This blog page is dedicated as a Dairy to the Author's daily life and walk as a witness to the Lord.
All contents are written by the author's witness and own undertstanding from the bottom of the heart. Any error or misunderstanding, the author appologize the cause. Any misusage of contents or spoken out, may judgement be fair.
Verses Coded in Red represents the Words of Christ Verses are all written in NKJV Bible (Coding of other version will be mentioned after verse.)
May your day be blessed by the Journal of the author. AGAPE
1 Cor 13:4-8a - (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever... ...
What are good friends? When you in times of trouble and depress, take a look around you. Only those who are there to comfort you are the friends. They are those you can speak from heart to heart.
Living with Ability brings Responsibility. Dying with Ability reveals Irresponsibility - Rev.Dr. Kong Hee
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship. (Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) - Joshua Harris
Up Coming Church Events:
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NSF(National Full Time Service) 35th Singapore Combat Engineers Boat Coy Platoon 3 Amber 3 2 I/C 3SGT
Through the whole Monday, I'd did also of praying that the Lord will show me a path to plan for the path and and favour for our company, which still need to be registered first. Also yesterday after reaching home, I'd receive a sms msg asking me which day of the book of Isaiah I'll be going. Then I'd replied, "Tues."
At that time, my heart have somehow felt that God is going to stop and end the deeper relationship building between me and 'her'. I'd asked my God that if it's His will that 'she' isn't the one He have planned for me, just end it up by knowing that she's going for the Wed book of Isaiah, so that I could repent and forget that I have 'feelings' for her once.
Yet, upon the name list of whose on Tues and Weds came. So I read the msg and got to know that she's going on Tues as well. Is this a sign from my God? Or is it just by chance?
As I read the name list, I saw JF's name on Tues as well. (Not trying to say something bad.) Well like I posted earlier, JF is a very good friend, brother and buddy to me, but he does not really know the truth about my feelings yet. I too have the intention to send her home by N2, but also if JF is there, I'll take NE1 in order to stop his letting him have a wild thinking why I took the N2.
On Tuesday morning, I still feel about her going for the Tues is just by chance, so I'd asked the Lord in prayers that if she's really the one for in His will for me, please show me another miracle of a sign by doing something or someway that I'll be taking N2, or if not, I'll take the NE1 with JF to know that she's not the 'one'. That I may forget about it. Of course that if God have planned something for you, He will not show only one sign, but also many to assure you that He have said it.
At the time I made these prayer, it was in the morning around 6am. After that, went to school for lesson.
Around the afternoon time, I'd receive a call from Colin and he asked me if I'm going for the seminar so I'd gave him my answer and so then we hung up. Then he called me again and told me that he's also going for that day and asked me what time I'll be leaving school. So again told him the answer etc... and we hung up.
So went and took the train down to meet Colin in Bugis with Ben and JP (another 2 church member in my school.) So met Colin on train and got to know from him that JF is not coming today, then I asked why. He said that JF is willing to exchange with him for Wed so that he could come for Today's.
I was very surprise that moment and was thinking if God have perform this sign to assure that between me and 'her' is a promise (not at the time fulfil.) I had thought of sharing these with Colin, but don't feel like, cuz my 2 schoolmate is beside.
Got to Church and look around. We'd saw QY at the lobby and so we ask of who is here already and who's not yet? Well only one person is not here yet, that is 'her'. So Colin called Karen and I called 'her' to know the situations of both side.
Karen needs the guys down to take the seats, so I ask Colin and QY to go down first, while I'll stay to meet her down to B4. Waited for quite sometime and I saw a quite long time no see friend in Church, Sebastian (sorry if spelt wrong.) Talked to him for a while etc... then Karen called and ask me to go down for the seats before there's none left. She's not here yet and I was looking around, but yet, I think I have to go down then...
Reached B4 and went to look for the guy then moved in to take my seat then 'she' came in... ... er... should I have wait a bit longer in the lobby? Think not...
Then Karen talked to me and I thought that she needs me to move to the top rows of the Audi to seat so I'd moved out after moving up, I saw my Leader sitting there, then I thought that I was going to seat beside her, yet 'she' is also moving in. Then I was thinking if my Leader wants to talk to me of something, but nope. Then Karen asked me and 'her' to move to the previous seats at first. So finally settled the whole thing and still like usual, someone will be between me and 'her' seat, well that's the strange thing that seem to happen for 2 or 3 weeks of SVC and 1st night of Isaiah. (3 weeks of SVC and 1st night of Isaiah between us is JL, then 3rd night is QY. hmn... ha ha... strange... well that's not the point to think about.)
