible characters as our actions, so everyone picked a bible character, yet the funniest one was Bro Darni's action for Judas; the hanging (Not going to explain who to play here... ha ha... :p)
Well it seems my character was taken away by 'her'... ha ha... she'd taken Moses away with the same action: the spliting of the Red Sea action. So I have to chose another action. So we played the game; then I realize that 'she' seem distracted by something, which I do not know, did tried to give some warning signal to 'her' from my side, yet 'she' was troubled, but I have no idea what was it.
After Cell-Meeting, Annie told my Leader that 'she' had lost 'her' wallet somewhere in 'her' journey to Boon Lay. Then I realize that was what 'she's worried and troubled about. Yet I felt like I can't really show comfort to 'her' with members around, cuz others will start to wonder. Also I have to protect the agreement with my Leader.
The truth; she didn't really approve us to start a courtship yet, most important thing is that, we're not spiritually mature in thoughts yet, even though I do agree that me and 'her' have been talking spritual things quite alot. Yet it's not the right time to talk about it. I did the evaluation myself as well, and I totally agree, like I did always say in my previous journal, I'm going to say again: the right thing at the wrong time, is a wrong thing.
If I do show how I really care for 'her', other people will start to wonder: what's wrong with him? Is there something between the both of them or are they hidding something?
Cuz I if I do that, everyone will wonder if that's how far a brother can go with a sister, which also its up to everyone of us to protect the purity of God's Kingdom. So I just continue to be normal. Only when I have the chance to get to talk to 'her' personally, then I'll ask 'her'. That's what I can do the most and could do more.
So my Leader was asking which brother will accompany Annie and 'her' to go back to Jurong East to search of the missing wallet, so I did raise my hand up, but not very high, and I guess 'she' did saw that, it was after when the members are dismissed from the Cell-Meeting room.
Yet my Leader asked JF to go with them, well and so... hmm... just let me continue:
So everyone packed up and wore their shoes and so and left our Leader's place to catch a bus to catch the train. Before entering the lift, well no idea, but the sisters want to have a talk in the lift, so all the brothers were like... duh... 'don't waste time leh...' Ha ha ha....
Well so the brothers took the next lft. When we reach ground floor, we find no sisters waiting... er... where are they? Then we spotted them at the next block, whaa they walk away very fast... hmm...
Then the brothers went to the bus stop while they join us after they bought their 'snacks' at a nearby grocery store. After that, we hop onto the bus and went for Boon Lay MRT.
After reaching the interchange, we took a walk to the MRT station. I have the chance to talk to 'her' and ask 'her' about 'her' wallet and stuff (not going to detail). I do start worry for 'her' as well, cuz 'her' IC is also in it. Yet I can't do anything much. tried to tell 'her' not to worry about it and also cheer 'her' up. About lossing an IC, I can say that I have been there, done that, took a photo of it. The good thing was that mine was retrive at the LAN game shop.
On the train, the brothers sat at one corner talking about driving lessons, but it was less interesting to me. So like I said, tried to cheer 'her' up, so I showed 'her' my newly printed name cards (First time having a name card with my name on it... ha ha...) So finally, saw a smile. Also talked to 'her' how thing's going on, then realize that Ruth was sitting beside 'her' as well... then I was... er... hmm... well... ha ha... no idea how to discribe, but just talked with her about the name cards and stuff. She was surprise as well.
Then left the train, with Annie, 'her', PY and CL, when we reach Jurong East station. PY and CL went to the other side to board the NS line, while then JF asked if I can take his place to go with them. Well, anyway, I was going. So Annie, 'her' and I went out the station and chatted about things, then I got to know that Annie is getting married soon, so I congratulate her.
So we come back to the main subject again: the missing wallet. Then we walk to MacDonald's to check out if there is any news. Sad report is: 'Sorry there is no missing report.' Then we start to look for rubbish bins... er... ha ha... well that a new idea.
So no news, then we went to the lft corner and 'she' finally told us the truth: 'her' wallet is lost when 'she' was in MacDonalds, when 'she' went to buy a cone, 'she' only took 'her' wallet and handphone, but then when 'she' come back, 'she' left the wallet on the bag. Then an old 'ah peh' (Old man.) was sitting on the next table beside counting his stack of $50 dollor notes. (well 'crazy' old man counting his money in the public...) So when 'she' left, 'she' said that 'she' thought the wallet was in 'her' bag already, but then 'she' said that 'she' felt something is not right, well too late.
Then Annie and I prayed for 'her'. So finally we gave up and was about to leave the building. Then when we went out the exit, a lady working in MacDonalds came running out with a wallet, it was familar (It was 'her' wallet.) Then at that open, I was Praising the Lord. We thank the lady gratefully and left praising God for answering our prayers. It felt really great when God answers.
Then Annie left by bus home and 'she' and I took the train home. Then Jolin and a POS brother met up with us. So they chatted and we shared the testimony with her and the brother, and Jolin was already like knowing that the wallet will be found. So what's next?
I was going to send 'her' home, but then Jolin nicely say asking me to go home straight since it already close to 12 midnight instead the other brother leaves near Yishun. She was recommanding him for the task. Then I just 'rejected' nicely (not by pride.)
