This blog page is dedicated as a Dairy to the Author's daily life and walk as a witness to the Lord.
All contents are written by the author's witness and own undertstanding from the bottom of the heart. Any error or misunderstanding, the author appologize the cause. Any misusage of contents or spoken out, may judgement be fair.
Verses Coded in Red represents the Words of Christ Verses are all written in NKJV Bible (Coding of other version will be mentioned after verse.)
May your day be blessed by the Journal of the author. AGAPE
1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
What are good friends? When you in times of trouble and depress, take a look around you. Only those who are there to comfort you are the friends. They are those you can speak from heart to heart.
Living with Ability brings Responsibility. Dying with Ability reveals Irresponsibility - Rev.Dr. Kong Hee
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship. (Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) - Joshua Harris
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NSF(National Full Time Service) 35th Singapore Combat Engineers Boat Coy Platoon 3 Amber 3 2 I/C 3SGT
Going to meet Colin out for conversation later... I guess he too need to know what have been going through this weekend.
At first, I'd was supposing to msg Colin to meet out, but I guess I messaged 'her' (wrong person... duh...) Then when I saw the reply, 'her' name appear in my message, then I read the message and gotten a bit 'blur asking me if I'm asking 'her' if 'she' wants to meet that Indian friend out... then I realized that I've messaged wrongly... duh... big bo bo..
Well then nvm, at least finally 'she' replied my msg finally since Saturday night, I made the clarity to 'her' that I like 'her'. I guess God is writing now writing a new chapter for me and maybe for 'her' as well, when the entire matter of truth was revealed to 'her'.
I guess I'm still trying to recover my fall and continue my walk with God. I'd asked Him sincerely to lock up this door for trying to step into a relationship (Though before, my mind was clear that it wasn't time.) and also gave the keys to Him until His timing is right. I guess the both of us does roughly know what God is going to do. Still the effects of the fall is there; heart aching feeling, yet satisfy with it, cuz I'd finally told 'her' the truth.
The only one thing that is still dwelling in my mind which I guess the Lord is reminding is that: till 'she' finishes 'her' studies. I have no idea, but I think I recieve a time being; 3 years. I guess 3 years of waiting will be a patient test. The story of Jacob and Rachel pops into my mind: Jacob served Rachel's father for the total of 14 years just to have Rachel as wife. I guess Jacob was really a man of patience to serve 14 years in his life
Then so be it, may the prophesy come pass and after it, God be the judge. Still let the 3 years be a challanging time for my growth in Him. I guess I can see the vision, but yet it wants to dare my to challange myself for the vision. Though it would be far. The challange is: Do you want to be a dream catcher or let the dream be just a dream that will not happen?
I guess there is a lot of repentance and forgiveness I have to make to almost everyone and most importantly to God and also to 'her', which I guess I failed to protect and to guide 'her' as a brother…
There are also a lot of things to clear up.
Firstly: The both of 'us' did not confess and say to one another that we like each other (and also since we did not say that, the conversation we had is casual.)
Secondly: We did not really have conversation through the phone for more than 10mins after the 4 hours of chatting through the phone incident until the most recently happen case about that Indian friend… which only once did we talk through the phone for 10mins just to deal with this case.
Thirdly: It’s true that we did meet up individually and it’s not more than 5 times that I got to confess… and I have to repent for… and most of the time if we do meet up, I always try my best to call Colin up to meet with us and sometimes Jolin would join 'us' up (which I did not expect) to be witness and oversee everything…
Fourthly: Most of the conversation when we were alone at home or other place is only through sms… which we did not have any conversation that really dishonor the purity of God’s house. And also most of the time, I would be asking 'her' about how many hours of study hours 'she' still have to go for, and if its a lot to catch up, I did always encourage her to fulfill it and apologize for ‘disturbing’.
After Service
I remember that I did ask if I could seek council from my Leader… but I think things just went a bit messy because of the Indian friend’s problem… and I did ask 'her' that if he is the main reason who have been ‘bombarding’ 'her' hand phone and also holding 'her' from fulfilling 'her' study hours. And 'she' did confess that it is… I don’t really know when this guy keeps ‘pestering’ 'her', but it happened through this year.
I got to know all these a week ago and 3 days ago, I called him up and had a conversation with him… Through the conversation, I find that he is really a weak person… a lot of things he said was very serious, but always when I tried to council him, it’s always back to the same point again… I guess he just don’t get my point.
The second night, he called me and asked why 'she' is not answering his call and replying his sms (Cuz the understanding 'she'; has have ran out on him. And also I’d asked 'her' to concentrate and focus on 'her' exams, not on him) I told the guy and reason with him that 'she’s having exam and please try not to call 'her', cuz he’s being distractive… after the night, I guess my understanding of what to tell him have also ran out, so I’d asked Bro. Darni on how to help him: Bro. Darni did heard the conversation through my house phone when that guy called to my hand phone in the night. (Which I’d opened the loudspeaker of my hand phone.)
Today, the guy seems never to give up calling 'her'… and 'she' has been rejecting his call when we arrive to Church… and even after service… and the worse till now (after we learn to obey my ZS’s advice.) That guy is also calling and sms-ing me through the night and even on shutter bus. And I have been ignoring his call and also rejecting his call to 'her' hand phone… I guess we’re getting a bit mad and also sorrow for what have happen.
Ruth had talked to the both of 'us' wanting to understand about what had been going on about calling up one another… At first, she talked to 'her', but I guess 'she' did not spoke of anything… then she asked me to clear things up… I guess I too have a hard time on how to start as well… I guess the both of 'us' are like ‘that’ (don’ know how to explain from the start.) I guess in the end, I get to start for everything and every issue when we did talk on the phone and also, finally the most recent problem made 'us' call up to discuss about how to deal with that Indian friend… I guess we have to thank God for making 'us' speak forth the truth…
After our conversation with Ruth, I accompanied 'her' home (I guess 'she’s starting to have some emotional break down…) and that guy kept calling 'her' number and the worse ‘bombarding’ 'her' message folder… and we did obey what my ZS said: Ignore him. So I saw 'her' kept on deleting every message that guy have message (including the messages when we’re with Ruth, but we did not touch our hand phone when having conversation with Ruth.) And the messages get to more than 10. It’s getting very outrageous for this guy… I guess 'she’s also fad up off him as well, so I took 'her' hand phone over and deleted the messages for 'her' behalf.
Like I said, this guy just keep calling the both of 'us' even on the shutter bus and I’d continue to ignore his call in silent mode and canceling rejecting his call on 'her’ hand phone… and the most thing I said to 'her' was that, “the problem is now beyond of our understanding.” (We can’t help him much anymore, which also gotten 'us' to be very unwise for solving things underhand.)
