This blog page is dedicated as a Dairy to the Author's daily life and walk as a witness to the Lord.
All contents are written by the author's witness and own undertstanding from the bottom of the heart. Any error or misunderstanding, the author appologize the cause. Any misusage of contents or spoken out, may judgement be fair.
Verses Coded in Red represents the Words of Christ Verses are all written in NKJV Bible (Coding of other version will be mentioned after verse.)
May your day be blessed by the Journal of the author. AGAPE
1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
What are good friends? When you in times of trouble and depress, take a look around you. Only those who are there to comfort you are the friends. They are those you can speak from heart to heart.
Living with Ability brings Responsibility. Dying with Ability reveals Irresponsibility - Rev.Dr. Kong Hee
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship. (Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) - Joshua Harris
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NSF(National Full Time Service) 35th Singapore Combat Engineers Boat Coy Platoon 3 Amber 3 2 I/C 3SGT
So I didn't went to for any lesson on Tuesday, due to the persecution at home in the middle of the night. Well lost increases, but I'm wiser this time. I kept my spiritual stuff outside house and brought back some school stuff, but again, forgotten to remove the Easter invitation cards from my bag. In the end, was again thrown away. But have one card remain, which I hid it when it went about: the card is for Jac, my old secondary school friend. I think that's what God wants me to do for Him.
Another lost is that my handphone is confined... well thanks 'satan'... thanks for the nice treat.... So most of the contacts of friends are gone... but thank God is that I have my Cell-Group members numbers written in my organizer, which I hid away. So went to school, and met Wins and the others after the lesson. Borrowed Wins handphone to call Colin to inform everyone the meeting time and also tell him to pass down to others: NOT TO ANSWER ANY CALL FROM THAT HANDPHONE OR PASS MESSAGE TO IT AS WELL! ! !
Then went to meet my Leader and have a great time chatting of all my problems and what it happen during yesterday after sending 'her' home and what I'd shared with Colin... and the persecution I'm going through... I can even feel that my Leader was also worried... But I still want to know when will this fight in the spiritual realm stop.
I'd also shared that after watching the Passion movie, it increases my min base of falling to the ground. Now the base is there, and I know that I have faith to conquer this mountain. No matter what will happen even being kick out of house or what, I will not surrender to religious minded and to man with pride in the heart.
Also through the chat, I was asked what dream do I have from my Leader. What's my dream? I have dreamed of being a great pianist, being an author of books or being a professional councilor and last of all, I dreamed of being a jet pilot. It is the biggest dream I dream of... able to drive a jet in the air.
I start to have another revelation about that question. I realize that I'll need a finance to run a courtship with 'her', when God allows. But thinking back, both of us are still young. Not the time to talk about 'er nu si qing' (relationship.). I believe she still have a path to study on even though there is some finance problem.
And I too have thought of being the finance backup for her studies in the future, but it's still a far. I start to know what dream I want to go for: I want to join the Air Force to serve till being able to pilot a jet. It's now my dream and goal. So I was really grateful for my Leader's sharing. I now discover a career goal in life, but I still want to ask my Lord about this dream and will it come to pass. I've also said that if the Lord did not give approval for it, I will not go for it, even the littles thing.
After that meeting, stayed there till 5pm and went to Church to meet the others. During my journey on the train, I met EJ and also we'd chatted and I also shared about the book by Joshua Harris and I can feel that he have another level attitude dealing against this feelings in the future to come: Wait for God's plan.
Met Ange and ZX also and we went from the interchange to Church, where the bible study about the Book of Isaiah is going to held. It's series one of 3 though. Then left the 3 of them and went to Church to check out whose there. Found Annie and went with her for dinner wher the 3 of them are having. After that, we go back to Church. (Cut short not to be detailed...)
I found 'her' at the attributes waiting for others and said my greetings to her. So the 3 of us, Annie me and 'her' went down the stairs to B4. During the walking down, I shared with Annie about joining the Air Force dream, Annie also offered her advice and help me check out if there is any schemes about the Air Force.
Annie's hubby is serving in the Air Force as engineer, that's what I know and she's working in the Defence department. All these I could say.
I believe I now have a dream to run for and to catch, but I'll need God's help and strength to help me.
The book of Isaiah is really the book that discribes other books in the bible. Though it's the start 6 chapters through the night, it was a really what Isaiah prophecy.
After the meeting, Charter bus came. So... again, I took the N2 line instead of the usual NE1.
Firstly, the NE1 bus not really have any of 'my' ususal members taking today... he he... secondly, she's on N2 with JL and EJ. So... I sort of thought of fellowshipping with them and also sending her home. I sat beside JL, and EJ sat beside 'her'.