So Jolin drop off as her station and we continue to journey. The brother fell asleep already in the journey. So I chatted with 'her' and it's more like a care and concern chat between us, cuz I did shared with 'her' and Annie about on Thurs, my dad discover my organizer (which have a cross and the Church's membership card') So they're like uh... and also knowing something is going to happen.
I tried to comfort 'her' by saying don't worry about me, still your studies (only tried). Then the brother awoke and asked if there is still a need of his service, then we just say nope. Then he left at Yishun station.
When reaching 'her' Khatib, I was about to leave then 'she' just sat there asking me not to send 'her'. I think 'she' was afraid that it's the last train or so (it's not the last train yet.) So I was insisting until when the door was signaling that it's closing, then my heart just went very soft and agreed to stay on the train. It was really the first time I realize that 'she' does really care seriously, apart from asking taken dinner or lunch. Before 'she' left, I reminded 'her' to sent a msg to me when 'she' reaches home (otherwise I would chase back from the next station... ha ha... well...) I just don't want to let anything happen to 'her'.
So I board off at Ang Mo Kio station and took a bus home.
For these journal, I can say that it's one of the deepest, emotional moment in my life. Seriously, I don't really know if 'she' did it out of sistery love or out of a love to a man, but one things for sure, our bonds are well fixed and repair and bound together. I believe God have did the repair which the devil have dealt (through the conversation I mentioned and that week.), but He have turned it over, giving me more courage not to cross the Line of a brother and a sister, but as a true friend to someone I really love after the Lord, who is first in my life, and out of a honest and sincere heart.
I think God have given me time of test in relationship and family one by one, now again, my dad's 'nutzy' anti-christ spirit is rising again, haiz... I start to feel very boring with it by asking when will this end? I really want to get over with this 'nutzy' spirit and enter another level and prepare myself for another level of growth where the land flow with honey and milk which God's promise is.
This is the day where the E39 team goes for the Preliminary Round for Word Power.
I'd meditate on the verses that I should be remembering with everything I could through the morning: through writing, talking to myself... etc. It was at first, a mess; I have to finish remembering the last 6 verses by 8pm, which the Round will start, sharply.
In the afternoon, I went to MH's house to hop by for lunch and small discussion for work. Seriously, I have to thank him for the lunch. Then got to some business to deal with. I start to realize that I'm not a very good 'talker' or in other word negotiator. Have no confidence in my speech, most importantly. I remembered the first time I was asked to test to give bible study in front of my Leader and other helpers, but I think my performace is very bad... haiz... well, that what I say.
I was wanting to ask the guys to include Mitch in the company, so he might assist me in talking. I felt more confident with a close friend beside to talk to, if say sponsors or clients. Well... the other 2 of them don't seem to like an under 18 in the company. Then I was thinking of a young man who is 20 years old this year (forgotten), he became a pastor at the age of 16 or 18 years old (mentioned in a Christian News Article). He started in his ministry in his youth age, till now, he have contributed to the society in his own state in America by helping drug addicts... etc... types of people to quit their habits and turned these people to the Lord. He also build re-habitation centers to help the poor. And the good news is; most of these people gave their life to Christ and start serving the society.
Don't really have the courage to do things alone... ha ha... well, that's me. So have the sample of a proposal as guide line. I have to put the Word Power first for the present, cuz I know that my team needs me today and will need each other to get the team to the next round.
So I continued to study and meditate the verses and so on. Thank God for that time, I manage to get every word into my mind, but there's a problem to put them into sentence... ha ha...
At 5.22pm, I left MH's house to rush my way down to Boon Lay MRT by train. Cuz I'm meeting 'her' at 6.45pm. So board the train and continue to meditate the verses, straight to Boon Lay MRT. Then I recieve a msg from 'her' saying that 'she' might reach there early. Then I msg back that I'm reaching City Hall MRT soon at that time. It was a shock then... ha ha... well when I'd reach Commonwealth station, 'she' replied that 'she' had just board on the train in City Hall. Whooo.. ha ha... well I guess I'm would be reaching Boon Lay earlier then... no need to say. So the both of us agreed still that we'll be meeting at Boon Lay Control.
Praise the Lord that I was at Boon Lay Control. So I made my exit out the station, then waited for 'her' at the stairs of the exit. I was reharsing every verse at that time. Then 'she' called me, and I answered. I guess 'she' went out from the other exit and coming towards my position. So we met. Then we'd chatted and also shared how's things been going. So we decided to grab some bites before going to Church.
Through our journey, we're chatting and joking, yet also worrying if William will reach on time. Shouldn't there be 3 people in one team? Can't lose one in a good fight. It's like as though as God the Holy Spirit is missing... ha ha... well that was the joke I told 'her', and it's strictly a joke only. We're worrying if William did not come, will we be disqualified or so. Then we'd met Jolin and Colin at Rivera in Church (the waterfall area.) Colin was there helping the POS (Parade of School) for ITE cluster.