JL was with 'us'… I guess he chose the wrong timing to speak forth ‘nonsense’, which I guess 'she’d scolded him for talking the wrong thing at the wrong time and about people’s privacy with hand phone (he had been trying to look at what message 'she’s messaging and to who.) and I guess 'she’d been crying from inside since after the conversation with Ruth. I just don’t know…
So I separated 'her' from JL. It was a moment of silence for us and the guy kept calling us and messaging 'us'… I have to confess that at that moment, I felt like crying from the inside already and with him kept pestering her, I felt like wanting to give the guy a tough slap on the face (God forbids.)
I felt like telling him straight to the point: “Please stop calling 'she' and I, we had enough of problems, misunderstanding and also confusion between the both of 'us' and to those above 'us'… And I believe that whatever advice we had gave is more than enough, and you have NOT applied on what we have said to use… How much more do you want 'us' to go out for you? You have been very dependent not only on me, but also on 'her' for advice and counseling, and you have already trespassed on both of our boundaries as a friend. Can you stop keep on calling 'us', wanting 'us' to make decisions for you! We’re neither your parents nor your guardians to make decisions for you. Please grow up and be independent to make your own decision and also please don’t do any foolish things that are against the law. Thx.”
That was what I felt like telling him straight at his face. After reaching Khatib (the last destination) we boarded down and silence was between 'us'.
Vital and Important Confession
I guess this is the vital moment of time that we really need to talk about and to clear things up. So I asked 'her' if we could have a conversation clear things up. I guess 'she' still does not know what I am going to tell 'her' about.
After reaching 'her' block, I… showed 'her'… the reply of my… Spiritual Report… and I told 'her' please don’t be shock… I believe that she do have the right to know why 'she' had been discipled and Ruth kept mentioning about BGR and stuff during our 3 person conversation.
I guess 'she' had a new revelation on matters. I’d also… confess to 'her' that… that… I like 'her'. I felt the Holy Spirit is working on things to settle things up between the problems, misunderstanding and confusion. That’s what I confess to 'her'… I like 'her'…
And also I felt a bit foolish of me wanting to know what 'her' reply… is yet… 'she' said that 'she' will not tell me if 'she' does have the same feeling… and wants to concentrate for 'her' studies at the moment.
So I told 'her', “I will wait for you,” as 'she' about to enter the lift and we bid each other farewell. When the lift door is about to close, I wanted to tell 'her' another thing and 'she’d stopped the lift door from closing, “And hey... I hope and pray that whatever I said did not change our opinion towards one another, and I really treasure our friendship. Good night.”
That was what I said to 'her' after that. And I left… went home to pray and to confess to God for forgiveness. Also I’d sent 'her' the last msg of the day in context: Hey, of what I’d say to you just now, I really hope that it will not affect your studies.. or I might not forgive myself.. And…I’m sorry for the cause. Good night.
Evaluation
I guess that’s what the Holy Spirit wants 'us' to do, cuz I can feel the Holy Spirit pounding me to tell the truth to 'her'. And I believe 'she' also have the right to know or else 'she' might still be ignorance of why Ruth kept on mentioning BGR and stuff through the meeting, which also hit QY’s heart about his past.
I think as a man’s role for me, I think I failed to protect and also account for what 'her' and I have gone through, but all these, Colin does know about it, which I have to confess. And also I failed as a man, like the bible says: to guard, to govern and to protect. I guess he(Colin) is the Samwise Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings Character) which God have put in my life.
The second part I failed as a brother, is not able protect a sister’s emotion (which I think it was indirectly) and also to guide 'her' to account things rightly and to write a better SR and also guiding 'her' to be more bold to express 'her' ideas and thoughts.
For the moment, I do believe that we need to settle with what we have newly learnt from each other… and may take time to settle, but I do pray to God that it won’t affect 'her' spiritual growth with God and between what is between 'us'… and I do pray that the outcome of it will still be a positive, but of God’s will…
I guess through these, God seem to have enlarged my capacity to handle 2 big headaches: One between me and 'her', 2 That Indian friend’s problem. These I do not know, but I do feel that I have gone to another level with God, but yet it would be a lesson which I have to learn from.
The True me:
I don’t know if I have shared this, but surely Ruth and Isaac do learnt about these from me which I have confess to them in a discipleship when Isaac and I was under Ruth’s guidance.
When I was not saved, I have not gone into any relationship or even tell a girl or lady that I like her face to face till now (or should I say yesterday). One things to say that I did share that I have fall for 4 girls when I was not saved and was not fruitful, but thank God that it wasn’t fruitful. It’s like a one sided crush.
I have this mindset when I was young; I believe that a man should only go through one relationship, and is married to the girl or lady in that one relationship. I guess that is why a lot of people and even some friends in school mock at me for what I have set in my principles and even shock that I’m still… a … ‘virgin’ about relationship. I guess this was also the principle which really draws me near to God Himself, cuz like the bible says: in Gen 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become oneflesh. And even Jesus mentions it at the Gospel, “At the beginning it wasn’t so…”
I guess that’s how my conviction starts to grow and the root on the Word is grown. One thing I have to confess is that I don’t really have much dream or nightmare when I was saved, but when I do dream, it seem that the dream is about what may happen in the future, I guess God do give vision through my dream.
I guess after that dream, it really arouses me towards the future. And it’s also where I guess it convict in my heart that 'she’s the one I’m looking for and I did prayed about it and so, I guess God gave a red light signal for it, through a book, which says, “the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.” I guess that’s why I had kept myself away for so long to tell 'her' that I like 'her', cuz it’s the wrong timing. I guess the Holy Spirit finally gave a green light to say it that night, but it was so difficult to say it (didn’t look at her eye to eye.) Then after that, I also see a red light to say something like these, “ok now… Ray, I have to put a red light and it’s time that you two have sometime to think about it, and both of you are still young. There’s still plenty of time for the both of you to talk about love, but please concentrate on the dreams and visions that is given to you.”
In Confession before devoting to God’s will
Firstly: I guess 'she’s the only one which I’m deeply attracted to (not by her physical outlook) I don’t know how to describe but I think can be like what Pst Kong said, “the potential that is within”, but it’s just too beautiful…
Secondly: I guess it’s like Ruth said that I did protected 'her' from that Indian friend of 'her's, but is not wise to do things in my own hands, but I still feel that I did a bad job…
Thirdly: I guess it’s all up to God’s plan and guidance for everything.