Well again, JL wants to 'serve' by sending her home... but I'd stopped him... He was so insisting and also outrage with his words. He was complaining about me and then and then etc... which I don't think I want to go into detail...
Well EJ ain't coming with anyway, he's going home. So JL keeps on that 'way' for quite sometime. I don't want to blame him or so... but I really want to thank him for offering himself for service, maybe not this time. So JL finally gave up. Well thank God for that. So I talked with him about his school work... etc... all these until EJ and him drop off at Sembawang.
So... I shifted and sat next to her, with integrity. So I start to open up our conversation. Then we're back to our 'usual' way of chatting with one another. Well... it's much 'warmer' in a way unlike during with members. I was also 'studying' upon the reason 'why' also. Well... maybe being a bit influence by Colin's observant way.
So far which I made throught the pass studies, most of the time the both of us really talk in front of members were either when JX, Winny, or Candy or Colin. The only reason I can think of about the people named seem to have an idea what's going on or maybe they're our buddies: Colin, mine, While JX, Winny and Candy, her's.
If my guess is not wrong, I think Candy may have told her about the Charter bus incident which include Mitch and Colin: The last Service before W261 is born. Well I don't want to come to any conclusion about it or if she knows or not. For the present, it's only about building a deeper relationship with her, not a 'courtship' or so... Like I said earlier the reason is that both of us are still young, should forcus on what God's calling for each of us. Well maybe after fulfiling God's calling as singles first and pray what's God's next plan. The important thing here is being patient, and I have been trained to have alot... ha ha...
We reach Khatib. As we got off, we're still joking and chatting. Then a call from Karen. I offered to help holding some stuff on her hands, hold some, but out of sudden, cash flew out of her outer coat, which she's grabing it. Then I saw that and stopped and turn back and grab the cash, which have fallen to the ground.
Then she realize about why I turn back. Well thank God that I was there otherwise the cash would have been lost. The cash was collected to pay for the Easter planning and it's paid by the members who came on Tuesday Bible Study.
So I joked about it (not seriously.) So we'd continue to walk to her place and continued over conversation. So I'd walked her to her block and I pass the book: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, to her as she'd asked to borrow.
I do pray that the book will help her through.
A summary: Through out finishing the book, the begining half of the book discourage things about dating - or reasons why not dating.
Later in the part, it brings back the God honoring way of building a real relationship. The author uses the word 'Courtship' to fight against Dating. Courtship though, it's an 'old' romantice 'word', which the main purpose of Courtship is the possiblity of marriage, unlike Dating, which is undefined and purposeless without goals at the end of the relationship.
After seeing her off, or should I say, 'I don't really like the feeling of seeing her off', but there's always next time to meet up. As I walk back to the MRT station, I thank my Lord for creating this time and close intimacy with integrity and God honoring attitude.
Still, I do not want to put to the conclusion or judement that 'she likes me' or what, but it's still a guessing around feeling. Like the Joshua Harris said that brothers have to treat sisters with a sincerity and honesty, not fooling around with their feelings or emotions. That's what I always remind myself to do towards her. And to continue... To guard their hearts.
Every night I would be praying that my Lord will show the path and ways to guard her heart and emotions. That's what I ask from my Lord. Of course she's not the only one I prayed for every night. There were also other people.
I also always try to account to my Leader what have happen and things gone by through verbal. I think through verbal is better, cuz if I did something wrong, I would rather accept a rebuke on my face rather than through writings. It also help me to share my burden off.
I really want to thank God for placing every single members in the Cell-Group and the new Cell-Group. Though I do not know how long will I be bloging again, but I really want to write them all out, but it's a very long list. But will save in a list. God bless who reads.
On Monday, after the discussion in Burger King in Raffles Place, our group seperate each ways home.
This is the people who took the NS Line: JF, Colin, JL, me and 'her'.
At Douby Ghout Station, JF drop off to take the NE Line. He was expecting Colin and I to come with him, but I rejected. So he just went his way... alone... Many times, I really feel sorry for myself for not telling the truth to JF, but I know it's not the time to do so. Sorry Bro...
So we'd took the NS Line north towards AMK area and fellowshipped through the journey, though standing... I was going to send her home anyway, and I believe Colin would be coming with me as well. For JL, sometimes, I thank him for wanting to serve, but I think this time, it's not for him... I know that I have to harden my heart against him to persude him to go home, so it's like 3 against 1 vote telling him to go home...
So when we reach Khatib, 3 of us drop off: Colin, me and 'her'. Had a great time sharing a part of our testimony how we are got to know Christ. Sometimes it really makes me wonder why she's cold towards me when with other members, while another attitude when we're partly alone.