So Jolin was asking if I could join in or so, but I have to reject it cuz I'm in 2 items for now; Word Power and Extreme Sports Challange. One more to go? Erm... got to think about. Another thing will be on the Vitamin M side (Money.) Cuz it will cost me something to come to Church to practice the POS and another thing is that I don't have much Vitamin M with me, I have to keep saving every single cent for now (except for the tithe to the Lord) to pay off stuff. Cuz for now, the company is still at planning stage for events, and since Exams are comming close, so no time of thinking of looking for a job. (even though I did ask Colin if he wants to try Burger King with me, but still it will be after Exams.)
So we decided to look for a better place to meditate the verses, cuz it's getting 'noisy' with the POS people. So we went to the reception area accomanying each other, while Colin and Jolin stay at Rivera. I was trying to 'force' 2 Corinthians into my mine, but it was so hard... ha ha... so I relaxed and let it just flow out. Then we went to Rivera again, cuz I guess we can't find a good place to sit down and meditate on the verses.
Sat by the waterfall a few meters away from the POS people. And we sat down and only concentrate on meditating the verses, so we didn't talk to one another for the period of time, only concentrating on the Word Power. After seeing that it was time, we went to the lift at the lobby (reception area). At the journey, we found William, who had finally arrived... Praise the Lord! ! ha ha... He's here finally. Then now we're thinking of going down now, but then, I suggested that we pray first before we go down for the 'battle'. So I'm asked to lead the prayer, and so I prayed.
After finishing, we went down to the B4 Audi for the Word Power Preliminary. Waited for some time then was Pst Zhuang asked the leaders of each team to register for attendence. Then William asked me to go mark for it, then I was er... well so I went and mark the attendence.
The Preliminary start after Pst Zhuang give the signal. Then everyone was busy writting it fast, cuz we only have 40mins to finish the 20 verses. Through the 40min, I felt the Holy Spirit was with me through even when writting out 2 Corinthians, which every single word and punctuation is correct. Praise the Lord. I realize the power of prayer as a team before we go for the 'battle'.
After the 40mins, every papers have to be handed up. So we did as what we could, the only bad thing is that I have not finish writing 1 1/2 verse... haizz... Well so be it. Later we leave to go to roof top to meet my Leader, but then, EJ and I have to go and collect the next 20 verses to be added with the 20 verses taken, which means we have to take 40 verses and also 10 answering questions about the 4 Gospels.
It's very tough.. ha ha... Well so after collecting the next 20 verses with the previous 20 verses, EJ and I went up to roof top. First, William is talking to my Leader, so I don't want to disturb them, so I went up to talk to 'her', who is alone sitting at the bench a distance from the bench where my Leader is talking to William.
I gave 'her' the paper with the 40 verses printed on it. Was very shocking, cuz the next Preliminary would still be 40mins. So I'd discuss with 'her' what plan should we have to counter it.
So my Leader is still talking with William, so we'd left together after I pass the paper to Ange to give to William. Then we went down to meet Colin and Jolin, who are still at Rivera. Chatted and shared how's the feeling is like after the Word Power. Then finally, Colin can leave, but not Jolin. Colin asked as to take a cab home and said he'll be paying the cost, then, so be it, I guess... So we board the cab and went to Khatib first. We had board off, due to the cost was already $12 when we reach there, then 'she' was suggesting that we get a full meal for dinner. So Colin and I went along and we settle down at a nearby coffeeshop.
I did not order any food cuz I know that I would be over spending the limit I have, so they ordered their's. I settle myself with a glass of hot milo... ha ha... that will do. So we continue to chat an share about spiritual things (not going to detail.) After that, Colin and I see 'her' off at 'her' block, then we left. Thank God for everything.
Most importantly, thank God that He gave me the courage to account things up. Thank God that He have place a witness or watcher between me and 'her' to witness that we're in integrity, who is Colin. He have been like the overlooker for the both of us that, nothing does goes wrong, but of course, I'm a man who know the Word and I have to obey how God does His way, cuz it's the most perfect plan, no man can think of. He is the problem solver for everything. And most importantly, Thank God that He have been faithful to us all in our life. Amen.
The Preliminary Round 1 is coming, yet I have manage to remember close to 15 verses. Just that the Cor is hard to get into my mind. The other 5 new verses, I've manage to get 1 into my mind, and was tested last Service, 8 May.
Somehow I do felt the pressure to do well in this, not only for myself, but also for my Lord. Another pressure is that 'she' did very well for all the 20 verses, very few errors. Well I'm very proud for 'her'... ha ha... but still, I have to buckle up myself, don't want to disappoint 'her' by doing badly for the Word Power. I do realize the focus for the grand prize for winning... ha ha... Do have to meditate the verses well with the verse numbers, otherwise would be very disappointing. Have to seek my Lord to for His guidiance.
The Lord is my strength and my shield. He gives the right amount of providence to His people. Amen.
I think my style of posting a journal have to change. So I decided to put date to the event that actually took place as a memo. Well, it's practicing a new style, so don't find it awkward. Thx. God bless.
04 May '04 (Tues)
I guess this is the day, which I'd hop of school. Was at home the morning. Then called Colin up to have a game of Zero Hours.