After writing so much, it’s like as though as God is writing the chapters of stories that is in my life and day by day, it would be like turning to another page of the book, which reveal each new chapter of the story. Also I’m still attracted to know how the outcome of 'her' and I is like. I heard of one member shared that how a story end is how you decide to let it be. I do partially agree, but I have another thing to add is that, “God is the author each of our life. He is the author of our love story, our relationship with our friends and enemies, and families, and careers and hope. He is the Chef cook of every single dish that is serve to us. He is the one who show the direction for us to follow in times of trouble, and He is Everything a man/woman can look upon for everything wisdom, guidance… etc….”
I guess something have to be clear, but yet, I think I written some 'rubbish' in the last Spiritual Report. I think it's unavoidable at hand: Let what is done, be done.
I think it's time that I have to tell 'her' something and set rules between us. Should be asap before the future decided by the present. I guess that's why the Lord showed me the chapter about planning guidelines (Previous Entry.)
I guess stating things clear would be good not only for the both of us, but also to build a trust with my Leader. It's accountablility. I guess tomorrow would be good to plan guidelines, and also to account the contents in the guidelines asap. But first, I feel that it's time to tell 'her' something 'she' should know. Still I don't know what the outcome may be like. Need to call my buddy as a witness, or will cause alot of trouble for us. Better to have someone to over watch then none.
Things have to keep moving and impove. Self-control as well with guarding and protect against the temptations in the mind and heart. May the Lord God whom we serve guide us with His plan, which is the best plan. Amen.
I guess this morning God have start to work part of the answers out...
Thank God that I'm not going to be de-barred for a 'pretty' lame module, but by His grace, the teacher in-charge helped me along to pass up whatever stuff that is still lack... By His mercy, everything will go fine. Amen.
Another thing which why I said that my Lord is answering is that 'she'd finally replied my msg, after 3 days of depressive battle with the kingdom of darkness, I guess my sincerity and also persistence heart have moved 'her' to reply my msg. But most importantly is that God have made 'her' moved.
Though, it's very hard to explain in simple sms, but I guess the both of us is going to meet up for maybe lunch or dinner tomorrow. Still, only my Lord knows if things will go out fine and fruitful.
I guess, Mr Joshua Harris is very right about a guys responsible. No matter what, treat every sister with a sincere and honest heart, and you're see God's reward for you.
I do pray that after the lunch or dinner together (NOT as a couple, but as good friend) We can have a good talk and conversation with one another, fixing the broken bond. Have to trust on my Lord and His Holy Spirit to work between us, for He have been very faithful for the both of us. I guess it's also time that I take initiative, but guidlines have to be drawn out.
After reading till 3/4 of Mr Harris 2nd book, I felt very convicted in my heart that a friendship with the opposite sex also seriously need a guide line of what he/she can and cannot do to one another.
Even though that chapters is talking about things that is in a courtship, I guess it also does work between me and 'her' as friends. Must draw a guide line. Maybe after finish reading the book, might lend it to 'her' since holidays are coming, but still, I NEED THE FIRST BOOK: I KISSED DATING GOODBYE - back... ... gr... can't stop thinking about the book might not be able to be recover from a backslided member... ... also that lady isn't answering any one of our calls...
Haiz... I guess no matter what, I believe every singles have to read the first book before reading the second (which is a tougher one, cuz they link sometimes.) Maybe, I'll be re-buying another copy of the first book to lend out, but it's always the Vitamin M matter... ... duh... ...
Well, tomorrow is my last paper and I'll be graduating soon... he he... still, I'm wanting to persue my dream, I guess I need more of God's miricale and His grace to fulfill my dream. May His grace shine upon those who trust in Him. Amen.
Also, got to wait for tomorrow first, after opening up both of our hearts towards one another, being clear of what matter have brought 'her' so down and I guess I have a responsiblity to guard 'her' heart, can't leave 'her' alone to face it... that's not my style of handling those whom I love. Also may pray for 'her' after it... that's all I ask. May the Lord help His servant.
Don't know how to express this sudden depression after finally receiving 'her' msg. No idea what is 'she' going through right now, only know that 'she's going through some though time, which even 'she' refuse to share.
At first, I thought I was the one who causes the problem, but it seem that it's not the reason and it don't look very simple. Cuz it's very sudden of 'her' changing.
Did tried to call 'her' and msg 'her' and asking what's wrong with it, but after receiving 'her' last msg, I start to feel very burdened by what 'she's trying to say. Maybe I did a bad job as a brother, or should I say a very 'close' friend to 'her'.
Wanted to minister to 'her' and know what went wrong, but yet 'she'd refused to answer my call and reply my msg.
I intend to find out what happen, maybe tomorrow, or someday within the week. I felt that it's all my fault of it even though I do not know what it really happen.
Am I really so foolish to think that things between the both of us are growing well? Or should I say it seem to have a 180 degree turn?
Have no idea and I'm very burdened for 'her' and 'her' studies. I believe that prayers and fasting will burden the Lord to help us both, I guess we do need His help really badly now... May the Lord be gracious to what 'she's going through right now. Amen
Was feeling down these weekend: first, didn't see 'her' in Service this week. Actually that's 'ok' if 'she's not coming for Svc 2, but as long as 'she' makes up for the other. Then secondly, there's not a single reply from 'her' till now since yesterday. No matter through calling or messaging.
Just don't get it... something is wrong?!? Was pretty troubled, cuz it's not the first time from 'her' ignoring my message.... The last time was close to 3 to 4 weeks ago... And it was not the only time... hmm... sounds very strange... almost every one month will always happen... er... reminds me of the first time being 'reprinted' by 'her'. Then got to know from 'her' that it's the all women have problem every month (Not going to detail.)
I guess it's the same scenario again... Was talking with Colin about it as well and learnt that it seem like almost all women have this sudden change of attitude: my mother, Colin's... etc... no idea... duh... I guess it's hard to say
Well, It's really hard for men to understand a women's world. I guess that's why Pst Tan praise God's creation for women, cuz they add colors to the world we live in.
22 May '04, After Service
Was great after service, just felt my spiritual battary charge back and ready to kick off the next week. After the Service, we celebrated our Leader's birthday with the whole GT zone members. It was a surprise for her from the zone, but also a con part is that our cellgroup members didn't really get her a birthday cake or something... Can really sense the 'down' feeling for my Leader, but... but... we got a surprise... ha ha... not going to spill anything out from here, cuz plans have not gone out yet.
I guess another sad thing that I can sense from my Leader is that 'she's not here for service today... the helpers did tried to contact 'her', but not a reply. I can sense the worried feeling, but I'm not very sure of it.
Out of my surprise, my good friend, Colin, bought dinner for me. I was hit down to a curse of $10 pocket money, thax to 'him who is in this world'. But God is always faithful, He will always put aids beside His servant.