After sending her home, Colin and I walked to the bus stop to take a bus ride home. Somehow, on the bus, I felt the Lord burdened me to share my 'REAL' testimony of my strong faith towards Him. And I can feel the Lord giving me the courage to share out of my sins in the past (though not very detail.) Through the journey, he was really a good listener to the end of my 'REAL' Testimony. I do feel that he was convicted on what the Lord have dealt with me fairly.
When we'd drop off from the bus and walk to the nearest Cheers outlet, the Lord seem to burdened me to share another secret in that only my Leader, me and the Lord knows about. A secret which I want to share with my good bro, Isaac first.
Like the bible says, the Lord works in another way. And I'd shared with Colin, my good buddy. I told him the truth with only 4 words: I Love 'her' (Name will not be disclose.)
I can hear him have a sort of choke in his mouth when he heard it. So we continue to walk to Cheers. He bought 2 items and we continue to go on our journey. I'd continued to share everything out from how I begin to acknowledge my feelings till almost everything....
When I'm half-way there, he also start to spill out about his suspicion between me and her. Like I said earlier: Sometimes it really makes me wonder why she's cold towards me when with our members, while another attitude when we're partly alone.
He said that it was his observance on the both of us (me and her) and was still 'studying' why do the both of us (me and her) react such a way of being Cold towards one another during with Cell-group members, while another attitude when we have the 'chance' to be alone without any other members around (except him, Colin and her sister buddies). I think Colin is the only person I'd 'left' off guard, maybe cuz he live near my block, so he will stick to me till the journey home.
We reach the my block and we sat on the stone chair, under the block.
When he said that, I was also wondering that question of cold and hot 'thing'. So I said to him that I too have know idea why she's reacting that way towards me alone when members are around.
So we check back to after last service: things that went on the rooftop after the Christian Lifestyle bible study. It happen that I was teaching PY how to play the gig and she just happen to walk by after the bible study. I said 'hello' to her, but no answer from her. So I start to get confused, well... so I thought maybe she did not notice that I said hello to her, so I continue to coach PY abit more... then Ange came back and PY just give up playing and gave the gig to me, who then pass it to Ange.
So things just go by as Ange tries to learn the Chinese Language version of some Praise and Worship songs. So I was acting like a 'errored' singing vocalist.... ha ha... and alot of excitment went by... Well to cut short, that's how it went by.
Then Colin cut in and shared his observance on 'her' during that period of time. Colin explains how she react towards what I'm doing that time and I cut back and tell him, "don't tell me you suspect that she's jealous of something."
Colin also does not want to jump into that conclusion on her, but he also does not want to disagree that there is a possiblity. Then Colin shared with me that he also have read of human psychology books before on how people react to things.
He continued that the possiblitity: Maybe she have an idea the you're interested in her, through the way you treat her, but yet the way you treat other sisters seem to also confused her about how you treat her. Or maybe she's also thinking if the way you treat her is like other sisters as well and it's normal.
Then I cut in and told Colin about my new Conviction: Never fool around with sisters' feelings especially her's.
So Colin explains and continued that she might not know that. So the possiblity is still there. Then I felt also like her (though she might not be there.) that Ange and Bro John is on courtship. While towards PY... it's totally impossible, even by our spiritual level is a big gap (her's is far high away from mine). There's nothing for you to worry and my affections belongs only to you alone.
That was how I felt at that moment, but the truth is that only God knows how she feels that time, and only my Lord have the answers. Like I said, I do not want to jump into that conclusion as well or conclude if thats how she felt that time.
So I was asking that's what he observe. He also observe alot of things that went through... etc... even through the meeting about Easter... I was suprised aas well.
I too have my share of my opinion and the past experience when I got myself jealous over her with some other 'guys' and how I got over it when my Lord reminds me of verses. I also shared of the book by Joshua Harris. On what the author's advice about this and that and about the 3 green lights... etc...
Colin also shared the same story about the two hedghogs (sorry if wrong spelling, I meant it's two animals with spikes around them.) the spikes are the problem between the two of them that was 'hurting' each other when they get close to one another. I think that what Colin tries to explain is that the both of us (I and her) have been making each other 'jealous' over each others little and small or over reaction actions towards another opposite sex...
But still the same word to say, he does not want to come to that conclusion, cuz the both of us don't really know if that's how she feels towards me, or what... I believe no matter how much we try to solve it, no conclusion, but I believe that only God have the answer of how she feels.
So in 'tradition', I told Colin that, when someone shared with you his/her problem, at the end of the conversion, we have to pray that God will be our fair judge and through everything, He is glorified.
"Prayers are needed and a glimps of hope is to be see."
It have been a long walk so far with my Lord. Persecution after Persecutions from family, how long will it end?
There's no way to explain to them, cuz they have their 'religious' thoughts and their hearts are hardened. Like I said before, there's always this sort of people who does not behave like how their religion principles. Or a simple example: A Christian, yet does not have the likeness of one.