At 2pm, Colin and I were suppose to meet EJ up to pass him the Mircosoft update against the recent Internet Virus outbreak and EJ's com was infected with it. So we reach Yio Chu Kang MRT at sharp, but EJ was very late. He reach there at 3pm.
So I passed him the disk, but he then told me that his PC is running on Windows XP. Then I realize, the files in the disk won't help him, cuz it's for Windows 2000. Haiz... then we're feeling down about it, but then EJ left with the North train despite of our persistence to ask him to take the South train. He's going to Church to meet up with his other classmates for the School of Parade that is to come on the Emerge Conference.
Then Colin and I hop into the South train to Douby Ghout station to meet up with Mitch. Through the journey, I was confinding my 'relational' problems and fears to him as to share the burden out. So the end, I decided to ask 'her' for dinner with us (Colin, Mitch and I.) after 'her' class, which ends at 6pm.
It was through the short walk to Singapore Plaza to meet Mitch, which I'd shared the problems and decided to msg 'her' to meet us for dinner. We'd reach the 6th level of the building to find Mitch, who is playing pool with his friend. And I played a total of 2 games, one with Mitch the other with his friend. Was great really.
At 4.15pm, Mitch wants to end his game with his friend and they tried to settle the bill. So it was settle by 4.30pm. Then Colin, Mitch and I left the place, leaving his friend playing alone in the pool house.
After that, we leave the building talking and chatting. And I shared with Mitch about the youth hunt which I need to find sponsors. So Mitch suggest that we look for them as soon as possible, so we walk down to Peace center and discuss and plan the things that should be done.
Once we're done, we approach MacDonald's first, then Starhub, and Golden Villiage, and other 2 clothing companies.
So our search was fine, just need to do follow up with the sponsors. Later 6pm, 'she' gave me a call to my cell phone and asked me where were we, and what time to meet and where to eat. We settled part of the sponsor side now and took a one stop train ride down to City Hall to meet 'her', who is in Suntec City after lesson.
Things went out great. and we decided to go to the food court to fill ourselves up for dinner... ha ha... Well then was fun fellowshipping. The truth: I'm not doing any dating or what, but we're in group, so it's fine.
After dinner, Colin and Mitch felt like going to the washroom. So they went, so I was with 'her' alone and we decided to get outselves some ice-creams. So we went to MacDonalds, which is neighboring next to the Food Court, and bought 2 cones. I took initiative and paid for the cones and bless 'her' with it. Though the cost of the cones may not be expensive, but I think that 'she's glad for the little thing I can at least do for 'her', even we're still students. (I do not want to assure this thinking, but that's how I 'can' describe at tha moment.)
And of course, the best of all, we must not forget God. Later we walk towards Tower 3 of Suntec direction and chat along our way. Then Mitch saw a bag or something (Like a purse, but yet slightly bigger to be a purse) which he thinks that he wants to buy for Mother's Day present. In the end, he made a big joke of embarrassment in the store. He accidently knock down a stand about the detail of the 'bag' and it causes a 'dropping' sound, loud enough for people around to notice.
But thank God, the sales person wasn't mad about him... ha ha... When we reach Tower 3, we turn and walk back to Tower 2 then 1. Between 2 and 1, there is a LifeBook store, so we entered it. This is the part which I say, we must not forget God... ha ha... Amen.
We walk around the store to check out books and bibles. And at the end, Colin decided to purchase one book about about the Holy Spirit. Amen for that.
Then we left the place and suddenly feel like entering Harvey Norman to look for at things. It was like an advanture when in the store as we discover things they sell.
After that, we decided to go home. I was like meditating the verses for the Word Power and 'she' follow up with me meditating the verses. And was fun... ha ha... and of course the sad thing is, I just can't get the 2 verses in Cor into my mind. ha ha... Got to pray that God will enhance and teach me a way to meditate on these 2 verses.
On the way back, I met a very unexpected person to see there: Wins. I thought I would only have the chance to see him serving in Church in the future, but he was there. Walking to his workplace. About him, I really feel sad for him, cuz he have quitted school. And moral seems to go down with the debts.
I ran up and caught him and said hello to him and chatted a while and waited for the others to catch up. Then they intro themselves to him and him to them. And he parted with us as he's working that night.
So we went and took the NS train back home. Like usual, I would always try to walk 'her' home and of course most of the time, Colin would be overlooking for 'us' to be our witness that we did not do anything that dishonor the purtiy of God. I believe, I know the rules, and I guess 'she' too knows the rules.
The Truth: I will never put to any guess, thinking, self-believing, judement... etc. to say that 'she' does likes me, unless 'she' said so. Well, that's how I am. Unless the person say so, then I will not make any assurence or guess a certain way. But I do know that the time God have plan, will reveal the answers. Still, I will still continue to serve 'her' as a brother and to grow in the Lord through sharing of our own testimony. Amen.
After seeing 'her' off to 'her' home, Colin and I evaluate how I fair myself and if I did step over the line as a brother. There's still an embarrass feeling in me that day towards 'her', due to the conversation between Isaac and that sister. And somehow, I think I foolishly msg some words that really make 'her' wonder last weekend and seem to overreact myself too much. But somehow, the foolishness seem to help to build closer bond (Not other things) toward one another.