Colin and I sat close to one corner to eat our dinner aside from the other members. We have a private chat and conversation at the corner of things that cannot be openly shared with other members (except for my Leader, got to account it later in SR.) I guess that was the part which my Leader seem to get pretty upset for, cuz of our private conversation.
I guess she might be thinking that our conversation should have a link to why 'she' isn't here for Service, but I can assure that it's only half true.
Why 'she's not here for Service? I guess in the earlier part of the entry is pretty 'clear', but it's only me and Colin's presumption. We don't really know the truth - I guess our Lord knows it.
If she is reading these entry; I have to say that I can assure and double assure you that things between me and 'her' are great and is going well, just don't know why 'she's not here for Service and is MIA'ing.
I'm still trying my best to contact 'her', but still not a single reply... I'm getting very worried as well, I can say that it's not 'her' character of not replying message espacially it's from members.
I am still praying about these matter still, and Colin did called me the afternoon to check out from me. I guess he's also seeing 'signs' and 'wonders'... ha ha... well... I guess I don't have the mood to joke about it as well.
I can only pray that 'she' will reply my msg soon, that's all I ask. I guess the Lord's grace and mercy held away the PO for the while as another of this problem arise in my life. May the Lord show me His Answer to these problem, Amen.
Been thinking for a while, if there is some problem with me inside... well, yes indeed, bonds formed between Colin and 'her' are stronger, but is there something more lack?
Bring friends to Christ? Was the first task given down, but when looking back... ... it seems that classmates around are pretty 'Ah beng' sorts, yet did I do a good task on them? I guess maybe not... yes, I've been quite passive, I can say, yet seems like problems fliping in like a set of test papers letting you to solve the equations.
Have to admit that there is quite a big lack in myself, not just talk about financial area, but also some spiritual problems... just find myself less reading the Word, not because I have no time, but rather seem to spent more time fellowshipping, playing games and also journey time - praying rather than reading the Word.
Even bank account did went to a single digit number, but I'm still believing that changes will come. After the half of the month of June pass, I still have faith about recovering from break down of financial, cuz I've graduated from school by then and worse is just no pocket money. Actually it have been quite a miracle for me to survive with $10 of pocket money for this week. Praise the Lord for that. I have to pray that jobs still accept a person who is going to serve NS soon... ha ha... An Amen for that.
Acts 2:17 'And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams.
Would like to start with this verse before I touch on other things. Think about it...
Well? Any revelation after thinking what the Word of God wants to tell you? By roughly explain, these verse is spoken by the prophet Joel. Peter preach on these verse when he was standing before the people of Judea who dwell in Jerusalem, after the resurrection that took place in Christ Jesus and when He ascended to heaven.
This is which the Book of Romans talks about rependence from Sin and how to be saved:
Rom 10:9-10 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Though might not sound any link, but what I want to amplify is about 'Your young men shall see visions'.
It's very true of what the bible says: cuz do you see all the people in BC. dream of visions? I guess not all.
But if you ask now, the answer is YES!! It's true that people like you and me dream dreams and big dreams, but how many of us did really put it into action? Some people only dream it, but when come to reality Singapore; most people would think of the one big thing, which is how do I earn money for a living? Most would say tell you, "don't dream about it, learning how to earn money is more important."
But let me ask one question; even if you earn all the money you can in these world, are you happy from your inside? The truth is that with money, you can buy almost everything (except for true friendships, relationships, feelings that is from the heart.) I'm not trying to say that money is 'evil', but what I'm trying to ask is that; have you place money as an idol or your god in your life? If so, I guess you won't be happy from the inside, cuz every morning when you woke from bed, you would be thinking thinks that relate to money.
When God first created the Garden of Eden, there is gold and precious gems in the Garden:
Gen 2:10-12 Now a river went out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads.
The name of the first is Pishon; it is the one which skirts the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold.
And the gold of that land is good. Bdellium and the onyx stone are there.
Focus on the bold letter word: what does the bible says? The Gold of that land is Good. God created it for men to enjoy the riches, but He did not created it to make men idolize it. The problem with most worshippers of idols is that they are worshipping the gold, jade and other precious stones, which God has created at the beginning. While these worshippers call it their gods, God became angry about it when the children of Israel fall into idolatry and even some of the prophets in the bible also say against these idols which men made for themselves.
The truth is that no one can actually see God: if you do see Him, you're perish, cuz God's glory can't stand Sin in a person. But when Jesus came to these broken world, He brings a new message from the Father to mankind:
Mat 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
The new way have come to see God, and it's only through Jesus Christ
Jn 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
This is what I can say to you, no one can force you to believe in Him, but the the question only comes is that when the day He returns, what are you going to do? cuz the Father has only open the path to heaven through His Son, Jesus Christ. And there is no other way, which means that you can only chose one way, either put faith in Christ Jesus with your life so that salvation is made unto you, or you can chose the other path, which is; continue to serve the idols which Satan has used to make people worship him and join him and his angels in a place you don't wish to be.
After leaving MH's house, went to Ben's grandmother's wake at Clementi. Half-way journey at City Hall, I was planning to wait for 'her' to enter the station and might catch the train together to meet the others.
But then receive a msg from 'her' that 'her' class is going to end late, because the teacher start late. So did actually waited for 'her' for half-an-hour then left, cuz there is a time limit to stay in an MRT otherwise you're have to pay a $2 charge for overstay.
Receive a msg from 'her' that 'her' class has ended, so I can only tell 'her' that I'll tell the others to wait for 'her', when I reach. So I was the one to reach there first, before hand, Colin msg that he and Jolin will be late. By 5pm, JL came out of the station. Then Colin came from the bridge and Jolin came out of the station.
Then later Jolin felt like grabbing some bits, so Colin went accompanied her (was sick yesterday.) And JL was asked if he want to follow them. A few mins later, 'she' arrive. tried to say hello to 'her', but it seems 'she' a bit troubled and is angry with something.
I got to know that some guy who is with a low self-esteem, in school is bothering 'her' with counciling. So it was the first time I ever seen 'her' getting so angry, but I thank God for showing another side of 'her', which really get me to know 'her' better.
So I accompanied 'her' and we walk down the stairs, then Colin called, and realize that they going up to the station, so I said to 'her' that they're waiting for us up there, so 'she' turn around and followed me. A while later, Colin crash towards me and we met up together.
We took the escalator up to Clementi MRT station again and walk towards the other side of the road to the HDBs. Then we continue our journey down to the site of the wake. It was a Christian ceremony, then I realize that 'she' was very troubled by this felle 'she's counciling. I was worried about 'her' because of it and so I stood a short distance away from 'her' so that 'she' may have privacy.