When God sent His Son down, He does not want to build another religion. What He wants is to build a relationship with Mankind, you and me, to win them or us back to the Lightside. As we see today's news, most of the things around reported are always the bad news more than the good news.
When Jesus came, there is always two enemies He have to face: The Religious people and the Unrepentive Sinners.
Now it's not the case to explain. For now, my case would be tougher. Facing being kick out of house and communication cut down, that's all I can face. Two more days to go. I have to start moving out more of my important materials out of house. It will soon come to pass, but my heart is prepared. May the Lord be my shelter.
Was a great Service yesterday. Pst Kong preached about the Works of the Cross and really, my heart is convicted of what the Cross brought for every Mankind in this earth.
After Service, we'd have a great time fellowshipping and dinner on Church roof-top garden. After that, we start to plan for Sunday's private screening for the Passion Movie for younger in age members. Of course it's for our own private screening! ! So we'd try to invite any friends interested.
After the meeting, I lended a book to her: To Live is For Christby Beth Moore. I really pray that the book will help her walk with God be a more knowledgeable. I do agree of reading the Bible daily, cuz it's our daily bread. But the problem always lies if you always have the revelation from God. Though she'd said that she might not have the time to read it cuz of school work and fulfiling the study hours given down, but I really encourage her to do so no matter how long she will take to read or borrow the book from me.
For I still have least than a quater left of the book by Joshua Harris to finish. Should have finish reading by yesterday on Charter Bus to Church, but I was busy sharing thing with Colin... he he... But I really thank God for burdening me to get the book. And I am also intending to lend it to her as well.
For one part of the Chapter, it was really a challanging me.
When we focus on "redeeming the time", we'll not only make the most of each moment; we'll also prepare ourselves for the next season of our lives.
An example of a story in the Bible was Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac. The important part of the story is not only about how the servant found that women, but it's also about a small part, rarely people may notice: The Water for the Camels.
Would stop here... he he... :p challange you get the book ha ha... :p
Watched the movie yesterday night. It's really watching crucifixion 'Live' in your eyes, witnessing someone who is willing to take your sins and end it with his own life so that you can be forgiven.
And that person's Name is Jesus. His willing to take up all and finish it for you. Through him, eternal life is open up to you and me... that's what the John said in Jn 3:16-17.
About the Movie
Unlike the past 'western' gospel movie, the Passion of The Christ movie hires REAL Jews to be the main cast. If you've listened the actor who acted as Christ, you'll be very moved by what he says about acting as Christ.
Alot of people always mistake that the Gospel is from the western world, but the truth is that it's from Israel (Middle-East Asia). If you ask me to rate the realistics of the movie, I'll mark it 5 out of 5, no matter what critics about the movie from religious leaders, news, goverment agencies... etc...
It's the best Gospel movie so far in the world, which have a cast of Jews, bringing out the realistic level, which really makes you sometimes feel sick about the Roman soldiers scourging Jesus with the 40 strips.
When it reaches the 20th strip, my face really turn away from the screen, cuz it's so REAL! ! And I could only listen to the Roman soldiers counting the stripes they've done.
There's part of the movie about the Roman governor, which I really pity the tough decision he have to make, the truth is he didn't want to crucify Him, but the Pharisees want it to be done.
After the governor pass his verdict by only to give lashes on Christ, the Roman soldiers overdo it to scourging.
From these scene, we see Satan moving pass the crowds. It reminds me about these: When God allows Satan to tempt someone to a level which God have set, Satan always overdo things and always throws whatever he has beneath his sleeves against that person till that person give up. But we know that God will stop him from overdoing it and will punish Satan for the cause he made.
There reach a part when Christ is going to be crucified, my tear fell and my face really turn away from the scene when the first nail is drove into the cross. Tears keep flowing out my eyes when I watch the process when the Romans are forcing the other hand to the pit hole. It was really watching everything Live in front of you. I was really very moved by the movie and it increases my conviction for Christ no matter what situation I face in life.
Even a normal human being fell into tears when the see the screen, a 'friend' beside me too fell into tears, and I can feel it and he'd to covered part of his eye through the process.
Now imagine that God sees it from the highest in Heaven. The bible mentioned in a way that when the Son is crucified on the cross, He turned His face away from the earth of this once and. Even a human being have fell into tears for it, imagine the Most High, who created Mankind with feelings which He 'invented' within Him.
Until the cross is finally in 'its' place, it was the final moment to see. Everything which Isaiah prophecies came to pass.
The Good News is at the final scene: The resurrection of Christ in the grave. He resurrected by defeating Death (The final enemy to be beaten, who is brought into this world by Adam, the first man created.)