So Colin and I parted when we reach home. Amen.
When I reach home, I receive a msg from Will (My CG Brother) to get the updated verses asap.
So I sms 'her' if 'she' have receive the msg from Will, then asked if 'she' wants to to help 'her' get the new 5 verses for 'her' and pass it to 'her' personally.
The reply was positve; will need to get the verses for 'her' as well.
5 May '04 (Wed)
Went to my Leader's place at Ang Mo Kio to get the 5 new verses. My ZS(also my Leader's husband.) was also there so chatted a while and then went off in a hurry to school for lesson.
In school, told my working partners, who are also schoolmates, about the sponsorship things and about Mitch. Their reply were quite negative about another person to join in, but still gave what I could to explain.
After lesson, a final and last General Meeting for these semester is held. And for us, the year 2 councilors, it would be our last before graduation. Good news for us... ha ha...
It's also the meeting that the next batch of Ex-Cos to be announce. And the result was quite 'unpredictable' in a sense. (Not going to detail.)
Then I'd received a msg from 'her' what time I would be there. Then replied a rough time of 7pm. So when the meeting with year 2 memebers end, I went off with 2 other schoolmate to Tampines Interchange and board on to bus 969, just on time. The number of people lining up for this bus is so incredible that the que was very long. Well thank God that most of the people lining up, don't wish to stand for the entire journey to Yishun, so the people in que stop entering the bus. But for me and others, who don't mind standing throughout the journey, just cut the que and board the bus... ha ha...
On the bus, sms 'her' again to know where to meet etc... then also asked if she'd taken dinner. I guess these is the part which have really change our attitude towards one another. It seem that the 'foolish' words and things I msg 'her' last Sunday about the conversation, seem to make a strong and straight forward, yet easy to be 'notice' that I do care and concern about 'her' and how I really treasure our friendship, which also seem to say that I do like you.
So I met 'her' up for dinner alone... one on one. Then we walked together (with integrity of no touchy business, except helping 'her' to carry 'her' books.) towards the nearest food court in Khatib, which in the next 2 years, I would be a 'casual' customer (The Camp I'm serving NS is near that area.) We'd shared about the things we have gone through today, and talked about other things through our journey towards the coffeeshop.
I can say that, we do have alot of things to talk about and joke about to the closest thing to share; how our own, indivisual family members been going.
These was when we'd settle down in the coffeeshop. So I'd help to order 'her' meal, but seem to order from the less famous store... haiz... a big bo bo made... .... but netherless, I did seek for forgiveness... :)
After our meal, we took a walk till we decided to get Ice-Creams for desert... ha ha... well... ... maybe got addicted to MacDonald's cones... ha ha... This is I guess, be both of us, a 'poor' stage of finance time as 'students'... ha ha... well... that's not the point. It a simple theory: if there is a need to spend money, use it, but also wisely look out from spendings too much. I guess, every Christians have to be taught with these lesson, that's why the Lord always encourage us to give and aid, yet also calculate and plan wisely the spedings, before giving and aidding. But most importantly, if coming to lending aid to the poor, give in faith. Giving is an aid to the Lord.
So after buying the the 2 cones for each other, I walked 'her' home. It was close to 9pm. We continue to share jokes and laughters... and through the short walk. Also I did asked if 'she's fulfilling 'her' study hours.
Then I pass 'her' the new 5 verses and also did check if the words are correct (cuz we come across one verse, which seem very 'blur' and so I took out my bible and we check it out.)
After that and seeing 'her' in the lift, I left and take a bus ride home.
Coming to a point to share is that; does this consider a date?Does seem so, but seem that we'd shared what God did for us more, so if you ask is it God honoring? I would say yes and Amen. But I do have to account these to my Leader to bear the responsiblity.
May God be glorify through any incident and case. Amen.
Well, It seems I got my com fixed and is also upgraded to P4 2.8Ghz... ha ha... Praise the Lord, Amen.
Good things is that I'm back online, but of course there's a new stupid ver. of Blaster worm spreading online... now my school com are indeed down for good, due the connections...
Thank God that it won't affect this com, cuz it's protected 'well'. There's a good face that says, "No matter how tight is your defences, there is always a weakness."
No matter what, So be it.
Relation Trouble Time
29 April '04 (Sat)
Seriously, I have no idea what's going on last week. Had tried to sms 'her' for a short chat, but there's no reply, and it really makes me wonder why?
Then on Sat Service, no sight of 'her' coming or replying my msg. Then my heart starts to worry... ...
After Service, tried to call 'her', but was never answered... that even troubled my mind more...
Most of the members and I went down to the Esplanade to support Sun who is performing there and through the journey, every one was chatting about this and that and also a new friend, who attended Service, brought by Ruth is with us.
Then I took notice of my good brother, Isaac, who is serving his NS, and who he's talking to on the train down to City Hall almost through out the journey down. But didn't took notice what he and another sister is talking about... ha ha... well not in the best of my interest in their conversation... later in these part, Ruth did take notice of his approach.