The other 3 of them walk towards my direction as we look over 'her' direction. Jolin then start telling us some of the problem about that felle. That's how I got to know about it.
After 'she' had finish the conversation, 'she' came towards us with quite a 'sad' yet frustrated look, so we walk towards the wake site. Then we start looking out for Ben.
We'd found him, and he warmly welcome us to a table where we can settle down. Then we fellowshipped together, and he asked us about the how's our Cell-Group been doing and we rough go over it, then I asked him about his relationship matter, which wasn't a approve by leaders of both CG (The truth: they're still a brother and sister, so don't anyhow imagine of this, thx). Then I got to know how it went roughly as well, and it's the matter of time and when the fulfillment as a single towards God's calling.
Later I did observe that that felle is still msg 'her' and apologizing, so I asked 'her' to switch off 'her' handphone for the moment, otherwise it looks distracting to our host or so.
Though 'she' didn't switch it off, one thing is that 'she' just keep it in 'her' pocket and not answer any msg. Well thank God for that. Then our conversation become some laughter and and joke about NS, people, this and that. Then I asked Ben if he knows that person who is sitting behind. But then, that person was not there already, and Ben didn't spot him.
Later, that person walk pass us, then I hastily asked Ben about him, then Ben called him to come over (they're cousins, their fathers are brothers, relatives.) And out of my surprise, my guess was correct: it is Kim Leng my secondary school days friend, we got to know each other through a classmate and he just live quite a few blocks away from me.
I do know that his family is still an idol worshippers, and is not yet saved. Then Ben told us how many of his father's side is not saved yet, I remember is close to 3 of them, and Kim's father was one of them. Yet Ben did shared that his families are still trying to get them saved.
After the topic, Ben then asked if we want to stay for the service. At first, I was thinking of staying, cuz I haven't attended a Christian funeral service before. That was what I mentioned, after Jolin replied that we're leaving later, cuz of POS and Word Power then next day.
That was what I told the others after Jolin's reply, then 'she' said that 'she' had been to two Christian funeral before... and one of it... was 'her' mother's... ...
Out of the sudden, I felt very sorry for mentioning it, and I said sorry to 'her' in front of the guys. Was a very low moment, but 'she' accepted my apology by saying, "It's already a long time, and is used to it." (Something like that, sorry.)
So I was thinking a way to bring up the atmosphere, so started joking about other things to actually cheer 'her' up and the others as well (Not going to details.)
Ben then asked us if he can get us some more drinks, so I asked him in a joking manner, "can you bring us drinks with colors in it? (Flavour drinks)"
"No problem," Ben replied. And he went to get some 'colored' drinks from the cooler.
Then our group conversation become more interesting. Ben returned with the drinks for 5 people, 2 chrysanthemum and 3 soursoup.
Colin then offered the chrysanthemum to Jolin then she said, "2 chrysanthemum for sisters and 3 soursoup for brothers."
Then I took the soursoup, bu then 'she' offered 'her' chrysanthemum for exchange for mine (no idea, but giving some reason, which does not seem to sound any sense.) So I took that drink from the exchange.
So we continue our conversation, then it come to the most funniest part: So we decided to leave the place, before doing so, someone (I think it was 'her') mention about taking the more sweets, then actually I become over radical and so I took almost all the sweets there and place in front of 'her' then 'she' said, "wait, let me open my bag first."
Then I said, "aiya, take the everything on the plate lah." So I took the plate and was about to pour everything into 'her' bag. 'She' looked up and heard what I say, 'she' was shocked by saying, "Wei ! !" (or don't do it.)
It was just a joke... ha ha ha... so we place everything even the sweets back to the original position. After that joke, we stood up and I walk towards Ben who is now at the table next to us as he play host to the NP POS people, and told him that we're leaving due to somethings we have to attend tommorrow.
So Ben thanked us for coming down and so in turn as well. So I asked the others about why don't we go and see his grandmother's before we leave as a form of respect. So the others followed me, except for JL.
We stood before the deceased and bowed our heads. I prayed in my heart as well as I close my eyes. After the moment, we thank Ben and start to leave the place.
Then 5 of us took the short walk towards the MRT station. Jolin then asked us to have dinner together, so we agreed. We pass by a otak otak stall and was hocked by the enormous smell that was so great. So I think it was Jolin who bought 4 of it for one dollor (Should be her.) and it was great business for the boss for there was another customer.
I asked JL if he wants to come with us for dinner, but then he rejected. Then he and Colin have some little problem, cuz he wants to lend Colin's handphone to call someone, but then Colin offered him a ten cent for him to call from public phone. But then JL turned angry for it. (Some misunderstanding I think, but most of us really have enough of JL of lending handphones to call out to people talking for a long time through the phone. Not going to detail.)
Then JL left for the train with us accompanying half-way (Can't enter the station with the food we're eating... ha ha...) And so we took a cut down through the traffic light to the opposite side.
We're chatting and talking along the way and so, was quite a moment of sharing both spiritual and casual chat.
We arrive at the market which Jolin said. (Cuz both me and 'her' does not really know Clementi very well.) Thank God that one table is empty when we arrive. So we decided to order chicken rice together and sugar cane drink. 'She' went to the washroom alone (Fastfood resturant), Jolin went to order the food, while Colin for the drinks (if I'm not wrong) and I look after the table and the stuffs.
Then Jolin returned and asked where 'she' was and I told her. Later 'she' return from the washroom and Colin return. Then the food arrive, and I was about to ask who I should be paying my share to?
Then 'she' realize from Jolin's look that she have paid for the both of 'us'. At the moment, I don't really understand what 'she's saying, but then realize that Colin have paid for the 'two of us'... er... don't really know what to say, and Jolin kept saying keep it as a blessing... then... so be it... then...
But I took the initiative to say grace for the dinner, then 'she' reminded me to include CL's missing handphone and the fasting 'she' had today... ha ha... well... So I say grace thank God for everything and about 'her' fasting and CL's missing handphone.
After dinner (if I'm not wrong), Jolin suggest that we sent a birthday greetings together to Ruth, altogether the same time with the same words and fonts... ha ha... Then we start taking note words of what to say etc... and finally we sent altogether to Ruth at the same time.
So we left the place, and Ruth replied to 'her' only, I think she knows that we're together same place and same time... ha ha... We continue to proceed to the MRT station for the ride home from Clementi. Colin was then joking that he and I would be taking bus home, cuz there is a straight bus home from Clementi (joking about taking the bus home.) Then Jolin argued with us for showing no manhood. Well it was a joke, ha ha.. So we took the train together to Jurong East to take the NS line.
So we took the NS line home, and continue to fellowship till Jolin drop of at her station. Then the 3 of us proceed to Khatib to sent 'her' home (Well, or should I say Colin was with me to sent 'her' home, because I do care for 'her' safety home. Not going to detail.)