A few days ago, Colin told me about a sign on with the SAF scheme for the ITE students. I'm very interested with it and try to find out people's opinion about the scheme. Through observation and listening each of my friend's opinion, some would not recommand, some would, while one would neither encourage nor discourage.
The thing that is important is that if you have the passion and vision for it. It's not an easy task.
I'd found out from Colin that it will be a 5 and 1/2 years of serving the military (including 2 years of NS.) and the scheme applies only for ITE students. I've too been praying day and night about it and asking my Lord if I should go for it. I'd also tell the Lord that if it is a 'yes' use something to convict my heart to go for it without regrets.
I've also told the scheme to my mother. She encourages me to go for it if I'm going for it.
Seriously thinking, I told Colin that we have to inform and discuss this serious matter with my Leader first and know God's guidence for it. I always remind myself not to be to hasty on things, bring these matter up first before futher actions.
When Colin share it with me about this scheme, it was on Saturday. And he also shared with me a very unexpected surprise of burden: He'd want to sign up these bond to help someone in the Cell Group. In the Bond, an agreement was that the SAF will give an allowance of depending which 'department' you're signing for. When you're still studying in ITE.
Colin showed me the sms he receive through the chat with that someone (I will not disclose anything about who.) and I can feel that he was depress about the matter wanting to help, but does not have the finance to help, so he thought of these SAF scheme. I was also 'touch' by his 'almost wanting to do it action', and I'd also offered myself to help him by also signing up for the scheme.
Helping that someone is not the only reason that the both of us wanting to sign on, but the both of us also have the dream that we can serve the nation with our life and do it as a career.
Another personal reason for me is that I also want to help her. I know that she still do have some financial problems, and I really want to bless her with something. I remembered one time that she wants to learn how to play a guitar, but yet felt that there is no way to practice at home, cuz she does not owe one and quit learning it. Maybe one of the thing I could do is if I'm going to sign on for it, I'll get an Acoustic or Classical for myself, but yet I do fear that it will be broken by my anti-Christ dad. I might just place the guitar in her house for safe keeping, and she could practice it as well.
For me, I have a 'pretty ridiculous' goal by the end of these year, which is to get an Acoustic Guitar worth $500 above. One of my dream Acoustic gig is a Taylor gig, which is like the one that Bro Poh plays during Praise and Worship in Service. That was one of my dream gig. And I know that it gonna cost a bomb for these dream.
Another Goal is finish reading the Holy Bible by the end of these year, but it seem impossible now, cuz my bible is thrown away by my anti-Christ dad. I'll need a new bible to read if I have to complete these goal, but yet it will require me another amount of money, which at the moment, I don't have the amount to pull out from my pocket. These might be another reason I'd thinking of signing on.
Another was that I'd really have tough time to really look for a job, cuz most of these jobs are either come against my lessons, or it might tempt me to fall asleep in class. I'd done one such job before that the next morning I reach school, I did not even went to class to take the test, because I was already to exhausted and too sleepy even to walk up the stairs for lesson. I'd also tried the Church Cafe (because it only take up my weekends), but result also seem negative.
I'd too seen such a bad testimony from a brother as well. He is juggling around with Sercurity Ministry, Studies, Job and the worse, he is the Chair-person of the talent time committee. As a result, he gave up his time in his studies for the talent time event due to the heavy requirement of commitment. I can see that he is very stretch out even for his sleeping time seems to turn. But I can also see that he's trying to make his comeback for his studies... maybe a bit too late... the next debarment list is coming out.
I'm not comparing myself with him or what, but what I'm trying to say that when you have too many commitment, you will face giving up some of your own time. You need to know how much you can give and always practice to stretch out your commitment level to another level.
Sometime, I would cry out to my Lord that I don't want to live in these poverty 'spell'. And sometimes, thank God that I have good brothers around to help me when I face financial difficulties, but I don't want it to be a long term, I need to do something about it seriously.
This is the first thing the devil will always attack in every single indivisual's life, cuz he knows that the most common miracle God always does is financial blessings comparing to healing, ressurecting the dead, feeding five thousands with 5 loaves two fishes, making the lame walk or the blind sees... etc... financial blessings from God is the most common miracle God will do for every believer's life and the devil always trys to cover it with another's poverty and drought life so to influence others that financial blessings are the most rare.
I want to be a blessing to others in my cellgroup and also to be able to finance some of the big events coming that requires money.
Something which I would like to share, which I don't really know what should I name the title, so I call this: 'A drive on dating'
I've just read a friend's blog, and I'm really shock by the 'urge' to merge with someone.
I really want to thank God for pressuring me to get the book: I Kissed Datng Goodbye by Joshua Harris.
Otherwise I don't know where my 'flesh' will lead me to. I've 3/4 done reading with the book and I realize that we should guard our heart from becoming a deceitful heart.