After the seminar, told EJ to wait as we wait for Colin to come up (he's seating at other place of the very pack Audi with KC.) So met Colin and again, Colin just 'flow' with me to take N2. EJ was happy about it, cuz got people to fellowship on bus. 'She' was surprise as well, answering me if I'm serious.
Well we just took the N2 bus and fellowship on the bus... ha ha... chatted and talked about things and I'd shared part of my future plan and the event company some friends and I are opening. I was seating beside 'her' while Colin and EJ sat in front of us. The four of us have a great time sharing what Pst shared for the 3rd night and chatted on other stuff...
At the stop of Sembawang, EJ dropped off. So left the 3 of us and we just continue to chat about these and that... etc... (not going to details.)
Reached Khatib at 11.39pm. We had to drop off then. I'd helped her to throw away some rubbish stuff and hold her books for her. I guess Colin was observing that time... So again, we'd come to talk about the business company my friends and I are setting up. So far, we have a number of 4 people, but for now it's up to a strength of 6 people.
Then we cross the road and chatted, then she felt like going to buy some appetizers for supper or should I say for her 'dinner'. All the coffeeshops are closed and so we went to the closest 7'11 store. Colin entered the store to look for something to buy, and I stand beside her as she chose some dougnuts. She asked me to chose one dougnut, so she could give me a treat (Cuz I gave every note I have to tithe and offering in the seminar. I felt that the Lord asked me to do so and I obey.)
And again, I was trying to reject or so, but... somehow, she's to insisting so I just gave in for that dougnut. So she'd bought 2 dougnuts: one mine the other her's. And when I step out of the store after Colin and her, I asked my Lord that one day, I'll bless her back muti-fold of treats etc... , but of course, I believe that I can only do it with the help of my God for He is my provider.
So we'd alot of laughters and jokes and spiritual things to share of... When I was about to see her off at the lift, she'd hint me that the Passion of the Christ movie is still with her (we're thinking of ripping one copy.) So it was the first time I took the lift up to her house and of course with my dear Sam (Colin... ha ha... just joking.) So we'd waited outside her house as she passed us the disc and Colin and I then left. So as we walk towards the MRT station, I shared my thoughts and the doubts I have between Fran and her and I'd ask forgiveness from the Lord and what happen after last Service. Colin to share about his thoughts.
Then we reach the station, we thought there won't be a last train, but then I asked the personal handling there to confirm if there is still a train: Yes, praise the Lord. Then I shared the prayers I'd made as a testimony what God have done and assure that His Word will help me. (the prayers I'd shared earlier.)
Then Colin asked me about what time did I pray about JF and the bus things, and I told him around that time. With a shock and unexpected phenomenon: Colin said that this morning as he woke up, he felt a sudden great burden that he have to come for today's book of Isaiah, but he don't feel like. In the end, he gave in and asked my Leader and some others if he could come for Tues instead of Wed. And it come to now... and I was really starting to wonder, God now I know that you are true. I will not doubt you, and I will continue to seek you for the answers you have.
Seriously, the guys hope to set up a production company.
Well... the idea was great, but then, Wins and I also shared about it and I was thinking of joining his, cuz I feel more assurence with him even though sometimes, he fails to meet up the needs and failed to pay up his stuff. Yet still, I think he's going to assist Will's event company. If it's going to do it with Will, that's great, but if Wins going to start his own, I think he'll need think about it first - the financal problems etc...
When I heard the idea, I felt that it's sounds really great, but yet they want me to take charge of leadership? Oh... man it's a big task to handle for me. I'd not have much experience on these and that... handling people or customers... etc... yet still, it's a very big stretch to go...
There's still an NS to go, yet I start to see big visions in it and is thinking to sign on for an adventure to rise in ranks and leadership building. It's a place which I feel like wanting to share the Gospel in, but yet will need to build a strong bottom line first. I'm still praying if it's the Lord's calling for me to go in there, so far, I can only see a dream there and a made run of physical test.
One of my dream was joining the Air Force, but it seem so far from me due to some 'eyesight' and glasses. Will have to try to reduce the short-sightness. And it would be a dream come true, but still... it's a long way, I say... May the Lord be with me and guide me to it if it's His master plan for me.
Yet I hope to at least have good result in Khatib Camp for PTP (mono intake) and Samuel's also going to report at that camp with me at the same date and time. I too hope and pray that he's in the same platoon and bunk as me, so I might influence him back to focus on the Lord and may the God do something about his relationship problem with his gf.