When we reach Khatib and drop off, and we walked 'her' home. Have alot of interesting conversation and spiritual sharing as well... etc...
After 'she's home sweet and sound, we left for our home. Then Colin and I have our evaluation for the day's event then we part from one another. Most importantly, Thank GOD for everything. Amen.
18 May '04
Woke up late today: was suppose to meet Colin at 7am, but woke up at 7.33am. And when I check the number of miss calls, it was 11 of it. 3 mins per call?? what the... ha ha... well nvm... So immediately gave Colin a call to apologize.
Around 7.55am, after taking a bath, went down to meet Colin. Later we waited for Bus 165 for quite sometime until gave up and took Bus 74 to a stop close to Clementi. I'm accompanying Colin to his school today and he's returning his keys only... ... and that's the lamest thing you can imagine taking a journey so far from home just to return key to school.
So that was how we spent the whole morning, traveling by bus.
The time was close to 11.30am when we reach our home block, later went to school alone to settle some school fees problems, but can't get to my class advisor... haiz...
After that, went back home (not really back home, but just to meet Colin.) Then we went to Toa Payoh to meet well... Jolin again... and later with other ITE POS people. We reach there before 3pm, and we'd hop off to find some super glue for POS usage later. Then later went around to look for POSB, which is a bo bo... journey... (not going to details.)
Later meet up with Jolin at 3.30pm at Toa Payoh MRT control and got to know that some of them are going to be late. Well so be it... Then by 4pm we're gathered, so we're set off to look for the their POS 'uniform' or team clothing. Later, Colin asked me what time I'll be meeting 'her', cuz if things go late, both of us gonna be late for the Preliminary Round 2. So I'd msg 'her' then later called 'her' to chat and meet at Khatib MRT.
Close to 4.30pm, I said farewell to the guys and left by train from Toa Payoh to Khatib. So reach when I reach Khatib, I tried to call 'her', but 'her' phone is engage. So step out of the train to wait for 'her' at the platform.
It was around 5.15pm when I finally saw 'her' coming up the Platform. Wanted to say hello, but seem like 'she' is pretty upset with that friend on the phone again. I was really worried for 'her' seriously, cuz this was the 2nd time I saw 'her' getting angry over these friend.
After 'her' conversation, I talked to 'her' as a councilor's manner, asking how's that friend been going, at first 'she' does not feel like saying, so I just told 'her' that I'll be waiting for 'her' to share when 'she's ready. Well that was my reply to 'her'.
We skip topic as well, by asking how's the memory of meditating the verses.. etc... also sharing what we have gone through today and so. Was really a very bless conversation, cuz it shows that we're sharing our problems and incident and what have God did for us. So we continue to meditate the verses and so, but for me, the verses seem to be hard to go in... erm...
When we reach Jurong East, we hop off to catch the EW line to Boon Lay. Then we continue to meditate the verses, but was also joking about other little things. When we were almost at Boon Lay, I asked 'her' if 'she' wants to have a quick bit or a dinner? Well then 'she' gave an anything look. Then I say that why don't we take our dinner near the Church area coffeeshop.
'She' agreed with me at first, but then think about the time, we decided to take a the quick bit at Jurong Point. We ate some easy grabing food and took Bus 179 to Church. So I was sitting beside 'her' as we meditate on the verses.
We reach the Church by 5.40pm and find a place to settle down. Then we settle down at Rivera for someone give up a table for us. So the 2 of us settled and continue practicing the verses.
After that, we're still worried for William if he can reach on time. So we went to one corner and prayed together for the Word Power and for William, before we go down to do the 'battle'.
We reach the Audi and went in to settle down and I went to register our names, except for William who is not here yet. So the 'registrator' inform me that William have to report to her personally when he comes.
Then I went back to my place to prepare for myself.
So the 'battle' begins. Was a hard continue, cuz suddenly lose track of the verses. And it's not 40 verses that was test. It was the new 15 verses... ... duh... so what's done is done, there's no more thing I can do as well, so I did it quite 'badly'... haiz... felt disappointed of myself and sorry to God and the faith of the CG and to 'her'... ... haiz...
After the 'battle' ends, I collected all the paper and 'she' told me William was sitting there, which I don't know where... ha ha... well then 'she' pointed that direction and I try to spot him out, then I say William waving at me at the floor area of the Audi. I ran up to him and collected the paper from him and pass it up to the regisration counter.
When I return back to the sit, I said to 'her' sorry for failing... haiz... 'she' was aggitated at first, but then said, what's done is done... well... so be it then... Wiliam met us up and when Pst Zhuang gave the signal the that we can leave, we walk out of the Audi.
I realized that a younger member Pri, was very angry and frustrated for the paper, then 'she' told me that she have not receive the verses from her Cell-Group members... haiz... I think it's bad Cell-Group coordination again.
Can't really council her at this state of frustration as she left Church hastily. So I was with 'her' waiting for William to meet us then William was missing, then found him again at the tithe giving machine.
Then we also met up with other Zone members and we leave the area. They asked us (me, Will and 'her') if we want to join them for supper. William was going with them, then I look to 'her' for 'her' answer, I think 'she' was flowing with my thoughts; which is nope, not going. So we took Bus 242 back to Boon Lay Interchange to MRT. I and 'her' have a chat and also evaluation about the 10 short answering questions: then I took out my bible (NKJV) cuz 'her' bible is a (NLT) bible. Papers are tested in (NKJV) bible.
We shared what we written on the paper when we're on the bus, then 'she' flip through my bible for the answers. The bus was turning here and there for the moments, and I saw that 'she's not standing very still when 'she' flip through my bible and I was felt like holding on to 'her' or so so that 'she' won't have to worry about falling down... ... it was a temptation I confess, but I did not do it, unless 'she' going to fall... and I pray not.
So everyone drop off at Boon Lay MRT and we start to went seperate ways with the Zone members. William joined them as well. So I and 'her' went off together by train. We chatted and shared spiritual thoughts and stuffs. Then we switch to NS line.
When we're on NS line, finally 'she' shared about that 'friend' of 'her's. So I counciled 'her' about counciling to that friend about my experience. I did told 'her' that if he wants to meet 'her' out, try to inform another sister or brother to accompany 'her' and also inform our Leader.
Also 'she' did confess that 'she' did a bad job to council that friend; I repiled 'her' that 'she' did well for it, and no need to feel bad about it. And also continue that there's always place for improvement. I tried to cheer 'her' up as well by sharing my experience as well. Then I felt that 'she's don't seem to be responding, so I shared with 'her' about responding towards people when someone is sharing; like always put your point of view when the person finish sharing, try things to improve the conversation.