We reach City Hall and went our way to fill our stomaches for dinner. We have to finish dinner fast as Sun is going to perform for the Labour day event concert outside Esplanade.
The last event is the fireworks. It was spectacular in sight. The fireworks were great and beautiful to look at in the night sky.
After that, all of us walk along the paths to the entrance of the Esplanade and looking at the time, was quite 'early' close to 9pm+. Then we'd no idea where to go, so all of us sat in the main hall of the Esplanade, overlooking the escalator down towards CityLink.
Sat down there and chatted for quite a long time, but I seem to be the 'listnener' rather than the 'talker'. I feel that someone took notice that I was quiet through out. Or I should say, I don't feel like talking the whole night cuz of some worries: I was thinking and confused of why 'she' did not reply my message through the week or is 'she' trying to avoid me or what. Didn't see 'her' in CG and in Service.
Then I took notice of Isaac again talking with that sister. Well no idea about that. But one thing is for sure; when we decided to leave the place to go seperate ways home, overheard Ruth disciplining Isaac about the incident about drawing a line.
So when Colin and I went up to take a bus home instead of MRT, he spoke to me something very shocking; which is Isaac and that sister's conversation. Colin was there by chance and when he heard my name mentioned in their conversation, so he went up to them and asked what they're talking about: About almost everything she have observe and dig out if there is something between me and 'her' - the truth is, there's nothing. We're only building better bonds without crossing the line as a brother and sister.
But seriously for me, I'm a person who only fall for the inside character. And it really feels good if you can see the inside character of that person rather than being attacted by the outside look of that person. That's also the main reason what I see in 'her' and is attracted to 'her'.
I believe there is still a need of more interection between us needed to unreveal our true self and intimacy that is shared, but of course, be accountable and try not to go out one on one. Go in groups as fellowship.
Something that Colin spoke about what Isaac shared with him and that sister, really suddenly seem to boast my self-confidence. What he said was what I did not imagine of, cuz the both, Isaac and Karen knows that there is another guy, Fran, seem to like her as well...
From Colin's mouth; Isaac said that there is no hope for him. Cuz who have more chance to interect with 'her? And 'she' should know what the Word say and he to knows. (I guess what he means should be 2 Cor 6:14 - "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" )
A bad news is that the com at home is down... some software problem and everything is corrupted... well by accidents? Seriously, I have no idea about it.
Thank God that I can still blog in and check emails in school.. ha ha... well does not mean that you can only depend on home PC to log in to net... ha ha...
Well the Word Power 1st preliminary is coming... got to prepare myself 'fit' to do it. Each CG is going to sent 3 members as a group to take part. For my CG; William, 'her' and me are sent to take part.
Seriously, I wasn't in the team at first, then Colin felt like giving up on it, cuz of having a tough time remembering the verses... hmn... No idea... then he'd just 'recommanded' me to take his place... well, 'thx' bro... for the good 'treat' ha ha... It will be a challange for me to remember verses and somehow I feel the 'pressure' as well.. ha ha... not only because of the preliminary, but also 'she's in it... ha ha... sounds like got to push myself on form and spritually fit.
God did call Man to take the lead, well a bit 'ashame' of as well is that 'she's at better stage of remembering the verses... hmn... ha ha... well got to push myself up to another level... ha ha... may the Lord be my guide to it and I'll only measure myself to the calling which is upon me, how far is it. That's the goal. Maximize yourself, Ray. You can do it. Don't lose focus. Amen.
I also sign up for another challange: Extreme Sports Challange.
A physical strength challange sport. Would be tough and need training... ha ha ha...
After Sat Service 24th Apr '04
Was 'pulled' aside to have a short one on one chat with Ruth. I was questioned about the 3rd night of Isaiah after the 'complain' from some; "why you need to wait for 'her' (identity not to be disclose.) to come down?" (something like that)
Well, I'm not a 'good' excuse giver or should I say I don't really lie well... ha ha... well the truth is you should not have a lying tounge.
So she'd told me what she'd know between me and 'her', cuz as I know; she's the key helper in the CG. So I was silent and was 'embarrass' by the truth.
So I'd just confess how I feel and so... etc .. not going to details. Then she start to take notice and 'complain' about 'her' 'secretly' staring at our direction about our conversation. Also shared about the confused feeling about 'her' towards me. As a third party observation, she told me her view and gave one example of that 'interest': about the chatting through the phone almost through out the Saturday 11pm - 4am on Sunday : which both of us(me and her) know it's not a right 'thing' to do as a brother and sister. Also if it is just a 'crush'. Well for me, I'm assured of myself after what God have answer through His signs, but I still have to let God slowly reveal His plans, rather than to plan a plan which is not in His Will.
Also receive an advice from her: "I don't wish to see you sticking around with 'her' (not to be named) or see 'her' sticking around with you."
Everyone have the responsiblity to keep the House of God in purity - it is also reminded by Mr Joshua Harris to every single individual.
I do agree with what he says. I'll have to watch out for myself as both of us are not very spiritually mature yet and there's duties to fulfill - Studies. Also there's no green lights from leaders that both of us are ready for further commitments.