Mt 6:33 - But seekfirstthekingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Well been hearing about people around me don't like about Mono intake and would rather have their BMT done in Tekong Camp than in their respective camps. I have no idea what's the difference, but I would rather have my PTP & BMT on the main island, well should be also in Khatib Camp, than taking close to an hour of ride to Tekong Camp on that remote island. (No offence.)
Also Khatib Camp is close to 'her' house, a 100 meters plus of walk, seriously, but I think it won't be really disturbing her studies or so... maybe after booking out, give Sam a call and meet him up to go to the nearest place in Khatib to have our dinner settle there ha ha.... I wanna also take these time to go for driving lessons.
The Lord be the wind of my ship to stir the path which is at His please and as the captain of this ship, let my spirit take control of the wheel and have control over the vessel (the flesh) to guide it to where my Lord is guiding me towards.
Well one last thing to say, Khatib Camp here I come..! ! ! ha ha... The Lord's servant is coming to do something great for His Kingdom in there... Let leadership training start and improve even more in there... Amen. :)
These period of time, I feel that its the time I repent for being over desire of certain 'thing' while forgotten about what should I focus on: that is focusing on my Lord to lead me rather than a decitful heart of mine. Throughout the afternoon, I've been questioning myself about being over desire.
Though I seen the vision that lies ahead, I seem to force things to go a bit 'fast', which is not a right thing at the right time. I'm not going to make things clear here, but after in the school lab, something made me want to look for another good word of wisdom from the Joshua Harris: Boy meets Girl.
I'd posted the proverbs beside the site and I'm going to repeat it here again:
A Selfless Desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the Big and Small decisions of a relationship.... It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship.
(Jn 13:35: By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.)
This proverb really makes me wonder and somehow it have a bit reminder in my mind throughout the afternoon.
A Selfless Desire?? Somehow I try to look back on what's my desire and is it a 'self' desire of is it a selfless desire? I realize that my desires are starting to fall towards a self desire. You might question me what desire I have, but the truth, I believe it will only be shared between me, God, my Leader and 2 good buddies of mine, which everytime I try to talk to Isaac, something or someone would be around... haiz... no privacy... ha ha... well got to let God plan these schedule.
It's better to confess to someone that is muture and yet also wise Christian, for it's better to have someone overlooking the progress and problems then stiring the the ship yourself. Now I do understand the meaning that there should not be a Lone Ranger Christian, cuz he/she can never really stand alone unless there is another to lift him/her up the way.
The Problem that now lies sharing with them:
To God: I believe there is no barrier.
To my Leader: A bit no courage to speak in words, feel like sharing in spiritual report, but still I feel like sharing it on the spot, just a bit puzzle on how to start.
To Isaac: Yo Bro, I think there's still a need of time for you to do important things around when you're free from camp. Yet still feel that we don't really have the chance to chat one on one since you'd entered NS.
To Colin:
Well it seems that I'm more of his listener when talking about games... ha ha... Still sometimes when I try to share the intimacy as a pal, he'd somehow 'change' subject, instead of questioning me why you have these or that feeling. Find that he's changing a bit after the closest ever conversation we could have during the trip back from Khatib to the level one stone chairs of my block.
Yet still, I believe that he's the one that really understands why sometimes I do these and that and react that way since that conversation which even JF sometimes don't understand.
Lets take an e.g. hmn... let me think seriously, there's too many ha ha... lets just take the case on Easter Eve Saturday night after the Easter Service, it's already close to 11pm close to midnight, so Colin and I was thinking of going to Mitch's house for a night stay for fellowship. Mitch decide to halt for a cab home by paying all the cost, cuz he was just blessed that day financially. So there was 3 of us taking the cab North to Mitch house, then a thought just came into my mind and it seem like Colin was already reading my mind what I going to do: was going to lend 'her' a fast free trip home.
So after finish the my sentence, he'd just give a simple 'why not' look and Mitch is ok with it as well. Should I say Mitch flows with Colin as well? ha ha... They're also buddies as well. So I'd went up and asked 'her' if she wants to tag along with us for a cab (sending 'her' home first.) Things just go smoothly... like I say. We'd took a long walk from Indoor Stadium to around Geylang area to halt for a cab (alot of people halting cabs at IS)
Through the walk from IS, we'd encounter people and etc... just my pal seem to understand again what I want to do, so he walked with Mitch chit chatting and laughing all the way and also try to inject some spirit between the both of us to talk... well he's just went the wrong topic though again... ha ha... pulled me of chatting with them... haiz.... ha ha... that's not I want to say or so... or what.
