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To: Unknown Location

            It feels great to be home, but also with a certain pressure of stress with people around:

              Relationship with mum: Not bad, at least she listens to me, but still doesn't know why I love the house of God so much more than my own life... ha ha... but I do pray that she'll understands why. I've been serving in helping some part of the household when she's working outside... thats what I felt good about.

              Relationship with dad: Pretty bad... no idea what to say to him even when he's around, maybe is the fear that was caused... haiz... may one day God will somehow help me overcome these big 'rock'.

              Relationship with Sister: Well not much to talk with her, or somehow when tried to have a conversation with her, she'll somehow reject to talk...

              With Leader and ZS (Sorry not to mention name. Protecting ID): I'm very glad to have a great leader placed in my life and thank God for it, but still, I find myself troubling the both of them with my problems. Yesterday before going for charter bus home, talked with my ZS and updating what I'm going through at home and about the new handphone number I've signed: now felt a bit more ashame of myself when he told me to sent the billing address to his house for him to settle the bill. I pray that one day when these big 'rock' of problem is taken away, I'll be able to serve them with all I can all of my days.
              I'm also glad that I was able to fellowship with my Leader during these period, cuz it really made me pour out my thoughts and dreams in confession to her, but yet there's still more I want to pour out: like how 'her' and I been going... any improvement opening up conversion with 'her'? Did I break the line between a brother and sister relation etc...? Still I think it's better for me to account out rather than to let things go undone.

               With Isaac: Well I really pray that we really have another chance that we can pour out what we have been through and done all these time and our ideas and aspiration for the future. Still there's still a national duty as a Singapore man, he have to fulfill. 2 more months will be my call to NS, really pray that God will show me if I should sign on or not. I believe during these NS period, God will show me.

               With JF: Well, God have really somehow brought our flow together since Isaac went to NS. I believe God wants to tell me that He will always sent another person as a pal and good friend in life. I really want to thank him for everything he have helped me along these period of troubled times. You'll a good pal and brother to me, man... ha ha... you earn it... ha ha... Thank God for you.

With Colin: Another good pal of mine. Seriously, I didn't really made him the best friend to be with when I brought him to know Christ. It really takes time to know him through trials and test, but I believe God have made him true as a pal I can really trust all my burdens and spiritual stuff I'd learnt with.

               During one of the night when we sent 'her' home, I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to share more of myself and the truth why I come to believe in Christ and what He have done in my life. Also I've told him the biggest secret only God, my Leader and I know about me: Finally shared burden. After this experience with him, our relationship a brothers grew even stronger then ever, if I can discribe, I say it's like Frodo and Samwise in the Lord of the Rings. Really thank God to sent a person like him into my life.

               With other members: Thank God for you guys, lets keep on growing the CG... and glorify God's Name... :)

               And finally 'her': Sometimes I really don't understand and how to discribe our relationship as a brother and sister. We're always have the on off attitude towards one another: e.g when members are around, we're shy away from one another, but when either with Colin and our own good pals (except JF) of our own, we're chat as much as we can... It's really somehow 'confusing' on last service when Fran came for SVC 3, things just went like 'crazy'. Fran kept calling 'her', no reply, then Fran called JF to get to 'her', something just went very 'wrong' I say, I can feel even JF and Ruth felt that as well.
               Something fishy? No idea, serious, but only guessing games running around my mind... my heart just went very bitter with the word 'jealous' going in my mind... and that night returning home, I confess every of what is causing the burden of 'pain' going in my heart and really wanted to just cry out. After these Sunday afternoon, I realize what God is trying to do: He wants me to focus on Him more even when things don't seem to go 'right' for me, trust His divine guidence and calling that is going to come upon me. But still, I still pray that He will look after that 'fishy' thing that is now going around... haiz... I can only end these: I'm seriously, deeply, unknowingly, very confused the present that is going on with her... ...

Last of all, with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ: I believe that He have done signs and wonders in my life that really make me sometimes wonder why He did it, but one thing is for sure, there is always a meaning a purpose of it. I can feel His presence with me through these period even stronger, which I really don't want to lose it. And best of all He is always faithful and listens to my confessions and prayers and repents. He is always watching, trust me... no faithful Christians should lie about that, cuz lying is aready a Sin.
He'd made me overcome my own Sins and He rise me out when I felt that I was nothing on this earth. He is the best of all friends, a man could ever have in life. He's my EVERYTHING! ! ! Amen ! ! ! Praise your Holy Name... :)

Agape