Pro 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart.
It's what the God wants us to. In Jeremiah:
Jer 17:9 - The Heart is deceitful above all things...
The author also tells us:
protect yourself from your heart's sinfulness. Keep a wary eye on your heart, knowing that it can do you damage if it is not carefull watched.
Through these few words, do you realize that if we do not guard our heart on our feelings toward someone, we might end up falling in love with alot of people around.
The Infatuation, Lust, Self-Pity (Words in black are taken from the book.)
1 Jn 2:15-16 Do not love the world or anything in the world... For everything in the world -- the carvings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does -- comes not from the Father but from the world.
Like the the Author Josh Harris says, "These "pollutants" specifically manifest themselves in relationships and infatuation, lust and self-pity."
INFATUATION You've probable experience it-- the constant thoughts about someone who has caught your eye, the heart palpitations whenever that person walks by, the hours spent dreaming of a future with that special someone. It's infatuation, and I know it well, having experienced it myself!
I believe that no matter as a believer or a non-believer, we all go through this stage.
Infatuation can be a sinful response to attraction.
Infatuation is not only building a imaginary 'vision' of self, but also tents to make that person look perfect in his/her own eye. It might lead to idolatry for the worse.
For my past experience of this, I can share that when I'm still with my worldly thoughts, often I do infatuate on some girl or so. Sometimes it makes me go worse and it mislead the real purpose of going to school, which lead me having bad results.
Till the day when I'm saved and start to understand the Word, I realize what type of seed the Devil have sown into me and I start to fight pull out the root. Fighting all by myself is not the correct way that's what I realize. Always call upon God's help and His grace and forgiveness to help to fight it. Most importantly focus on God.
LUST
The second poison that often threatens the purity of our hearts is lust. To lust is to carve something sexually that God has forbidden. For example, when as a single man I look on a woman who is not my wife (which right now means every woman) and immorally fantasize about her, I am lusting; I am setting my heart on something God has placed off-limits. Sexual desire withing marriage is a natural and appropiate expression of sexuality; after all, God gave us our sex drives. But God also gives us specific commands forbidding us to indulge in those desires before we marry.
Another good explaination. I believe that it already explains all.
SELF-PITY The final pollutant of our hearts is self-pity. In a sense, self-pity is the worship of our circumstances. When we indulge in feeling sorry for ourselfves, we turn our focus from God -- His goodness, His justice, His ability to save in any circumstances. And as we turn away from God, we cut ourselves off from our only source of hope.
We can so easily allow self-pity to seep into our hearts. When we feel lonely or crave someone to love and be loved by, it seems we have every reason in the world to complain, to sulk angrily because we've received a bum deal.
This is how far I think I can share, but I do recomand you to get the book. It's a great book to discover a new purpose God wants you to have. But don't be 'trick' by the title of the book, though the title seems to discourage you to having 'girlfriend or boyfriend', but the truth is that it wants to wasting your youth on fooling around and when you grew muture, you realize that you'd wasted it on something no worth while at that age. But believe that God have already place the one person you're waiting for somewhere in your life, it's just that you have disperse your attention for looking for relationship.
A bit more to share: The truth is, no one's perfect. Each indivisual have their own weakness. Like I shared about myself in Infatuation. Like I said, when you realize it, you find yourself wasting that part of your life for it letting time for more important things go by you.
Though I'd never went into courtships before, well some of you might be asking and thinking so. I can't give you a definate answer, but this is what best I could discribe: During my 'teenage' years, I'm very influence and believing that one courtship will do. Even for my cousins around me, they're also those believe in it (even though they're non-believers). And when the day they got themselves attach, it just came to pass that they got married just one courtship.
All these cousins of mine are from my father's side. Maybe it's because that our family thinking is very traditional on relationships. But this thinking seem to fail on my sister... ha ha ha... my sister does not seem to believe in so.
So I'd wasted most of my teenage years looking for the 'one' and playing with computer games, hanging out with sometimes bad companies.
Till the day, I know Christ and study His purpose for me, I'd throw this thought of looking for the 'one' and leaving all these to Him in His timetable for me. Focusing on Him, makes me more set free in my heart even though the tough times of life.
For now, I'd start to feel that He'd reveal part of it to me, wait for His timing. That's the only thing I can 'hint' about. I advice those that focus on your purpose first. Build something of your own first, e.g your career up, then you can go on to look and waith for the 'one'
Part of the trials have pass. I felt like living in a partially 'free thinking' and partially 'religious' family. The 'free thinking' relatives are mostly my generation people. Even though they do practice the 'religious' and worship idols, but I can feel that their heart are not there, cuz they would rather not try to oppose or get the older generations angry.