Just want to thank him for being my 'ring' bond companion... ha ha... Frodo and Samwise... ha ha... we'd somehow was joking about this when we have our private conversation... He's just too observant over what's going on between me and 'her' or so what I'm going through. Got to thank him for being a friend, pal, listener, 'disciple' (If I can say that.) wise yet too observant (ha ha...) and last of all a believer of Christ, a man can ever have in life apart from Christ. Amen.
It feels great to be home, but also with a certain pressure of stress with people around:
Relationship with mum: Not bad, at least she listens to me, but still doesn't know why I love the house of God so much more than my own life... ha ha... but I do pray that she'll understands why. I've been serving in helping some part of the household when she's working outside... thats what I felt good about.
Relationship with dad: Pretty bad... no idea what to say to him even when he's around, maybe is the fear that was caused... haiz... may one day God will somehow help me overcome these big 'rock'.
Relationship with Sister: Well not much to talk with her, or somehow when tried to have a conversation with her, she'll somehow reject to talk...
With Leader and ZS (Sorry not to mention name. Protecting ID): I'm very glad to have a great leader placed in my life and thank God for it, but still, I find myself troubling the both of them with my problems. Yesterday before going for charter bus home, talked with my ZS and updating what I'm going through at home and about the new handphone number I've signed: now felt a bit more ashame of myself when he told me to sent the billing address to his house for him to settle the bill. I pray that one day when these big 'rock' of problem is taken away, I'll be able to serve them with all I can all of my days.
I'm also glad that I was able to fellowship with my Leader during these period, cuz it really made me pour out my thoughts and dreams in confession to her, but yet there's still more I want to pour out: like how 'her' and I been going... any improvement opening up conversion with 'her'? Did I break the line between a brother and sister relation etc...? Still I think it's better for me to account out rather than to let things go undone.
With Isaac: Well I really pray that we really have another chance that we can pour out what we have been through and done all these time and our ideas and aspiration for the future. Still there's still a national duty as a Singapore man, he have to fulfill. 2 more months will be my call to NS, really pray that God will show me if I should sign on or not. I believe during these NS period, God will show me.
With JF: Well, God have really somehow brought our flow together since Isaac went to NS. I believe God wants to tell me that He will always sent another person as a pal and good friend in life. I really want to thank him for everything he have helped me along these period of troubled times. You'll a good pal and brother to me, man... ha ha... you earn it... ha ha... Thank God for you.
With Colin: Another good pal of mine. Seriously, I didn't really made him the best friend to be with when I brought him to know Christ. It really takes time to know him through trials and test, but I believe God have made him true as a pal I can really trust all my burdens and spiritual stuff I'd learnt with.
During one of the night when we sent 'her' home, I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to share more of myself and the truth why I come to believe in Christ and what He have done in my life. Also I've told him the biggest secret only God, my Leader and I know about me: Finally shared burden. After this experience with him, our relationship a brothers grew even stronger then ever, if I can discribe, I say it's like Frodo and Samwise in the Lord of the Rings. Really thank God to sent a person like him into my life.
With other members: Thank God for you guys, lets keep on growing the CG... and glorify God's Name... :)
And finally 'her': Sometimes I really don't understand and how to discribe our relationship as a brother and sister. We're always have the on off attitude towards one another: e.g when members are around, we're shy away from one another, but when either with Colin and our own good pals (except JF) of our own, we're chat as much as we can... It's really somehow 'confusing' on last service when Fran came for SVC 3, things just went like 'crazy'. Fran kept calling 'her', no reply, then Fran called JF to get to 'her', something just went very 'wrong' I say, I can feel even JF and Ruth felt that as well.
Something fishy? No idea, serious, but only guessing games running around my mind... my heart just went very bitter with the word 'jealous' going in my mind... and that night returning home, I confess every of what is causing the burden of 'pain' going in my heart and really wanted to just cry out. After these Sunday afternoon, I realize what God is trying to do: He wants me to focus on Him more even when things don't seem to go 'right' for me, trust His divine guidence and calling that is going to come upon me. But still, I still pray that He will look after that 'fishy' thing that is now going around... haiz... I can only end these: I'm seriously, deeply, unknowingly, very confused the present that is going on with her... ...