Entering Word Power Challenge for Emerge Conference II. I say it is a big challange to me, yet, it also a good time to meditate on verses. Here are the verses:
Gen 8:22 While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summur and winter, and day and night shall not cease.
Exo 19:5-6 Now therefore, if you indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant ,then you shall be a special treasure to me above all people. You shall be a kingdom of priest and holy nation.
Lev 11:45 For I am the LORD, who brings you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God. You shall therefore, you shall be holy, for I am holy.
Num 6:24-26 The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Deu 28:13 And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them.
Jos 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be disamay, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
Jud 5:2-9 When leaders lead in Israel, When the people willingly offer themselves, Bless the Lord! My heart is with the rulers of Israel Who offered themselves willingly with the people. Bless the Lord!
Mat 28:19- 20 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
Mk 10:43-44 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.
Lk 10:19-20 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.
Jn 15:16 You did not chose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should bear fruit, and that the fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.
Acts 1:8 But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come uopn you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.
Rom 10:9:10 That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
1 Cor 1:27-28 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are.
2 Cor 4:17-18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Through the whole Monday, I'd did also of praying that the Lord will show me a path to plan for the path and and favour for our company, which still need to be registered first. Also yesterday after reaching home, I'd receive a sms msg asking me which day of the book of Isaiah I'll be going. Then I'd replied, "Tues."
At that time, my heart have somehow felt that God is going to stop and end the deeper relationship building between me and 'her'. I'd asked my God that if it's His will that 'she' isn't the one He have planned for me, just end it up by knowing that she's going for the Wed book of Isaiah, so that I could repent and forget that I have 'feelings' for her once.
Yet, upon the name list of whose on Tues and Weds came. So I read the msg and got to know that she's going on Tues as well. Is this a sign from my God? Or is it just by chance?
As I read the name list, I saw JF's name on Tues as well. (Not trying to say something bad.) Well like I posted earlier, JF is a very good friend, brother and buddy to me, but he does not really know the truth about my feelings yet. I too have the intention to send her home by N2, but also if JF is there, I'll take NE1 in order to stop his letting him have a wild thinking why I took the N2.
On Tuesday morning, I still feel about her going for the Tues is just by chance, so I'd asked the Lord in prayers that if she's really the one for in His will for me, please show me another miracle of a sign by doing something or someway that I'll be taking N2, or if not, I'll take the NE1 with JF to know that she's not the 'one'. That I may forget about it. Of course that if God have planned something for you, He will not show only one sign, but also many to assure you that He have said it.
At the time I made these prayer, it was in the morning around 6am. After that, went to school for lesson.
Around the afternoon time, I'd receive a call from Colin and he asked me if I'm going for the seminar so I'd gave him my answer and so then we hung up. Then he called me again and told me that he's also going for that day and asked me what time I'll be leaving school. So again told him the answer etc... and we hung up.
So went and took the train down to meet Colin in Bugis with Ben and JP (another 2 church member in my school.) So met Colin on train and got to know from him that JF is not coming today, then I asked why. He said that JF is willing to exchange with him for Wed so that he could come for Today's.
I was very surprise that moment and was thinking if God have perform this sign to assure that between me and 'her' is a promise (not at the time fulfil.) I had thought of sharing these with Colin, but don't feel like, cuz my 2 schoolmate is beside.
Got to Church and look around. We'd saw QY at the lobby and so we ask of who is here already and who's not yet? Well only one person is not here yet, that is 'her'. So Colin called Karen and I called 'her' to know the situations of both side.
Karen needs the guys down to take the seats, so I ask Colin and QY to go down first, while I'll stay to meet her down to B4. Waited for quite sometime and I saw a quite long time no see friend in Church, Sebastian (sorry if spelt wrong.) Talked to him for a while etc... then Karen called and ask me to go down for the seats before there's none left. She's not here yet and I was looking around, but yet, I think I have to go down then...
Reached B4 and went to look for the guy then moved in to take my seat then 'she' came in... ... er... should I have wait a bit longer in the lobby? Think not...
Then Karen talked to me and I thought that she needs me to move to the top rows of the Audi to seat so I'd moved out after moving up, I saw my Leader sitting there, then I thought that I was going to seat beside her, yet 'she' is also moving in. Then I was thinking if my Leader wants to talk to me of something, but nope. Then Karen asked me and 'her' to move to the previous seats at first. So finally settled the whole thing and still like usual, someone will be between me and 'her' seat, well that's the strange thing that seem to happen for 2 or 3 weeks of SVC and 1st night of Isaiah. (3 weeks of SVC and 1st night of Isaiah between us is JL, then 3rd night is QY. hmn... ha ha... strange... well that's not the point to think about.)
After the seminar, told EJ to wait as we wait for Colin to come up (he's seating at other place of the very pack Audi with KC.) So met Colin and again, Colin just 'flow' with me to take N2. EJ was happy about it, cuz got people to fellowship on bus. 'She' was surprise as well, answering me if I'm serious.