On Monday, I was fasting for God to give us a harvest of souls and Cell Group unity etc... and also alot of personal things, which I don't think I can share here.
After class, I'd hang out with 3 classmates trying to avoid doing those 'ritual' things that does with sending the dead away... or should I say things that deals with idolatry.
The first spiritual attack was from a bad testimony from a cousin (mother's side) who was a previous City Harvester and was also a Believer of the Word. From what I hear from him, I believe that he was one of the school rivival reached out.
His school is a mission's school. When he was sec 3, he'd came to our Church (The Hollywood Theater Period) and stayed not longer than 2 years and he backslidered. From what he says is that he feels awakward when he stays longer... But I believe that is not the truth. The Holy Spirit seem to reveal to me the real reason he left: His classmates backslidered before him, which means that he stayed in Church not because of God, but it's because of his friends (Preference).
After he left Church, he joined his school's Church, but later backslidered from God. Reason: Feel that there is so many denominations... e.g Methodist, Catholic... etc... I think he have not been set free from the truth why there is a seperation. I can recomand you to read this book call: To Live is For Christby Beth Moore.
In the book, there is a chapter the author explains why. It is the story between Paul and Barnabas, and why both great men seperate and go their ways to preach the Gospel.
After encountering this, 3 questions start to form in my mind wanting to ask, which can tell the difference of a disciple and a convert:
1) Do you read the Word of God daily or at least 4 to 5 times a week?
Why read the Holy Bible? It is the Word of God. Some may have these question: but it's not written by God himself?
2 Tim 3:16-17 - 16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
It's God that inspiring the writers of the Bible to write down. Some people do question about the writers, but let me ask these people: Do you think a Man of God dares to write false doctrine that will cause an eternal judgement from God on him?
2) How long do you pray in your prayer closet a day?
These is another question most converts can never stay long for Christ. As Christians, we know that praying is part of our daily fellowship with God. Through prayers, God listens from us. Even though God already know what are we thinking in our mind, but what he wants to hear is from our heart being confessed through our mouth. And through prayers, God answers and sometimes speak to you.
Many converts faces problems with their prayer time: excuses like no time, to busy with school work or job, got alot of problems... etc... but that does not mean that the as disciples of Christ, we don't face problems as well! ! !
That is why we say that God is a fair God. Doesn't mean that if you're a children of God, you don't need to go through what non-believers go through. But as believers, we are armed with this promise:
1 Cor 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
God have given these promise, cuz He already know how much we can go through, but if you can't even go through it, assuredly I say to you, you failed to defeat your own flesh. The greatest enemy is yourself, not the Devil.
3) Have you seen God moving with His signs and wonders?
In Rom 15:17-21 - 17 Therefore I have reason to glory in Christ Jesus in the things which pertain to God.
18 For I will not dare to speak of any of those things which Christ has not accomplished through me, in word and deed, to make the Gentiles obedient--
19 in mighty signs and wonders, by the power of the Spirit of God, so that from Jerusalem and round about to Illyricum I have fully preached the gospel of Christ.
20 And so I have made it my aim to preach the gospel, not where Christ was named, lest I should build on another man's foundation,
21 but as it is written: "To whom He was not announced, they shall see; And those who have not heard shall understand."
explains all about it.
I can assure you that without daily prayers and fellowship with God, the power of the Spirit of God can never perform signs and wonders in your life.
An example would be on Elijah. Still remember that when he prayed for rain to stop, drought came upon the lands of the children of Israel? That's how powerful if you fulfil question 2.
I have seen signs and wonders as well.The most 'recently' was that when I pray for her result, she does well. Another was when I was praying God will give me a chance to have a guitar, so to praise and worship in my own room. And it came to pass. A member Leon, lend his guitar to me at first was because the E39 brothers are having a prayer meeting in JF's house, but we need a guitar and JF's guitar have some problem (which after the prayer meeting, I'd help him fixed it.)
So I borrowed from Leon his Classical guitar for the meeting, but the next day, he told me that I can return to him anytime. And yes, the truth is that his guitar was with me for 2-3 weeks... until I return it to him in the last Service in Church.
Through these experience with God, I know that He is for Real. No matter what, even people around me backslide, doesn't mean that I will backslide with them, Cuz I come with Conviction in God's promises, not Preference. I've seen some of the people in the CG backslide before, e.g. one was once my discipler, the other: his GF. I respected him as a man of God and really... but... ... don't want to mention it anymore... ...
Through all these, it really determinds are you in Church because of Conviction or Preference?
After all these, I have start to pray to ask God to continue preserve some of this people's salvation and walk with Him. e.g my good buddy, Colin and JF, my good brother in Christ, Isaac, etc... but most importantly, I prayed for her's. I'd really ask out God to do so whole heartedly for her's and also the people above. I can say that they're all a few of the important people in my life. And all I ask these in Jesus name. Amen.