Last of all, with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ: I believe that He have done signs and wonders in my life that really make me sometimes wonder why He did it, but one thing is for sure, there is always a meaning a purpose of it. I can feel His presence with me through these period even stronger, which I really don't want to lose it. And best of all He is always faithful and listens to my confessions and prayers and repents. He is always watching, trust me... no faithful Christians should lie about that, cuz lying is aready a Sin.
He'd made me overcome my own Sins and He rise me out when I felt that I was nothing on this earth. He is the best of all friends, a man could ever have in life. He's my EVERYTHING! ! ! Amen ! ! ! Praise your Holy Name... :)
Well no idea why the other two guys also start writing thanking msg to classmates. So here's mine :)
Classmates:
Winston: Well I really don't know in what way I can help you with your problems, but seriously, please consider you studies 2nd after God then let other commitment come in. Really thank you for listening to my problems and confessions about myself. I really pray that you'll come back for lesson and let God guide you to solve your problems. Trust God.
Gary: Well seriously, I believe that you would be a great person one day, but something is holding you back from serving God, which I believe it's the desires of your heart and the relationship you seek for. Just a piece of advice: how you have reacted is like what I might reacted, but when I got the counciling and advices I need, I learn to put back my own desires first to serve God's Kingdom (even though I failed to sometimes.) I read your blog just now and you might still wonder who this 'her' is, the only few clue I can give is: She's not the 'lemon2'. She's one of my CGms, the one I cared alot for and pour my prayers for her needs. Like you, I've account to my Leader as well.
You might be wondering why I did not go for her?: the truth, I believe Joshua Harris says about having the right thing at the wrong time is a wrong thing. Well I can say that we're still young, not only just in the Lord, but also in age and maturity. Like Mr Harris also wirtten and said abiut the duty of a guy, it's also my duty to guide and to guard her heart and also not forgeting other sisters'. Some more there's still many characters and habits about the both of us, we have to explore still. So it's not the right way to honor God's rule and timing. Patience is the Key: If God have something or someone for you, He will ensure that things goes by His way of planning, cuz He's the Chief Cook. Enjoy the process and the course of it. I pray that you'll too follow what God have for you.
I'll have to build myself up as a Real Man after God's own heart and build out a career first before once again account again to my Leader and having a green light or so, but finally it's God's Answer is the most important, cuz only God have the blue print of each indivisual's life no matter a Christian or a non-believer: He can cut off the oxygen tank, taking away our life straight away, but He does not do that, cuz He is a Good God. Amen
Ming Hui: Thank for being a good pal man... ha ha... well really thank you for accepting to come for Sun's concert even though was not sitting beside you... ha ha ha... well really hope that you're come visit my home Church one day for church service. :)
Also thank you for backing up alot of things and attandence etc... stuff... also thank for the hospitality in you house... ha ha ha... 'Ta ka la hala' (draw arrows.) :p
Don't forget to keep contact even during NS days huh... remember to tell me which camp you're posted... ha ha... Then might easier to contact for lunch, dinner or whatever... ha haha...
Problems arise... haiz... no idea what to do... Well I applied for a $0 handphone line which features plan: 7am to 7pm incoming free, 100min outgoing free, 800 sms free.
Ha ha... seriously got to pray that God will open up doors to earn some money for expenses.
Dad using tactic: Stop giving pocket money. to come against me now... ha ha... well was going to expect that coming.
Recieved persecution in the middle of the night again... haizz... just because of 3 incense thing of those 'respecting' the dead stuff... well lets say man who think as they 'were' king always says this: 'Worship me!' or 'I'm God'
When they say that they're God, try ask them these: Can you resurrect from the Dead like Jesus? Can you perform signs and wonders like the Holy Spirit? Can you forgive Sins and cleanse Sinners with your blood?
I guess they might be stunt for that. The truth is that God does not think like Man, and He is the same, yesterday, today and forever.
The truth is that even the 3 Hebrew boys and Daniel the prophet (ref: The book of Daniel.) never bow down and burn those little incense... there are also great examples of Man of Faith in the bible... e.g in the book of Esther, Esther's father.
And these Man of Faith will NEVER bow down to Man or offer incense to them as well.
Deu 5:7-10 - 7 'You shall have no other gods before Me. 8 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; 9 you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, 10 but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
In the new Testament Jesus says
Mat 10:28 - 28And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
By the end, in conclusion if you're a man pleaser, it's only temporary: the truth? All men have to die one day and you can never serve them forever, but God is forever and eternal, you're see Him in heaven one day when He returns to judge the living and the dead no matter a believer or a non-believer... It's just a matter of time: The truth is that no one really knows when will be the return. Like a normal human's curiousity, there are those who went to try to find out and use Maths to calculate the return.