That was the point where I feel that I got the message into 'her', and I felt very glad for it, cuz in our later conversation, we really respond towards each other's sharing and conversation.
Later in the cabin, a couple come from the station, so they stood opposite the both of us; hugging each other, sweet talking... etc... (those mushy things... not going to detail.)
I guess the devil does not seem to be happy towards how we broke the spirit of quietness between us. Why I say so? Well, I guess the actions of that couple was really seem to tempt me and overreact myself towards 'her', and 'her' towards me. I can really feel that from 'her' looks, cuz 'she' was trying to ignore glancing at that couple. Well I was also trying so... Well I can say that we have improve our conversation, it's already a great improvement, yet the devil wants make things overboard by destroying the purity in God's house.
I guess it's one of the biggest temptation for us. (I'm not saying that we're a couple or what, but it's tempting me to really cross the line.) So I kept continue to share about other things and so, and 'she' did as well also trying to avoid spotting that couple opposite us.
Well I can say this, "nice try devil. Now go off now in Jesus name !" And I guess we did quite a good job guarding one another's heart and mind from running wild into the tempation.
Thank God that the couple left a few station later. Thank God that He has help the both of us to live in His purity. Thank God for everything and the things that is to come.
Finally we reach Khatib station and we drop off together. 'She' asked if I'm hungry. So I asked 'her' as well, so we decided to take a supper together. Then we went to MacDonald's together chatting and sharing things that have gone by.
At MacDonald's, I asked 'her' if 'she' wants to eat here or walk home to eat. So we stayed. 'She' was going to order a burger to eat, then 'she'd asked what I'm going to get. I told 'her' that I'm not very hungry so would just get some fries to eat. Then 'she' asked me about the size of the fries. "Medium," I said. Then 'she' said to me that 'she's going to buy fries as well, plus a cone.
Then I asked 'her' why she's not getting the burger, yet 'she' just ordered the the things straight away. So that was how, then I also add in a cone for myself. Then 'she' gave me two bucks for 'her' share (a small fries and cone) and I told 'her' that 'she's over paying but a few cents, but 'she' told me to keep the change as well, then I tell 'her' that the next time, I'll bless 'her' back in the next treat (when we're together.) Then I paid the money of our share together.
So we find a place to settle down in MacDonald's. Ate the fries together and cones (indivisual cones.) So I shared with 'her' about people who lend aid to us, how should we repay them, for the both of us, it would be Colin and Jolin, for me, JF was the most important of all. I shared with 'her' that though at this time period, that people lend aid to us, we have know that one day, we're be able to prosper in the will of God, and bless them back as well. It will be in the near future.
Then 'she' asked me about yesterday's dinner, who did actually settle the bill, then I told 'her' probably Coilin settle the bill when the both of us do not know about it. I guess the both of us have to thank God for placing the two of them (Colin and Jolin) for being our aides. After the little supper, we went off together out of MacDonalds. Continued to chat... etc... it was close to 9.30pm by then.
At the traffic junction, I asked 'her' if that supper was filling, I know that those fries can't really help much. Yet 'she' said that it's ok, so I know the answer. So we continue our conversation as we walk together to 'her' place. When we arrive, I see 'her' off and went my way home.
Evaluation:
I believe that God has help us to break into another level of fellowship between the both of us, and I can feel it and I can feel the frustraion of the devil, when he tries to make things over done. But thank God for His faithfulness.
One thing I have to make clear, that is the both of us stand in integrity and purity before the Lord's sight, though temptation may come, we survive it through. And again got to make clear that, there is no touchy business involve even there is the temptation. I can say that the both of us are 'scholars' of the Word and we understand where we really stand. I do really pray for 'her' welfare and 'her' studies. That's what I really want 'her' to focus now.
About the future? Well I have to say, let God be the judge and our Chef Cook for our meal, and I can only share that, the extreme thing if and (IT'S IF! ! ! Please take NOTE! ! !) God allows our courtship, the only thing I will do is holding 'her' hands, and that's all. That's what I want to really protect from ourselves from our own flesh. Amen and Amen and Amen.
Daniel 3:17-18 If that is the case, our God whom we serve who is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will worship the gold image which you have set up.
It's Cellgroup day... Amen and Praise God for that.. he he... After taking a retest, went to MH's house with Gary and we have bought quite a bottles of F&N drinks. The most 'lame' was the grape juice, but it really taste good... ha ha... So we a movie there till 5.30pm, which I have to leave for Cell-Group meeting in my Leader's house, Amen for it... ha ha... have been quite a long time meeting was not in my Leader's house.
After 5.30pm, I walked towards Simei MRT station to catch a train. Then board the train. At the next station, I decided to check out what 'she' was doing at the moment. So I msg 'her'. Then knowing that 'she' was at Jurong, not the Jurong in Boon Lay, but Jurong East.
That puzzled me, but then got to know that 'she's studying Maths there, so I'd asked how was it going so far, yet was a 'stress' of studying there 2 hours and wasn't really fruitful. So I tried to encourage 'her' to pray about it and so to 'relax'.
So we kept contact through SMS knowing where we were through the journey. Then later at Jurong East Station, a surprise guest came in... ha ha... well no other than JF. Wasn't really expecting him to hop on the train in the same cabin with me at that time. I was still meditating the verses as well, cuz the next 20 verses would be tough.
So talked with JF and so. Then I receive a msg that 'she's in Boon Lay now and is going to my Leader's place. JF and I got of the train and we saw Bus 179; so we chased after it, yet also I found 'her' on board as well. So we took our journey to the nearest bus stop to my Leader's place. Then I tried to talk to 'her', but then it seem like 'she's was pretty troubled, but I didn't realize that time. So we also met up with the other sisters.
The sisters went up to my Leader's place first, while I accompany JF for his dinner. Didn't really feel like eating seriously, but JF was insisting that I should go grab a bite using his money as a blessing. I rejected, not because of pride or so, but I felt really burden with it.
So after he finished his dinner, we caught up with William and PY, then we went up to my Leader's place for meeting.
Before the meeting start, we have a prayer meeting for the Indian outreach and members. After the prayer meeting, we got ourselves prepare for Cell Group meeting.
Before having it, we have a round of games. It's a new style of playing 'animal game', cuz we're using bible characters as our actions, so everyone picked a bible character, yet the funniest one was Bro Darni's action for Judas; the hanging (Not going to explain who to play here... ha ha... :p)
Well it seems my character was taken away by 'her'... ha ha... she'd taken Moses away with the same action: the spliting of the Red Sea action. So I have to chose another action. So we played the game; then I realize that 'she' seem distracted by something, which I do not know, did tried to give some warning signal to 'her' from my side, yet 'she' was troubled, but I have no idea what was it.