Does not know what title to put, but I think this title will do... :)
Last Friday, I was about to go for the Sub-Zone Manhood Cellgroup meeting. But something happened: my grandmother (my mother's side) just passed away.
Though I too feel sorrow for the news, I also realize that my trials for my faith as a Christian have come. The funeral is not a Christian burial, or should I say the 'typical' Singaporean 'mixed' religion culture, even though the death cert says it's Taoistium. (it's a mixed stuff with Buddist.) wonders me... ...
The truth is that the 'religion' in Singapore can be say as 'Lukewarm', people practice their 'style' of 'things'... Some worship these god and then that god etc... which I can say, there's no identiy of who they belong to. (sorry to say that.)
But one truth about God is that He give us an identity when we are saved. Sometimes the other 'religious' thinking people in Singapore, who does not know why Christians does not do what they do: like burning incense, burning paper money etc..
would ask us to do so in order to 'show respect' to their gods or dead people.
On Saturday in Church after Service, I get to talk to a Brother from India taking SOT and Pastor's fast-track course. He shared with me how in India about the example I gave on top, but it's drinking offered to idols coconut water and he face this situation before. So it was some problem with about the 'show respect' again, but how he explained to them is really how Jesus does during His time. The Brother asked the Hindu there if this is a form of 'respect', how about asking you, the Hindus, taking the Holy Communion? Will you take the Holy Communion if it is also a 'form of respect'?
And to continue, there is certain things we, as Christians can do, they cannot do. And since they can't do it because of their 'religion', how can we, as Christians, do their practice? Since it's against God's Word.
I was really blessed by the message he shared and I really feel that the Kingdom of Darkness trembles as every believers have new revelation in God's will. And I'd asked of God to guide and to guard me through these coming wave of battle or these 'showing respect' thing... ...
I've been asking classmates and friends to come for the Passion of the Christ Movie which my CG members are going on the 2 Apr at Lido. So far so good: I've got 2 classmates in class, except that 1, let him slip to another church member... ha ha... well as long as that 1 is going for the movie, who cares which Cellgroup's invitation is it... Sometimes, I got to say is that a few I'd prayed for their Salvation, slip to other Cell Groups.... hmn.... funny... nah... maybe it's like what it's said in Jeremiah (forgotten which chap and verse.) : It means that if the Lord raise you up to where you are now, but yet because of refusing to continue to follow His Call, He will raise another one who will take over you.
But for now, I'm not going to slip the chances away now. So far, I had follow what the Holy Spirit asked me to do and the people to ask for. People like MH, Davon, Owen... then by God's grace, I got contact with a very good old friend, Jac, who was released from a place 'close' like a prison, but it's where younger offenders serve their sentence. He'd been released for quite a few weeks, but yet I had only tried to call his house once...
Today, by God's miracle work, a friend name Freddy, gave me Jac's new handphone number. And thank God for that. So around the evening, I'd contacted Jac and asked him about how's going with him etc... Got to know that in the 'home' he got a 20point L1R4 to enter Poly. Whoo that is what when a person have a mind change will do, cuz in the past, he'd always have a very bad result.
Talked to him for quite a few hours, and asked him about the movie, but the problem lies is that everyday he have to reach home by 8pm. (Police stuff...) that's the first big DoDo... cuz the Movie slot is at 6.50pm. I'd also asked him if he wants to come for a soccer game in Boon Lay on Saturday, 10.30am. So far he told me that he'll confirm with me tomorrow. Also asked him about service, and also the same answer. But I do pray that he will come in Jesus Name.... ha ha ha.... :)
After Tuesday, upon my journey home, I felt myself burdened and questioned in my heart. It happen when I was sms'ing her about her health condition, but when my Leader asked me who I was sms'ing, I did not reply. :(
And because of fear of getting her into 'trouble' with me, I did not tell my Leader who I was sms'ing. Maybe also it's because Colin was there: And in my past entry, I'd said that I will share with my good brother in Christ first, who is Isaac. But yet, I'd no courage to tell him yet, then I felt like he's truthful to me on alot of things, but I'm not towards him. I feel that I have to share it out with him, cuz we don't really 'hid' secrets behind one another. Felt very bad because I have not tell him...
Another thing that I felt bad about is for JF, cuz we're also very good pals towards one another, and we tell jokes and share laughters. But when he'd asked me what had troubled me last week, I did not and also refused to tell him the problem, cuz I know that it's not the right time to share it.
On Wednesday afternoon, because of being burdened in Spirit and questions about my own accountability, I msged and appologize to my Leader and spoke out the truth whom I was sms'ing that day. And thank God for that, I got released from that burdened, and I asked God to forgive what I failed to do. Amen.