Well we just took the N2 bus and fellowship on the bus... ha ha... chatted and talked about things and I'd shared part of my future plan and the event company some friends and I are opening. I was seating beside 'her' while Colin and EJ sat in front of us. The four of us have a great time sharing what Pst shared for the 3rd night and chatted on other stuff...
At the stop of Sembawang, EJ dropped off. So left the 3 of us and we just continue to chat about these and that... etc... (not going to details.)
Reached Khatib at 11.39pm. We had to drop off then. I'd helped her to throw away some rubbish stuff and hold her books for her. I guess Colin was observing that time... So again, we'd come to talk about the business company my friends and I are setting up. So far, we have a number of 4 people, but for now it's up to a strength of 6 people.
Then we cross the road and chatted, then she felt like going to buy some appetizers for supper or should I say for her 'dinner'. All the coffeeshops are closed and so we went to the closest 7'11 store. Colin entered the store to look for something to buy, and I stand beside her as she chose some dougnuts. She asked me to chose one dougnut, so she could give me a treat (Cuz I gave every note I have to tithe and offering in the seminar. I felt that the Lord asked me to do so and I obey.)
And again, I was trying to reject or so, but... somehow, she's to insisting so I just gave in for that dougnut. So she'd bought 2 dougnuts: one mine the other her's. And when I step out of the store after Colin and her, I asked my Lord that one day, I'll bless her back muti-fold of treats etc... , but of course, I believe that I can only do it with the help of my God for He is my provider.
So we'd alot of laughters and jokes and spiritual things to share of... When I was about to see her off at the lift, she'd hint me that the Passion of the Christ movie is still with her (we're thinking of ripping one copy.) So it was the first time I took the lift up to her house and of course with my dear Sam (Colin... ha ha... just joking.) So we'd waited outside her house as she passed us the disc and Colin and I then left. So as we walk towards the MRT station, I shared my thoughts and the doubts I have between Fran and her and I'd ask forgiveness from the Lord and what happen after last Service. Colin to share about his thoughts.
Then we reach the station, we thought there won't be a last train, but then I asked the personal handling there to confirm if there is still a train: Yes, praise the Lord. Then I shared the prayers I'd made as a testimony what God have done and assure that His Word will help me. (the prayers I'd shared earlier.)
Then Colin asked me about what time did I pray about JF and the bus things, and I told him around that time. With a shock and unexpected phenomenon: Colin said that this morning as he woke up, he felt a sudden great burden that he have to come for today's book of Isaiah, but he don't feel like. In the end, he gave in and asked my Leader and some others if he could come for Tues instead of Wed. And it come to now... and I was really starting to wonder, God now I know that you are true. I will not doubt you, and I will continue to seek you for the answers you have.
Seriously, the guys hope to set up a production company.
Well... the idea was great, but then, Wins and I also shared about it and I was thinking of joining his, cuz I feel more assurence with him even though sometimes, he fails to meet up the needs and failed to pay up his stuff. Yet still, I think he's going to assist Will's event company. If it's going to do it with Will, that's great, but if Wins going to start his own, I think he'll need think about it first - the financal problems etc...
When I heard the idea, I felt that it's sounds really great, but yet they want me to take charge of leadership? Oh... man it's a big task to handle for me. I'd not have much experience on these and that... handling people or customers... etc... yet still, it's a very big stretch to go...
There's still an NS to go, yet I start to see big visions in it and is thinking to sign on for an adventure to rise in ranks and leadership building. It's a place which I feel like wanting to share the Gospel in, but yet will need to build a strong bottom line first. I'm still praying if it's the Lord's calling for me to go in there, so far, I can only see a dream there and a made run of physical test.
One of my dream was joining the Air Force, but it seem so far from me due to some 'eyesight' and glasses. Will have to try to reduce the short-sightness. And it would be a dream come true, but still... it's a long way, I say... May the Lord be with me and guide me to it if it's His master plan for me.
Yet I hope to at least have good result in Khatib Camp for PTP (mono intake) and Samuel's also going to report at that camp with me at the same date and time. I too hope and pray that he's in the same platoon and bunk as me, so I might influence him back to focus on the Lord and may the God do something about his relationship problem with his gf.
Mt 6:33 - But seekfirstthekingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Well been hearing about people around me don't like about Mono intake and would rather have their BMT done in Tekong Camp than in their respective camps. I have no idea what's the difference, but I would rather have my PTP & BMT on the main island, well should be also in Khatib Camp, than taking close to an hour of ride to Tekong Camp on that remote island. (No offence.)
Also Khatib Camp is close to 'her' house, a 100 meters plus of walk, seriously, but I think it won't be really disturbing her studies or so... maybe after booking out, give Sam a call and meet him up to go to the nearest place in Khatib to have our dinner settle there ha ha.... I wanna also take these time to go for driving lessons.
The Lord be the wind of my ship to stir the path which is at His please and as the captain of this ship, let my spirit take control of the wheel and have control over the vessel (the flesh) to guide it to where my Lord is guiding me towards.
Well one last thing to say, Khatib Camp here I come..! ! ! ha ha... The Lord's servant is coming to do something great for His Kingdom in there... Let leadership training start and improve even more in there... Amen. :)