After Cell-Meeting, Annie told my Leader that 'she' had lost 'her' wallet somewhere in 'her' journey to Boon Lay. Then I realize that was what 'she's worried and troubled about. Yet I felt like I can't really show comfort to 'her' with members around, cuz others will start to wonder. Also I have to protect the agreement with my Leader.
The truth; she didn't really approve us to start a courtship yet, most important thing is that, we're not spiritually mature in thoughts yet, even though I do agree that me and 'her' have been talking spritual things quite alot. Yet it's not the right time to talk about it. I did the evaluation myself as well, and I totally agree, like I did always say in my previous journal, I'm going to say again: the right thing at the wrong time, is a wrong thing.
If I do show how I really care for 'her', other people will start to wonder: what's wrong with him? Is there something between the both of them or are they hidding something?
Cuz I if I do that, everyone will wonder if that's how far a brother can go with a sister, which also its up to everyone of us to protect the purity of God's Kingdom. So I just continue to be normal. Only when I have the chance to get to talk to 'her' personally, then I'll ask 'her'. That's what I can do the most and could do more.
So my Leader was asking which brother will accompany Annie and 'her' to go back to Jurong East to search of the missing wallet, so I did raise my hand up, but not very high, and I guess 'she' did saw that, it was after when the members are dismissed from the Cell-Meeting room.
Yet my Leader asked JF to go with them, well and so... hmm... just let me continue:
So everyone packed up and wore their shoes and so and left our Leader's place to catch a bus to catch the train. Before entering the lift, well no idea, but the sisters want to have a talk in the lift, so all the brothers were like... duh... 'don't waste time leh...' Ha ha ha....
Well so the brothers took the next lft. When we reach ground floor, we find no sisters waiting... er... where are they? Then we spotted them at the next block, whaa they walk away very fast... hmm...
Then the brothers went to the bus stop while they join us after they bought their 'snacks' at a nearby grocery store. After that, we hop onto the bus and went for Boon Lay MRT.
After reaching the interchange, we took a walk to the MRT station. I have the chance to talk to 'her' and ask 'her' about 'her' wallet and stuff (not going to detail). I do start worry for 'her' as well, cuz 'her' IC is also in it. Yet I can't do anything much. tried to tell 'her' not to worry about it and also cheer 'her' up. About lossing an IC, I can say that I have been there, done that, took a photo of it. The good thing was that mine was retrive at the LAN game shop.
On the train, the brothers sat at one corner talking about driving lessons, but it was less interesting to me. So like I said, tried to cheer 'her' up, so I showed 'her' my newly printed name cards (First time having a name card with my name on it... ha ha...) So finally, saw a smile. Also talked to 'her' how thing's going on, then realize that Ruth was sitting beside 'her' as well... then I was... er... hmm... well... ha ha... no idea how to discribe, but just talked with her about the name cards and stuff. She was surprise as well.
Then left the train, with Annie, 'her', PY and CL, when we reach Jurong East station. PY and CL went to the other side to board the NS line, while then JF asked if I can take his place to go with them. Well, anyway, I was going. So Annie, 'her' and I went out the station and chatted about things, then I got to know that Annie is getting married soon, so I congratulate her.
So we come back to the main subject again: the missing wallet. Then we walk to MacDonald's to check out if there is any news. Sad report is: 'Sorry there is no missing report.' Then we start to look for rubbish bins... er... ha ha... well that a new idea.
So no news, then we went to the lft corner and 'she' finally told us the truth: 'her' wallet is lost when 'she' was in MacDonalds, when 'she' went to buy a cone, 'she' only took 'her' wallet and handphone, but then when 'she' come back, 'she' left the wallet on the bag. Then an old 'ah peh' (Old man.) was sitting on the next table beside counting his stack of $50 dollor notes. (well 'crazy' old man counting his money in the public...) So when 'she' left, 'she' said that 'she' thought the wallet was in 'her' bag already, but then 'she' said that 'she' felt something is not right, well too late.
Then Annie and I prayed for 'her'. So finally we gave up and was about to leave the building. Then when we went out the exit, a lady working in MacDonalds came running out with a wallet, it was familar (It was 'her' wallet.) Then at that open, I was Praising the Lord. We thank the lady gratefully and left praising God for answering our prayers. It felt really great when God answers.
Then Annie left by bus home and 'she' and I took the train home. Then Jolin and a POS brother met up with us. So they chatted and we shared the testimony with her and the brother, and Jolin was already like knowing that the wallet will be found. So what's next?
I was going to send 'her' home, but then Jolin nicely say asking me to go home straight since it already close to 12 midnight instead the other brother leaves near Yishun. She was recommanding him for the task. Then I just 'rejected' nicely (not by pride.)
So Jolin drop off as her station and we continue to journey. The brother fell asleep already in the journey. So I chatted with 'her' and it's more like a care and concern chat between us, cuz I did shared with 'her' and Annie about on Thurs, my dad discover my organizer (which have a cross and the Church's membership card') So they're like uh... and also knowing something is going to happen.
I tried to comfort 'her' by saying don't worry about me, still your studies (only tried). Then the brother awoke and asked if there is still a need of his service, then we just say nope. Then he left at Yishun station.
When reaching 'her' Khatib, I was about to leave then 'she' just sat there asking me not to send 'her'. I think 'she' was afraid that it's the last train or so (it's not the last train yet.) So I was insisting until when the door was signaling that it's closing, then my heart just went very soft and agreed to stay on the train. It was really the first time I realize that 'she' does really care seriously, apart from asking taken dinner or lunch. Before 'she' left, I reminded 'her' to sent a msg to me when 'she' reaches home (otherwise I would chase back from the next station... ha ha... well...) I just don't want to let anything happen to 'her'.
So I board off at Ang Mo Kio station and took a bus home.
For these journal, I can say that it's one of the deepest, emotional moment in my life. Seriously, I don't really know if 'she' did it out of sistery love or out of a love to a man, but one things for sure, our bonds are well fixed and repair and bound together. I believe God have did the repair which the devil have dealt (through the conversation I mentioned and that week.), but He have turned it over, giving me more courage not to cross the Line of a brother and a sister, but as a true friend to someone I really love after the Lord, who is first in my life, and out of a honest and sincere heart.
I think God have given me time of test in relationship and family one by one, now again, my dad's 'nutzy' anti-christ spirit is rising again, haiz... I start to feel very boring with it by asking when will this end? I really want to get over with this 'nutzy' spirit and enter another level and prepare myself for another level of growth where the land flow with honey and milk which God's promise is.