Scientist like Einstein and Isaac Newton are great mathmaticians have their own results. While around us, there are always 'flaky' people who keeps anyhow 'prophecies' that Jesus is coming back soon... well thank them for their 'false prohecies' which turn some committees in Singapore starting to mock more at us, believers.
Thank God that I can come home again. Really... but at the last point, I was really thought of giving up going home... at first, yet I really feel sorry for my Leader, cuz I really somehow made her worry of my situation. Then later, I got to know that her husband (also ZS) is coming to the store. So, somehow, I felt that God have made it to come at that time to answer my prayers.
So he came to the store and... ... got a chat with him, then came to realize that the seed of rebellious have grown to a level... Well I don't really know what to tell him what I want to do. So I listened to what he have to council me with. Truly, I appreciate his advice: I have to bear a good testimony for God, cuz my God is a God of Reconciliation! ! ! Amen
So I followed their advice to try to go home. Before that, we'd went down to do some business (not going to share these, cuz it's business things.). And they came along and drove me to my house, cuz it's time to sit down and talk about it.
At first, no one open the door. So we thought no one's at home, then we went down and waited for Colin (he'll be the informer between me and my Leaders (both of them if anything happens, cuz they have to go since no one's at home.) When we came to level one, we'd walk out to wait for Colin.
Colin appeared and we'd chatted about the problem as well. So they'd decided to leave, but wanted to pray for me, so as we (4 of us) walk to their car, I observe the lights in my house. They're switch on... so it's impossible that no one's at home.
So they (my Leaders) ask me to call home first. So I did. My mother answered it and gave a small scolding and tell me to come home (I believe that she does not know that my keys were taken away by my dad.) then we went up.
As we reach the door, I can also feel that they're praying in tongues as we walk each step closer to my house. So I'd sounded the bell. My mother opens the door and let me in. Then my Leader went up and talked to her and wish to start a conversation with her, but... haiz... got to say... my mother does not have seem to have 'courage' to talk with them... really, like I said before, most mothers don't like to do talkings with 'serious' matters, they would rather listen then to make decision: my mum can be known as one... ... haiz... ...
Still got to thank God, though she gave a small scolding, but still, she'd cooked for me to eat. Praise God for that. Then I'd took a bath... but now still to face is my dad, though he's not at home yet (busy working... ...)
In these end of the entry, I still hope that you guys how read this, continue to pray for my break-through in percecution. I give thanks to you for reading and thank God that He is seeing me through and God remembers you who have help to pray... Thanks... Amen.
Just checked out my mailbox (not e-mail) for letter just now. I've found my NS letter (National Service), so I grab all the letters in the mailbox back home.
Through my walk home, I've been praying that I'll be posted to a camp slightly North of my house (cuz the closest camp is at the north.)
As I sat down on the chair near my computer table. I opened the letter with a praying mind. As I open the letter, I start to see a letter 'K' at the Headline topic.
After opening up the letter, I read it and I got the camp name: 23rd Battalion Singapore Artillery,Khatib Camp.
As I read the sentence slowly, my heart was pounding fast for every second. After knowing it, I jump and rejoice: My God is a God that ANSWER PRAYERS ! ! ! Thank you Jesus! ! !
So I'll be posted for my PTP (Physical Training Phase) there and it's close to Khatib MRT station, a walk to Bus 854, close to the N2 Church Chartered Bus area, and most of all.... Close to 'her' house. (Is God giving a push for me? or is it another patient test?)
Er....!?! Close to 'her' house? Well maybe no one knows these: I can say that I recieve a VISION with her during my NS time, didn't know it become my own 'prophecy', but like I say, with integrity and God honoring way. No touchy business. I have to be clear of that. And if so, I have to account every of my actions, for accountibility.
So far the Dreams I'd receive during my sleep is somehow accurate in a way, that it come to pass... maybe I've been gifted to see the 'future' ha ha... nah... don't want to jump into the conclusion, but I can say, I don't usually 'dream' in my sleep, if when dreaming, it somehow will come to pass.
My God have been faithful to me that's what I want to say, even though He disciplines me of my wrong attitude with a different, but yet in a strict way.
I felt that my Lord is showing me His favour for going through my persecution in my family. Though my dad, somehow acted 'strangely' with a 'caring' way towards me, i do not know what's going on actually, maybe it's a man's ego in him.
Most of the time during my prayers, I ask my Lord to forgive him: for he do not know what he's doing, I believe that's what Jesus says:
Lk 6:27,28,32,33 - 27 "But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 32 But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
I guess I know why Jesus reason so, if you hate your enemies, not only did you waste your energy, but also you have hurt your own health. Rather so, might as well forgive them and bless them, pray fot them that they'll one day repent. Amen.
Time pass by so fast and now look back, did realize that I've been dwelling on earth for close to 20 years.
Stress and pressure are starting to build upon me: Questions like what do you want do for career if these sign on for Air Force fail? When will persecution end, for it have been a long fight in the spiritual? Will I pass my studies these year if not, should I continue? Is there a future between me and her, if I fail to go through the present situation?
All my fears of the future just came upon me suddenly. But the Lord reminds me:
Mat 6:33-34 -33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Still this worry keeps coming in. Tried not to think about it very hard. Time to look for a job during this period of time to work for to get a handphone to use, since my handphone is confined. I'll need my communication line open up again... ha ha... well without it, I can't really do follow ups unless I'm at home.
Also the communication between me and her. Somehow, our 'handphone' is our communication line to one another.
Some friends in school received their NS letters to report on which date. Wins and Gary's have receive theirs, but I have not receive mine yet. Got to check out my letter box. Also really have to find a place to 'stay' for the time being if really being kicked out of house. I feel that when Paul says:
1 Cor 4:10 - We are foolsforChrist's sake, but you are wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are distinguished, but we are dishonored!
That's when he seem to be angered by the persecutors and pharisees around. Just stand strong. You can do it. Amen.
So I didn't went to for any lesson on Tuesday, due to the persecution at home in the middle of the night. Well lost increases, but I'm wiser this time. I kept my spiritual stuff outside house and brought back some school stuff, but again, forgotten to remove the Easter invitation cards from my bag. In the end, was again thrown away. But have one card remain, which I hid it when it went about: the card is for Jac, my old secondary school friend. I think that's what God wants me to do for Him.
Another lost is that my handphone is confined... well thanks 'satan'... thanks for the nice treat.... So most of the contacts of friends are gone... but thank God is that I have my Cell-Group members numbers written in my organizer, which I hid away. So went to school, and met Wins and the others after the lesson. Borrowed Wins handphone to call Colin to inform everyone the meeting time and also tell him to pass down to others: NOT TO ANSWER ANY CALL FROM THAT HANDPHONE OR PASS MESSAGE TO IT AS WELL! ! !
Then went to meet my Leader and have a great time chatting of all my problems and what it happen during yesterday after sending 'her' home and what I'd shared with Colin... and the persecution I'm going through... I can even feel that my Leader was also worried... But I still want to know when will this fight in the spiritual realm stop.
I'd also shared that after watching the Passion movie, it increases my min base of falling to the ground. Now the base is there, and I know that I have faith to conquer this mountain. No matter what will happen even being kick out of house or what, I will not surrender to religious minded and to man with pride in the heart.
Also through the chat, I was asked what dream do I have from my Leader. What's my dream? I have dreamed of being a great pianist, being an author of books or being a professional councilor and last of all, I dreamed of being a jet pilot. It is the biggest dream I dream of... able to drive a jet in the air.
I start to have another revelation about that question. I realize that I'll need a finance to run a courtship with 'her', when God allows. But thinking back, both of us are still young. Not the time to talk about 'er nu si qing' (relationship.). I believe she still have a path to study on even though there is some finance problem.
And I too have thought of being the finance backup for her studies in the future, but it's still a far. I start to know what dream I want to go for: I want to join the Air Force to serve till being able to pilot a jet. It's now my dream and goal. So I was really grateful for my Leader's sharing. I now discover a career goal in life, but I still want to ask my Lord about this dream and will it come to pass. I've also said that if the Lord did not give approval for it, I will not go for it, even the littles thing.
After that meeting, stayed there till 5pm and went to Church to meet the others. During my journey on the train, I met EJ and also we'd chatted and I also shared about the book by Joshua Harris and I can feel that he have another level attitude dealing against this feelings in the future to come: Wait for God's plan.
Met Ange and ZX also and we went from the interchange to Church, where the bible study about the Book of Isaiah is going to held. It's series one of 3 though. Then left the 3 of them and went to Church to check out whose there. Found Annie and went with her for dinner wher the 3 of them are having. After that, we go back to Church. (Cut short not to be detailed...)
I found 'her' at the attributes waiting for others and said my greetings to her. So the 3 of us, Annie me and 'her' went down the stairs to B4. During the walking down, I shared with Annie about joining the Air Force dream, Annie also offered her advice and help me check out if there is any schemes about the Air Force.
Annie's hubby is serving in the Air Force as engineer, that's what I know and she's working in the Defence department. All these I could say.
I believe I now have a dream to run for and to catch, but I'll need God's help and strength to help me.
The book of Isaiah is really the book that discribes other books in the bible. Though it's the start 6 chapters through the night, it was a really what Isaiah prophecy.
After the meeting, Charter bus came. So... again, I took the N2 line instead of the usual NE1.
Firstly, the NE1 bus not really have any of 'my' ususal members taking today... he he... secondly, she's on N2 with JL and EJ. So... I sort of thought of fellowshipping with them and also sending her home. I sat beside JL, and EJ sat beside 'her'.
Well again, JL wants to 'serve' by sending her home... but I'd stopped him... He was so insisting and also outrage with his words. He was complaining about me and then and then etc... which I don't think I want to go into detail...
Well EJ ain't coming with anyway, he's going home. So JL keeps on that 'way' for quite sometime. I don't want to blame him or so... but I really want to thank him for offering himself for service, maybe not this time. So JL finally gave up. Well thank God for that. So I talked with him about his school work... etc... all these until EJ and him drop off at Sembawang.
So... I shifted and sat next to her, with integrity. So I start to open up our conversation. Then we're back to our 'usual' way of chatting with one another. Well... it's much 'warmer' in a way unlike during with members. I was also 'studying' upon the reason 'why' also. Well... maybe being a bit influence by Colin's observant way.
So far which I made throught the pass studies, most of the time the both of us really talk in front of members were either when JX, Winny, or Candy or Colin. The only reason I can think of about the people named seem to have an idea what's going on or maybe they're our buddies: Colin, mine, While JX, Winny and Candy, her's.
If my guess is not wrong, I think Candy may have told her about the Charter bus incident which include Mitch and Colin: The last Service before W261 is born. Well I don't want to come to any conclusion about it or if she knows or not. For the present, it's only about building a deeper relationship with her, not a 'courtship' or so... Like I said earlier the reason is that both of us are still young, should forcus on what God's calling for each of us. Well maybe after fulfiling God's calling as singles first and pray what's God's next plan. The important thing here is being patient, and I have been trained to have alot... ha ha...
We reach Khatib. As we got off, we're still joking and chatting. Then a call from Karen. I offered to help holding some stuff on her hands, hold some, but out of sudden, cash flew out of her outer coat, which she's grabing it. Then I saw that and stopped and turn back and grab the cash, which have fallen to the ground.
Then she realize about why I turn back. Well thank God that I was there otherwise the cash would have been lost. The cash was collected to pay for the Easter planning and it's paid by the members who came on Tuesday Bible Study.
So I joked about it (not seriously.) So we'd continue to walk to her place and continued over conversation. So I'd walked her to her block and I pass the book: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, to her as she'd asked to borrow.
I do pray that the book will help her through.
A summary: Through out finishing the book, the begining half of the book discourage things about dating - or reasons why not dating.
Later in the part, it brings back the God honoring way of building a real relationship. The author uses the word 'Courtship' to fight against Dating. Courtship though, it's an 'old' romantice 'word', which the main purpose of Courtship is the possiblity of marriage, unlike Dating, which is undefined and purposeless without goals at the end of the relationship.
After seeing her off, or should I say, 'I don't really like the feeling of seeing her off', but there's always next time to meet up. As I walk back to the MRT station, I thank my Lord for creating this time and close intimacy with integrity and God honoring attitude.
Still, I do not want to put to the conclusion or judement that 'she likes me' or what, but it's still a guessing around feeling. Like the Joshua Harris said that brothers have to treat sisters with a sincerity and honesty, not fooling around with their feelings or emotions. That's what I always remind myself to do towards her. And to continue... To guard their hearts.
Every night I would be praying that my Lord will show the path and ways to guard her heart and emotions. That's what I ask from my Lord. Of course she's not the only one I prayed for every night. There were also other people.
I also always try to account to my Leader what have happen and things gone by through verbal. I think through verbal is better, cuz if I did something wrong, I would rather accept a rebuke on my face rather than through writings. It also help me to share my burden off.
I really want to thank God for placing every single members in the Cell-Group and the new Cell-Group. Though I do not know how long will I be bloging again, but I really want to write them all out, but it's a very long list. But will save in a list. God bless who reads.
